Depression

[CPLforever]

Becs as you know a few years back my 'friend' done exactly the same to me, good friends one minute then fell out with me for no reason (that I know of) and has never spoke to me again since. She also blocked me everywhere. I was heartbroken and devastated, the not knowing what I had done or why she done it really messed my head up. It took me at least two years to start to feel ok again. I still think of her to this day and it still upsets me but I have to try and think of it as her loss, and is she really a loss if she could do this to me. My feelings when she fell out with me were just like grief, she was a huge part of my life then just gone.
It's really horrible when you have no answers, I don't trust anyone now that hasn't been in my life for ages xx

Oh that is horrible and sounds as tho you really suffered. I imagine (seriously) you must have just felt abandoned, which is monstrous.

Work on that specifically, think of all the people in your life who have remained in your life, those are the ones who deserve your thoughts and time.

Thank you. It's hard but we have to keep going.

It explains it on here:

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Looks good hope it helps. I sometimes wonder if people who have good mental health how hard we sometimes have to work just to feel normal. Don't mean that to be a oh look poor me thing. But it is hard work.

 

[Becs]

Looks good hope it helps. I sometimes wonder if people who have good mental health how hard we sometimes have to work just to feel normal. Don't mean that to be a oh look poor me thing. But it is hard work.

I can relate to that when I'm not feeling good at work. I'll arrive and sit in the car and have to force myself out, then as I'm walking into the call, I pop the fake smile on and I'm all cheerful with the staff and customers, then I get back in the car afterwards and I just kind of slump and feel drained. I feel like I'm acting a part when I'm in store doing my job.

 

[S.S.R..]

I had a male friend that I was close to. I liked him and shared a lot of personal information and trusted him. All of a sudden, he just cut me off for no apparent reason. We hadn't argued or anything and I looked back through the last few chat messages but they were all just ordinary everyday chat. I have tried to contact him to find out what I did to upset him so much but he's blocked me on social media and on here, so I can't speak to him. I've since found out it's called ghosting. Lack of closure really messed with my head and I've to kind of grieve the loss as I valued the friendship.

It's sociopathic behaviour. Consider yourself lucky they're out of your life and causing no harm. Normal people don't toss others aside like toys they're bored with.

 

[look out piano]

Had another session with my cpn yesterday, first we chatted about the match, SAFC and got stuff off our chests about the current set up .

We then moved on to me, I basically spilled my guts and condensed about 40 years into 1hr, I cried a lot again.

He basically said I was a strong person to get through all I have done even if I feel weak as fuck .

I just told him I'm still breathing, so that's something and that I wouldn't kill myself as my son needs me and my mam / brother had no choice in the matter.

I'm finding ways to cope and busy my mind in short bursts but they're not ideal.
I did buy myself a weighted hula hoop, managed a few swings tonight first try but I probably looked like a walrus having a seizure

Sending my love to you all, depression, anxiety and stress really sucks but there are some fabulous people on here who can empathise with what I'm going through.

I'm feeling overwhelmed mentally a lot of the time, I have pm's I'd like to send but I just can't find the words at times.
I have no real life friends because I don't have the mental strength to maintain relationships, if I don't get close to folks they can't hurt me or leave me....

 

[D.A]

Had another session with my cpn yesterday, first we chatted about the match, SAFC and got stuff off our chests about the current set up .

We then moved on to me, I basically spilled my guts and condensed about 40 years into 1hr, I cried a lot again.

He basically said I was a strong person to get through all I have done even if I feel weak as fuck .

I just told him I'm still breathing, so that's something and that I wouldn't kill myself as my son needs me and my mam / brother had no choice in the matter.

I'm finding ways to cope and busy my mind in short bursts but they're not ideal.
I did buy myself a weighted hula hoop, managed a few swings tonight first try but I probably looked like a walrus having a seizure

Sending my love to you all, depression, anxiety and stress really sucks but there are some fabulous people on here who can empathise with what I'm going through.

I'm feeling overwhelmed mentally a lot of the time, I have pm's I'd like to send but I just can't find the words at times.
I have no real life friends because I don't have the mental strength to maintain relationships, if I don't get close to folks they can't hurt me or leave me....

Well done on going, sounds positive. Get practicing that hula hoop!

 

[look out piano]

Well done on going, sounds positive. Get practicing that hula hoop!

I didn't actually go anywhere, he comes to my house
And thank you, it's tricky but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually

 

[lucky]

I didn't actually go anywhere, he comes to my house
And thank you, it's tricky but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually

You keep going mate , Should be more nice people like you in the world and same goes for everyone on this thread

 

[look out piano]

You keep going mate , Should be more nice people like you in the world and same goes for everyone on this thread

Thank you my love, really appreciate it

 

[CPLforever]

Had another session with my cpn yesterday, first we chatted about the match, SAFC and got stuff off our chests about the current set up .

We then moved on to me, I basically spilled my guts and condensed about 40 years into 1hr, I cried a lot again.

He basically said I was a strong person to get through all I have done even if I feel weak as fuck .

I just told him I'm still breathing, so that's something and that I wouldn't kill myself as my son needs me and my mam / brother had no choice in the matter.

I'm finding ways to cope and busy my mind in short bursts but they're not ideal.
I did buy myself a weighted hula hoop, managed a few swings tonight first try but I probably looked like a walrus having a seizure

Sending my love to you all, depression, anxiety and stress really sucks but there are some fabulous people on here who can empathise with what I'm going through.

I'm feeling overwhelmed mentally a lot of the time, I have pm's I'd like to send but I just can't find the words at times.
I have no real life friends because I don't have the mental strength to maintain relationships, if I don't get close to folks they can't hurt me or leave me....

I sometimes wonder, why, with everything some people have to go through how they are not just mute heaps on the floor talking in tongues and not being able to function at all. Or in my case... in prison.

The fact that you keep going, seek help, keep trying to get better, keep trying things to help you manage is a testament to your strength and resiliance.

Hula hoop? Get at it girl ❤

 

[look out piano]

I sometimes wonder, why, with everything some people have to go through how they are not just mute heaps on the floor talking in tongues and not being able to function at all. Or in my case... in prison.

The fact that you keep going, seek help, keep trying to get better, keep trying things to help you manage is a testament to your strength and resiliance.

Hula hoop? Get at it girl ❤

Thank you my love, life is tough - but so am I xx
And aye the hula hoop I'd spotted on Facebook video clips, fat lasses going for it so I wanted to give it a try

 

[back_to_winning_ways]

Thank you my love, life is tough - but so am I xx
And aye the hula hoop I'd spotted on Facebook video clips, fat lasses going for it so I wanted to give it a try

Life is tough, but you are too xx

 

[look out piano]

Life is tough, but you are too xx

Xxx

 

[Five-Quarter]

Had another session with my cpn yesterday, first we chatted about the match, SAFC and got stuff off our chests about the current set up .

We then moved on to me, I basically spilled my guts and condensed about 40 years into 1hr, I cried a lot again.

He basically said I was a strong person to get through all I have done even if I feel weak as fuck .

I just told him I'm still breathing, so that's something and that I wouldn't kill myself as my son needs me and my mam / brother had no choice in the matter.

I'm finding ways to cope and busy my mind in short bursts but they're not ideal.
I did buy myself a weighted hula hoop, managed a few swings tonight first try but I probably looked like a walrus having a seizure

Sending my love to you all, depression, anxiety and stress really sucks but there are some fabulous people on here who can empathise with what I'm going through.

I'm feeling overwhelmed mentally a lot of the time, I have pm's I'd like to send but I just can't find the words at times.
I have no real life friends because I don't have the mental strength to maintain relationships, if I don't get close to folks they can't hurt me or leave me....

First post I read when I opened the thread

And thought yup that's me mate

Just rang a service commissioned by work

Was dreading it. Broke my tiny heart. Cried a lot. Struggled to breathe but managed to outline what's been going on

I sometimes scoff at "talking helps". I sometimes scoff at any sort of service because a lot of my experiences haven't been positive

I got booted off the caseload by a CPN because I didn't attend an appointment. Got booted by the alcohol service. Because I didn't return a call.

Can't get my head around services to help struggling people who pull the rug when people are struggling.

And am a bit like you. I don't have any close mates anymore. Those I do, I just can't say am not feeling good can I talk to you. Others have drifted away.

My brother blocked my number over Christmas when I text to ask if I could talk to him

Anyway. I achieved something. I talked to someone. And now I have to wait for a clinical person to consider the assessment but trauma based therapy, CBT was the suggestion

Which I think is what I need

Wish had rang when I was in crisis a little over a week ago like but it is what it is etc

Just posting (as I often do lately) to park my thoughts somewhere

Need to do something very different long term because I don't recognise when am slipping and then crash big time into a massive wall.

Then come out of it. Think wtf happened there. Plod on. Repeat the cycle

All the best to all as well

 

[lucky]

First post I read when I opened the thread

And thought yup that's me mate

Just rang a service commissioned by work

Was dreading it. Broke my tiny heart. Cried a lot. Struggled to breathe but managed to outline what's been going on

I sometimes scoff at "talking helps". I sometimes scoff at any sort of service because a lot of my experiences haven't been positive

I got booted off the caseload by a CPN because I didn't attend an appointment. Got booted by the alcohol service. Because I didn't return a call.

Can't get my head around services to help struggling people who pull the rug when people are struggling.

And am a bit like you. I don't have any close mates anymore. Those I do, I just can't say am not feeling good can I talk to you. Others have drifted away.

My brother blocked my number over Christmas when I text to ask if I could talk to him

Anyway. I achieved something. I talked to someone. And now I have to wait for a clinical person to consider the assessment but trauma based therapy, CBT was the suggestion

Which I think is what I need

Wish had rang when I was in crisis a little over a week ago like but it is what it is etc

Just posting (as I often do lately) to park my thoughts somewhere

Need to do something very different long term because I don't recognise when am slipping and then crash big time into a massive wall.

Then come out of it. Think wtf happened there. Plod on. Repeat the cycle

All the best to all as well

 

[CPLforever]

Need to do something very different long term because I don't recognise when am slipping and then crash big time into a massive wall.

Then come out of it. Think wtf happened there. Plod on. Repeat the cycle

I always thing this is very important and should be highlighted. Try to recognise the signs of the beginnings of your downward spiral.

Once you can do this then you can try and avoid the crash or at least it's not so bad cos you caught it a bit earlier.

Mind you, the old adage easier said than done sometimes springs to mind when I am doling out advice, but like you said. It is less advice and more thinking out loud.

 

[Five-Quarter]

I always thing this is very important and should be highlighted. Try to recognise the signs of the beginnings of your downward spiral.

Once you can do this then you can try and avoid the crash or at least it's not so bad cos you caught it a bit earlier.

Mind you, the old adage easier said than done sometimes springs to mind when I am doling out advice, but like you said. It is less advice and more thinking out loud.

Your post the other week about it made total sense

I started slipping early December. By Christmas I'd reached a bottomless pit

Thinking out loud is good. Am way too open on here. I reckon people who know me can identify me. Certainly one mate has

But I don't tend to have an effective filter. Then sometimes I actually don't care. It's only a forum and I've nowt much to put up a front about and pretend my life is amazing

Are you doing ok by the way?

 

[lucky]

Your post the other week about it made total sense

I started slipping early December. By Christmas I'd reached a bottomless pit

Thinking out loud is good. Am way too open on here. I reckon people who know me can identify me. Certainly one mate has

But I don't tend to have an effective filter. Then sometimes I actually don't care. It's only a forum and I've nowt much to put up a front about and pretend my life is amazing

Are you doing ok by the way?

This is why I have so much respect for you , the fact you still ask about others

 

[Five-Quarter]

This is why I have so much respect for you , the fact you still ask about others

Part self consciousness and part because we all know fine well for every person who posts, there's probably a lot hiding away trying to deal with things in silence (understandably)

 

[look out piano]

First post I read when I opened the thread

And thought yup that's me mate

Just rang a service commissioned by work

Was dreading it. Broke my tiny heart. Cried a lot. Struggled to breathe but managed to outline what's been going on

I sometimes scoff at "talking helps". I sometimes scoff at any sort of service because a lot of my experiences haven't been positive

I got booted off the caseload by a CPN because I didn't attend an appointment. Got booted by the alcohol service. Because I didn't return a call.

Can't get my head around services to help struggling people who pull the rug when people are struggling.

And am a bit like you. I don't have any close mates anymore. Those I do, I just can't say am not feeling good can I talk to you. Others have drifted away.

My brother blocked my number over Christmas when I text to ask if I could talk to him

Anyway. I achieved something. I talked to someone. And now I have to wait for a clinical person to consider the assessment but trauma based therapy, CBT was the suggestion

Which I think is what I need

Wish had rang when I was in crisis a little over a week ago like but it is what it is etc

Just posting (as I often do lately) to park my thoughts somewhere

Need to do something very different long term because I don't recognise when am slipping and then crash big time into a massive wall.

Then come out of it. Think wtf happened there. Plod on. Repeat the cycle

All the best to all as well

Glad you're reaching out again my love, it's hard but worth it
Oh and a few years ago I got kicked off the talking therapies books, cpn had called, his line was bad so he hung up.
He then called again and my phone went onto voicemail as it was having a wobbler and he just pretty much sacked me off.
Luckily the guy I see now is face to face and canny, sadly though I think I only have 5 or possibly 6 sessions left.
I did ask what happened after that and it seems I'll have to re-refer (he did say I may want to look at grief counselling but not sure how much that'll help, they're both dead and they're not coming back sadly ).
Keep howld and keep on keeping on xx

 

[Five-Quarter]

Glad you're reaching out again my love, it's hard but worth it
Oh and a few years ago I got kicked off the talking therapies books, cpn had called, his line was bad so he hung up.
He then called again and my phone went onto voicemail as it was having a wobbler and he just pretty much sacked me off.
Luckily the guy I see now is face to face and canny, sadly though I think I only have 5 or possibly 6 sessions left.
I did ask what happened after that and it seems I'll have to re-refer (he did say I may want to look at grief counselling but not sure how much that'll help, they're both dead and they're not coming back sadly ).
Keep howld and keep on keeping on xx

Oh yeah I got booted off Talking Changes too because i didn't want to talk to someone and bugger myself up while at work so sacked it off. Am a bit useless at both talking and facing things

Your last point you know. I mentioned my dad again today. I've never dealt with it. It's buried so deep I don't even know when the anniversary of his death is - and I don't want to know

The CPN was going to refer me into some sort of ongoing service. It was initially in response to a crisis situation. I didn't answer the door for the last visit, missed a call and then got a letter saying I hadn't engaged. I'd had 3 sessions previously but seemingly that didn't count and it was two strikes and out

Am just satisfying my inner anger writing a complaint to the alcohol service. Am only up to my 5th page. It's an unfortunate curse that for a long time I worked with support providers so should know damn well what they actually should be doing. It's very objective and balanced though

Ramble ramble, outpouring of thinking aloud thoughts. Etc
X.