Good advice from your partner there. Facilitate ongoing relationship between kids and grandparents but for your own sanity step back and don't expect too much for yourself. That's what I'd do (ha ha laughing cos easier said than done)
I don't know if this will be a helpful comment or not but from the outside I can tell you I'd much rather have your life than his. You're entirely right to feel aggrieved by the double standards but it sounds as though your brother probably has a very small, empty life that I wouldn't wish for myself.
Yes too
Sound basic advice above ^ Also speak to your gp about it. He/she may be able to identify something for you to to address. You've begun the process so very well done.
Took a wee time to think about this.
Dunno about anyone else but I think it's hard wired from childhood
Humans cling to their past (good & bad) so any "criticism" remains within our outlook and I think bad memories take precedence over better ones which leads to thinking about making a mess of things. Which isn't going to happen, but for some reason(s) people are self-convinced it will. Which inevitably takes us back to the cycle that needs to be escaped from.
You've described automatic negative thoughts for which CBT would be the first line. It won't address the childhood stuff of course but that's not always a bad thing. There's often quite a lot of variety in the quality of CBT offered but it would be a good start in your case I think.
Years of psychotherapy and reading has taught me the same as you believe. Years of messaging, criticism, nothing being good enough, moving goal posts ad nauseum. It all builds up and sometimes we don't see it. It is an odd thing as it can be so buried that we don't recognise it. Like sometimes I will be perplexed why I feel that way and then the therapist asks where do I think I got those messages or ideas from and it is so obvious and I don't know how I forgot. Just needed someone to prompt my thoughts. Other times I do parts work in IFS and it just comes blurting out like an overflow that just won't stop!
It can be a good starting point, even better if you get someone who blends it with other therapies. I had good benefits from it early and think it is very good for people who are not ready to delve deeper or perhaps don't recognise they might need to.
It's about finding the correct starting point to address the issue(s). I totally agree with your post & frustration, but to begin people need to go along that route to get to the bottom of it. Whoever someone is referred to makes quite a difference (like anything). I shouldn't really have said that but as you say I see your frustration.
Yeah I agree. Any frustration I have is more on behalf of others sent to low level therapies who have much higher needs. I saw it for years when I worked at a mental health charity. They were inundated with people with serious needs.
I had similar connection when I worked in an NHS hospital for 20 odd years that housed three units so what I was told by attendees & their relatives during conversations gave me some insight to that healthcare area. I always had time for that group because I knew what they were going through.
Make sure you definately take your own advice here mind
You're correct, pick the bits out that are relevant & don't relate everything to yourself. That's what it's all about. But most importantly, if you feel the need to post (wherever) just do it
I feel for you there. If you think back, have they always been critical and unhelpful, and invalidated your emotions? It could even be a contributing factor to any problems you have caused yourself. I massively increased my problems by re-traumatising myself, self sabotage etc to prove I am what I was told I am.
So basically you try to tell them you are trying to get yourself sorted and instead of saying good on you they just piled on.
