Depression

[DBStar]

15 months sober and discharged from mental health services this week
Processed some childhood trauma that I had only told two people about until very recently



Promethazine


Send a PM if you want marra

That's fantastic. Love hearing a successful recovery story.

I'm still working through my childhood after nearly 4 years of psychotherapy. I'd be dead without it. I wish I had realised earlier, rather than succumbing to repetition compulsion and engaging in behaviours that re-traumatised myself. Then effectively I started again halfway through by telling the behaviours to the therapist.

I wish we could recharge the people who commit the horrors that cause trauma. Nearly £8k spent now.

 

[rey mysterio]

Hope everyone is doing okay. I’m having a bit of a wobble like, arguing with parents again over allsorts, worried about Christmas and the money situation.

Not sure if it’s the fact the clocks went back, weather is shit, all the bad news that’s flying around now, wars etc. plus the fact the people I talk to at work in my job are entitled angry arseholes and Karens, feel like my overall mood is changing for the worse and I have this minging sense of dread that won’t go away.

 

[Batdad]

Anyone on here prescribe Lithium?

My Dr. mentioned this to me and it was the first I’d heard of it. Any advice would be welcome?

It's one of the most effective psychiatric medications available but monitoring is a bit of a faff so its often underused.

 

[S.S.R..]

Hope everyone is doing okay. I’m having a bit of a wobble like, arguing with parents again over allsorts, worried about Christmas and the money situation.

Not sure if it’s the fact the clocks went back, weather is shit, all the bad news that’s flying around now, wars etc. plus the fact the people I talk to at work in my job are entitled angry arseholes and Karens, feel like my overall mood is changing for the worse and I have this minging sense of dread that won’t go away.

My family and work colleagues suck so much I sometimes think I'm living in a simulation designed to punish me.

 

[monkeytassle]

@Gillythedilf

Good thread with good people.

 

[GillytheGilf]

@Gillythedilf

Good thread with good people.

I’ve browsed it mate over the years but never really pass comment .

Must be a living hell at times for people

 

[Nathan Gunn]

I have these thoughts occasionally. I'm the middle child of 3 brothers. My older brother is 26 and youngest one is still a bairn (14) still living at home. Me and my older brother have both moved out and have our own houses. Difference though is i've got a fiance and 2 kids, he's single and has always struggled for friends so doesn't really have a social life. Other than going to the match ever other week he does nothing else outside of work. So my parents make an effort all the time to see him and make sure he's not "left on his own", he regularly spends nights back home at my parents house. If SAFC are at home, his weekend is go to the match on saturday, then jump in the car with my dad to go back to mams. He'll then stay over, have sunday dinner the next day, then get dropped back home late sunday evening. He doesn't drive either so they just taxi him around which really annoys me. If i ever ask for a lift (for a night out for example) there's every chance my mam would have an excuse. That's hard to take when i see him getting lifts every week for no reason other than to stop him being lonely!

They invited me and the kids to meet them at a pub for breakfast yesterday, i assumed the older brother would also be meeting us there. But they turned up with him already in the car (he's stayed the night at home again the night before). This pub was 10 minutes walk from his flat. So rather than just stay at his house overnight and meet us for breakfast, he still got a lift back to mams to sleep there.

I think because they know i have a life away from them now they don't seem to bother anymore unless I initiate it. There have been times i've asked if they'd be able to have the kids overnight occasionally and they've said they can't as the older brother is staying over and taking the spare room.

I've often thought about just telling them where to go and living my life - but then i see my kids love seeing them and spending time with them. So i don't think i could ever do it, but my life certainly wouldn't suffer

And to add to this, during the half term last week they took my youngest for a night away up to whitley bay. I was under the impression it was just my parents taking her away. When she got back she said her uncle (my older brother) also went along and was staying at grandmas again tonight because they go on holiday tomorrow.

Turns out, they'd booked a 2/3 day break up at scotland through the half term and my mam, dad and two brothers were going up. I knew nothing about this at all and only found out cos my 4 year old daughter mentioned to me. So my whole family on my side (apart from me) went on a nice little break.

When i asked why i was never asked to go the response i got was, "it wasn't a proper holiday and i knew you (and my partner) were both working anyway". Well if you'd asked i'd have put a few days holiday in, the same way my brother did when he was asked!!

And they wonder why i don't bother!! The lengths they go to to make sure he has things to do is pathetic. He's 27 next month, surely it's time he started to build his own life. Our parents won't be around forever!

 

[CPLforever]

And to add to this, during the half term last week they took my youngest for a night away up to whitley bay. I was under the impression it was just my parents taking her away. When she got back she said her uncle (my older brother) also went along and was staying at grandmas again tonight because they go on holiday tomorrow.

Turns out, they'd booked a 2/3 day break up at scotland through the half term and my mam, dad and two brothers were going up. I knew nothing about this at all and only found out cos my 4 year old daughter mentioned to me. So my whole family on my side (apart from me) went on a nice little break.

When i asked why i was never asked to go the response i got was, "it wasn't a proper holiday and i knew you (and my partner) were both working anyway". Well if you'd asked i'd have put a few days holiday in, the same way my brother did when he was asked!!

And they wonder why i don't bother!! The lengths they go to to make sure he has things to do is pathetic. He's 27 next month, surely it's time he started to build his own life. Our parents won't be around forever!

This must have been so hurtful and if stuff likes this has probably gone on all your life. The thing is your brother is probably blissfully unaware, having been on the receiving end of this favourable treatment all his life. I could see how this could make you feel devastated and depressed.

Concentrate on you and yours is all you can do I suppose.

 

[Cyrus]

Hi all, not a great day for me here. If anyone tells me anything I take it on as if it's me personally .
I am off work with a chest infection, start a new job in January , but still want to be in and feel useful. I don't enjoy leisure time unless I am helping someone or doing a task.

But the thing that is hitting me today, is jealousy of people who just go through a normal day and not have to fight off a million horrible thoughts and feelings, everyday I get to the end of is a miracle.

Things got really bad the other week , but but I guess looking from the outside did have a positive. Instead of telling myself how to end things and creating a plan with time and location. Instead I just felt like I was in a crowd of traffic and I would just lie down and let the world sweep past me.

Yet so some on here and the world it would look like I live a blessed life, so how can I take up time telling people about this hell I live every day.

Apart from on here , I bet you lot have saved countless lives without ever knowing about it.

 

[CPLforever]

Hi all, not a great day for me here. If anyone tells me anything I take it on as if it's me personally .
I am off work with a chest infection, start a new job in January , but still want to be in and feel useful. I don't enjoy leisure time unless I am helping someone or doing a task.

But the thing that is hitting me today, is jealousy of people who just go through a normal day and not have to fight off a million horrible thoughts and feelings, everyday I get to the end of is a miracle.

Things got really bad the other week , but but I guess looking from the outside did have a positive. Instead of telling myself how to end things and creating a plan with time and location. Instead I just felt like I was in a crowd of traffic and I would just lie down and let the world sweep past me.

Yet so some on here and the world it would look like I live a blessed life, so how can I take up time telling people about this hell I live every day.

Apart from on here , I bet you lot have saved countless lives without ever knowing about it.

I think there is nothing worse than running about, doing your best for everyone, turning up, attending and it is such such hard work. Around you people seem to be getting on with it and coping marvelously. But you know deep down they probably aren't. I have this idea that we are all just swans. We look as though we are gliding along but underneath we are all just paddling furiously.

What you have seemed to do tho is found a coping, distraction method from those dark thoughts you have. The traffic sweeping past image is a good idea (one I might borrow if you don't mind ) it's a great technique for taking a minute,clearing your head and shutting out those outside distractions/annoyances.

Stay strong and thanks for giving me a technique and image to use when it all gets a bit too hectic for me.

 

[Cyrus]

I think there is nothing worse than running about, doing your best for everyone, turning up, attending and it is such such hard work. Around you people seem to be getting on with it and coping marvelously. But you know deep down they probably aren't. I have this idea that we are all just swans. We look as though we are gliding along but underneath we are all just paddling furiously.

What you have seemed to do tho is found a coping, distraction method from those dark thoughts you have. The traffic sweeping past image is a good idea (one I might borrow if you don't mind ) it's a great technique for taking a minute,clearing your head and shutting out those outside distractions/annoyances.

Stay strong and thanks for giving me a technique and image to use when it all gets a bit too hectic for me.

That's ok and thanks , I also think of it as going ghosted like on GTA5 . Going somewhere where no one knows me also helps

 

[The Breen Machine]

Does anyone else go through spells of borderline self destruction where you get into spells/mindsets/situations which completely consume you and you stop thinking and behaving logically?

 

[Cyrus]

Does anyone else go through spells of borderline self destruction where you get into spells/mindsets/situations which completely consume you and you stop thinking and behaving logically?

Yes loads , in the mindset of not giving a fuck and throwing everything away in an act of destruction

 

[The Breen Machine]

Yes loads , in the mindset of not giving a fuck and throwing everything away in an act of destruction

I get it, I've been like this for years, It's not even that I don't give a fuck, I just get into something which I can't get out of and I stop giving rational thought to anything else.

 

[Cyrus]

I get it, I've been like this for years, It's not even that I don't give a fuck, I just get into something which I can't get out of and I stop giving rational thought to anything else.

Like a feedback loop, that just intensifies on each pass

 

[CPLforever]

Does anyone else go through spells of borderline self destruction where you get into spells/mindsets/situations which completely consume you and you stop thinking and behaving logically?

Like destroy. Destroy it all, but really you are just talking about yourself.

I always think it is about extreme actions cos you are just trying to feel better, feel anything, not feel empty.

I get it, I've been like this for years, It's not even that I don't give a fuck, I just get into something which I can't get out of and I stop giving rational thought to anything else.

You described it as going borderline. Have you been diagnosed? So when it happens you know what's going on? Not saying this stops you mind, there is just an awareness of your behaviour and what you are doing. It is almost as if you can't stop yourself.

 

[The Breen Machine]

Like destroy. Destroy it all, but really you are just talking about yourself.

I always think it is about extreme actions cos you are just trying to feel better, feel anything, not feel empty.

You described it as going borderline. Have you been diagnosed? So when it happens you know what's going on? Not saying this stops you mind, there is just an awareness of your behaviour and what you are doing. It is almost as if you can't stop yourself.

I haven't, I have been treated for anxiety and depression in the past but nothing recent. I think I just seem to attract getting into situations which are fundamentally wrong but then I obsess over them a bit so my mind struggles to leave them.

 

[CPLforever]

I haven't, I have been treated for anxiety and depression in the past but nothing recent. I think I just seem to attract getting into situations which are fundamentally wrong but then I obsess over them a bit so my mind struggles to leave them.

Not an expert by any means and not giving you any advice, we are just having a chat but I do know those who have borderline also, typically suffer "co morbidity" depression and anxiety. Might be worth exploring.

Things like destructive behaviour, addiction, self harm, recklessness, feelings of regret and shame that you can't shake off even after the most innocuous of actions

Just sometimes think understanding exactly why we are feeling the way we do goes someway to dealing with it better. Good luck

 

[The Breen Machine]

Not an expert by any means and not giving you any advice, we are just having a chat but I do know those who have borderline also, typically suffer "co morbidity" depression and anxiety. Might be worth exploring.

Things like destructive behaviour, addiction, self harm, recklessness, feelings of regret and shame that you can't shake off even after the most innocuous of actions

Just sometimes think understanding exactly why we are feeling the way we do goes someway to dealing with it better. Good luck

Cheers mate, talking does help, I am a big believer in that, sometimes when you feel the shame it's hard to open up fully though which is half my battle.

 

[Nathan Gunn]

This must have been so hurtful and if stuff likes this has probably gone on all your life. The thing is your brother is probably blissfully unaware, having been on the receiving end of this favourable treatment all his life. I could see how this could make you feel devastated and depressed.

Concentrate on you and yours is all you can do I suppose.

I think because they know I’m so much more independent I’ve always just been left to crack on. And to be honest I do prefer that. But i always thought once we both got older it would start to even out as we’d both moved out etc.

I think my brother does know it’s not right, but on the other hand he probably worries if they spend less time with him he’ll be lonely. So he just quietly allows it to continue.

My partner keeps telling me to just take a step back and wait for them to bother with me, but I don’t want my kids to stop seeing their grandparents. So it’s difficult.

It doesn’t really upset me. When I heard they were going away I didn’t really wish I was going. I just got annoyed at the fact the options was never there for me.