Dealing with a family death

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Sussex By The Sea said:
Post mortem will reveal all we hope.

He was, then discharged after a week, it was a badly broken leg ffs, he wasn't supposed to die. Live the rest of his life with a limp was about the worst thing long term.
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It might be unconnected to the crash?
 


Best keep your own council. Once something has been said, it cannot be unsaid. If you say the wrong thing your sister may hold it against you for the rest of her life.
 
Leicester Fan said:
If he "deserved" to die for that then I'd have been dead countless times in my life.

A young lad who did something stupid, we've all been there and I'm not just on about drink driving.

My condolences to his poor Mam.
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You have driven your car 3 times over the limit countless times? You total and utter dickhead.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
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The very sad thing is, he did bring it on himself, but he didn't think and it's cost him his life. We've all made mistakes, many we wish we can take back, whether we were sober or drunk.
He certainly won't have meant to have an accident but he impaired himself and it's lead to this.
It's not a case of it being fair or not. Life isn't fair. In the main, it's our choices that define our life.

I suspect he thought he was fine. Young, confident and happy. It's such a waste of life. Not just for the person who's died, but for all the people he's left behind.
Very sad for the family. I suspect there's a lot of anger floating around there so as someone has said, keep your own council and be there for your family.
It's easy to judge in hindsight, but the fact remains that there's been a death in the family and you need to be there for each other
 
Sorry to read your family lost someone at such a young age,whatever the circumstances it's very difficult for all those affected. Everyone grieves in a different way,and only time can heal,albeit never completely.For some there is a kind of delayed reaction and acceptance,but sticking together and supporting each other is the most important thing. There are plenty of decent,kind souls on here who have been through this sadness and can empathise.

Wish you and your family well.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
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One of my school mates, who was a lovely lad until he was about 14, and his ego and obnoxiousness got in the way, died after a manjor car crash when he was about 18. He had gone from being extremely popular to considered by many to be an arsehole over the course of a few years. He had been using heroin on an off, and mixing with some utter bell ends. He turned up in school a few months after we had gone into the sixth form and he had gone on to college. Most people gave him the cold shoulder, and a few people were saying out loud what an arrogant arsehole he had become. When he died he had been in a car with his arsehole friends, and they had been driving dangerously. A few people were very upset but a number just said words to the effect that it was hard to feel pity for someone who acted like such a bell end, and who had put innocent people's lives in danger by going along with people driving like idiots. He had about a week in coma before he actually died. I only felt bad for his mum, who he had put through a lot. To this day I feel no pity for the position he put himself in. But every now and then I remember him rolling up his sleeves and showing me the state of his arms and there was a glimpse of the lad he had been and him saying "I can't stop." That is the only part of it that genuinely upsets me. I probably think about that at least once every couple of weeks.

We had lost another schoolmate the year before in a car crash. He was minding his own business, driving back early in the morning from an overnight shift in a factory, and two Royal Mail drivers were racing each other on both sides of the road. They just smashed head on through the front of his car, left him split in two with half of him on the back seat, with him instantly dead. Those bastards only got a few months and then they were out again. It makes me cry just thinking about that bit, then I remember that his mum killed herself in the grave yard the week after they buried him.
 
Aye, my uncle drank himself to death when I was 12.
I was the only one kid allowed to go to the funeral as we were very close, he in fact took me to my first ever football game.

But even then as sad as it was, I couldn't cry about it or even feel sadness because it was a long time coming.

Going to his house and having to evict his dosser mates from the house and clean up after them.
All the while my uncle is paralytic in a chair.

As much as i liked the bloke and as much as he gave me ( sober he was a superb fella) I just can't feel anything about him dying.
It was self inflicted and at 12 I knew that.
 
We have almost all done things that we could have died from that would have been 'brought on ourselves'.

How many of us have drunk driven, sniffed drugs, engaged in a dangerous sport, got drunk and done something stupid, been distracted and not paid attention crossing the road, started a fight, smoked cigarettes for a few years, deep fried foods, ate red meat, been overweight...

Life would be boring as fuck if people didn't sometimes act impulsively or do dangerous and stupid things. Don't get me wrong - he shouldn't have drink driven - but I don't think people should be high and mighty about it. I haven't drunk driven either - but no doubt I've done things that have put other people at risk. I'm not proud of it but how many of us can say we have never put others at risk? So even if he's done something wrong, it still absolutely tragic that someone less than a third of the way through their life dies. Presumably before he got married, had children, got to see sights across the world etc.

I can only feel empathy in a situation like that - and while I understand it - I think it's sad that anyone gets so hung up about a stupid and reckless act that they let it get in the way of feeling sympathy for the fact a young man died.

He's the same age as me FFS, poor guy.
 
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