Dealing with a family death

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Sussex By The Sea

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My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
 


Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
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I see your point but I would never ever say it to her or anyone else, it's still a tragedy and I'm sorry for your loss mate.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
Click to expand...
No, but I think I would be feeling the same way. However, I'd be keeping to myself.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
Click to expand...
My sympathies marra.
 
Its a tragic story that, my sympathies. Everyone makes mistakes marra. Cant begin to imagine how devastated you and your family are, everyone has different reactions to losing a family member I suppose, don't beat yourself up.
 
There was a woman in our post office bleating on about her son last year who had smashed himself up in a car. Thankfully it was only him. She was saying how he was suffering at home, not getting up due to his injuries and how mentally traumatic it was. Nobody knew and she didn't let on that he was absolutely mortal when he crashed. He managed to get away with it as he was too unwell to get a breathalyser. His mates knew he was pissed, all the emergency services knew and his Mam knew but she avoided telling anyone during her relaying of the event.
It's tragic for everyone involved.
 
Unfortunately, he made a grave error and that has cost his loved ones dearly. The flip side of it, is he could've hurt or killed somebody else. Sorry for your loss anyways mate. Young lads make daft mistakes, Christ knows I've had my fair share.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
Click to expand...

If he "deserved" to die for that then I'd have been dead countless times in my life.

A young lad who did something stupid, we've all been there and I'm not just on about drink driving.

My condolences to his poor Mam.
 
That's f***ing awful that mate. I'll bet you change your mind about it as time goes on. We've all done daft things but regardless it's a horrible thing to happen. Hope you're ok. My condolences pal.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
Click to expand...
And there but for good luck stand the rest of us.Yes he`s been daft but as everyone else has said so have we all at some point.It is unfair if you think about it as to how some get away with it and how some pay the ultimate price all decided in an arbitary fashion. Yes be angry for what he`s caused your sister, that is quite normal but remember what you`ve all lost as well if that makes sense.
Anyway sympathies for your loss
 
The replies sum it up.., The patrons of the SMB would be the first to jump down the throat of a drink driver whether they got safely from A to B in drink or not.

But... in the cold light of day, if it was a member of anyone's family on here they'd want to protect their memory. Not have their lasting memory and legacy to be that huge mistake they made.

Remember the happy smile the lad had.

Just look after your sister.
 
Sussex By The Sea said:
My sister found her son dead in bed this morning, he had a bad car crash 3 weeks ago due to him being 3 times over the limit.

He was only 24.

I can't get the thought out of my head that he brought it all on himself, I don't seem to have any empathy with the rest of the family claiming it's so unfair.

Anyone else had this?
Click to expand...
I'm also a bit of an unfeeling twat.

I'm able to detach myself and make value judgements on things that I really shouldn't be able to do if I was a normal non-sociopathic human being
 
Young and indestructible, we've all been there, but we have not all been in the same mental state.
 
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