Work stress; Diazepam

[Mercia Blackcat]

My problem right now is that I'm worked up about stuff all the time. They've given me minimum dosage - 2mg tablets - "one to be taken three times a day when required" and they definitely help quieten my mind and relax me. I've been managing full nights' sleep the last two nights since I started the diazepam too - can't remember the last time I managed that - and I've been napping in the daytime the last 2 days too.

Trying to distract myself by watching movies, playing computer games etc. but my head keeps returning to a state of dread and racing thoughts, where I'm essentially enacting potential future conversations with my bosses when I get back to work.

Sleep deprivation can be very debilitating and even produce temporary symptoms that are similar to neurosis and even psychosis. So it's good that you are now finding some sleep. The other problem is the anxiety which makes you want to see your employers and resolve the issues. So the mind races, thinking about how that will go. Try and let that go and trust in yourself. When the time comes you will feel better just to be getting on with that and you will know what to say at that time. Some doctors will understand the stigma attached to stress, anxiety and depression so may themselves prefer to put some other cause down on any written notes. Have a chat with your GP.

No, I'm a Website Content Manager / Brand Manager / Design Concept Creator / Marketing Manager / Social Media Manager / Intellectual Property Law advisor for a clothing printing company's 2 biggest selling websites, and sole Licensing Executive / Contract Law Executive in charge of finding clients, writing legal contracts, and examining and proposing alterations to legal contracts from other companies for our new merchandising sister-company, for which I just landed them a massive merchandising deal for a popular computer game after working on it with no help from anyone else for the last year.

£8 an hour I'm on, getting criticised for micro-nonsense regularly, and just got a verbal warning on Monday for a bit of ludicrously minor workplace banter with a close friend in another department.

I work 4 days a week, and it costs me £15 a day in taxis to get to and from work, so for the last 3 years I've been working my ass off for them and living in practical poverty while they're creaming in the cash from the work I do for them.

If I were to quit, they'd need to hire at least 3 people to replace me, and would probably have to pay each of them more than they pay me.

Basically, one of the two directors doesn't like the fact I don't kiss his ass like a mindless worshipper, and so I think he's got my direct supervisor out looking for any possible infraction they can whip me with to force me out of the company legally.

Overworked, under paid and under appreciated is a very old saying....

I was in a similar situation in the mid 1970s when I worked in engineering. I was scheduler, stock controller, production controller and stores controller (for a bonded store) all rolled into one. I effectively ran the place while the works manager sat on his fat arse upstairs and did fuck all. Everyone in the factory could see what was happening except senior management. I had an argument with a director when he criticised me living 12 miles away, as if that was the issue. The crunch came when they asked me to become a stand in inspector. In never entered their mind what a conflict of interests that was and I did it for a while but eventually left for somewhere else where I felt a lot better. That may be a more medium term solution mate.

 

[fyl2u]

I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone for all your advice.

You've all really helped put things into perspective for me, and now the thought of having a serious option of leaving and going freelance is making me feel much calmer.

I'm very grateful for all the support I've had on this thread, and just wanted you all to know how much I appreciate it.

Thanks everyone!

 

[NewAdventuresInWiFi]

Personally hoping to go back to work at the start of January now.

f***ing despise mental illness with a passion.

The sooner they work out the human brain the better like.

 

[5limJim]

Ive struggled with this for a few years, done CBT, counselling sessions and medication... Had it under control or at least suppressed for a couple years, but then a change up at work sent me back over the edge a bit... Had a long and open conversation with my boss last week and decided I wanted to leave... Fair play to him he suggested that just downing tools and leaving wouldn't help in the slightest, it was obvious that j wasn't enjoying my job and that I wasn't coping, managing a team of 15 people, who all view you as a soundboard etc for their own problems, when no one suspects you might have issues of your own... Comprised with an opportunity of a new role, where my responsibility is my own performance and not that of 15 others.. A step down, back in the phones but in a different dept... Fairly big pay cut but already I'm looking forward to it.. Money isn't everything... Mind is my dad got wind of how much of a pay cut I'd be taking he'd probably go mental as money was always a struggle for him... The new role gives me more weekends off.. Which means more time with the bairn... And generally less stress... Still
Mindful of the fact this may not be the long term solution, but maybe I need to take a step back for a while before I can start to move forward...

To anyone struggling with stress anxiety or depression it's refreshing to think that a forum like this may actually have some sound advice...

 

[Coeus]

I went through something similar a long time ago. I couldn't sleep one night and decided I had had enough and just ran away, initially the weight of my mind was enormous but one thing led to another and I became afraid of pretty much everything which of course led in to depression and a good 6 years of my life being written off. What changed it was a complete random and lucky set of events that had little to do with any plan.

Any method of escapism should set alarm bells ringing as your life should not really require escaping, its sound to me that smoking and the wine is exactly that.

My advice would be to learn from people you admire and to read, it sounds so simple but I had never put it into practice until recently. If your career or money is important, listen to Jim Rohn on youtube and you'll find many other people to provide idea's from there.

If you are seriously considering the freelancer route, I would research it thoroughly and make a financial plan. Please consider that whatever you do, you will be competing globally and unless you can obtain a reputation then it will be difficult to earn well.

That being said, I like the chap earlier In the thread have an ecommerce site and would gladly chat with you about the type of things you could provide for my small business.