What are your go to, never fail to raise a smile, jokes, banter?

[ErichZann]

Did you hear the one about the wooden car?

Wooden gan.

 

[Gelan]

errr


Men don't find farting women attractive

You just get used to it
You don't sweat much for a big girl.

 

[daveyc]

errr


Men don't find farting women attractive

That's yer epitaph sorted right there.

 

[LondonMackem]

Banter to others and jokes you have used over the years and they can still have life in their delivery?

I'll start with a few of mine.

'What's hairy, sits on a stool and plays the piano?' - Kate's bush


A girl I was chatting up told me she was a veggie. So I replied 'Well, lettuce into your knickers pet"


Next... (As in poster, not the shop. Give us your best/worst)

Whenever someone says a shit joke I say “leave the jokes to me son” and everyone erupts. I can imagine saying this to you given the OP.

 

[Kitch]

Sir Les Patterson, various interviews on you tube always cheers me up.

 

[Snugster]

What's brown and runs around the garden?

A fence.

What's brown and runny?




Usain Bolt.

 

[joemcdokes]

errr


Men don't find farting women attractive

I saw an article about some woman that makes £3000 a month making fart videos.

Fill ya boots, I mean ya pants.

 

[The soap powder]

Asking do you "Deliver"

Yeah we do

Ok can i have Liver and onions please

 

[Far Tibetan Mountain]

The urge to sing the chorus to The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away

"...He's our keeper our Belgian keeper..."

 

[John the Savage]

My mate told me he’d failed his exam in aboriginal music
So I asked him Didja redo it?

 

[FootballFan]

The one thread where he could actually post something relevant and space dodger pot/bot doesn't post.

 

[Johnny on the spot]

The one thread where he could actually post something relevant and space dodger pot/bot doesn't post.

.
He'll hopper long soon

 

[englishman abroad]

"We're on the right road now; we're laughing"
Haha

 

[Jukebox]

My mate asked me how the wife was doing, I said she was having woman trouble - she's having difficulty looking like one.
I'll get me coat.

 

[Proffesor H Plum]

Vic and Bob doing Donald and Davey stott or the Geordie jeans, sofas, jumpers sketches

 

[georgekinnell]

Confucius say - Man who take girl up on hill;
Him, not on level.

 

[Swindon On Tour]

The one that never leaves me and always raises a smile a true story.

Picture a small rural village I grew up in and the local butchers.
Family run and the Son, Michael has swept over greasy hair, no neck and wasn’t the best looking lad in the universe. Coupled with that had a laugh that sounded like an old car starting in winter .......set the scene.
Old Woman walks in Butchers up to the meat counter, Michael standing behind.
“Michael have you got a pigs head...”
“No I always comb my hair this way.”

Laughed I couldn’t stop and then followed by his laugh and daft grin.
Childhood like This Country for me.....best days of my life.
I rattle off stories one at a time when pissed

Banter to others and jokes you have used over the years and they can still have life in their delivery?

I'll start with a few of mine.

'What's hairy, sits on a stool and plays the piano?' - Kate's bush


A girl I was chatting up told me she was a veggie. So I replied 'Well, lettuce into your knickers pet"


Next... (As in poster, not the shop. Give us your best/worst)

Alcohol killed my first Wife.
I came home pissed one night and shot her....

Never fails

 

[tunstallhill]

What's brown, wrinkly, and floats in the bath?

Trevor McDonalds ball sack

 

[Billy Fish]

What's Rupert Bears middle name?

The.

 

[look out piano]

Certainly NOT "The big book of Tunstall Birdman painfully pitiful poetry" . Your poetry is tragic but as a man you're magic xx