What are your go to, never fail to raise a smile, jokes, banter?

tunstall birdman

tunstall birdman

Striker
Banter to others and jokes you have used over the years and they can still have life in their delivery?

I'll start with a few of mine.

'What's hairy, sits on a stool and plays the piano?' - Kate's bush


A girl I was chatting up told me she was a veggie. So I replied 'Well, lettuce into your knickers pet"


Next... (As in poster, not the shop. Give us your best/worst)
 


Generally referring to someone as a spenkoid, slap head gonk, gammon, dog botherer etc. gets a laugh. Anything insulting but absurdist enough to not cause offense. Had a 100% success rate convincing people that Warwick Davis eats little frogs rather than multivitamins recently, people always like a well-spun yarn.
 
Raker said:
Nuwcastle yanited
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Grosvenor House, burnt out range rovers pber unpaid debts, ex-footballers turning up at Rothbury to sort out gun crazed nutters or hug fat lases on trains, players fighting each other on the pitch leading to them being down to nine men, heroes whose only silverware was won before they came to Newcastle (at Blackburn) yet still lauded even when they got them relegated,perm headed rent boy lovers who stormed off in the huff twice and then there's this classic when they were beaten by us???

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Newcastle, the gift that keeps on giving...
 
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tunstall birdman said:
Banter to others and jokes you have used over the years and they can still have life in their delivery?

I'll start with a few of mine.

'What's hairy, sits on a stool and plays the piano?' - Kate's bush


A girl I was chatting up told me she was a veggie. So I replied 'Well, lettuce into your knickers pet"


Next... (As in poster, not the shop. Give us your best/worst)
Click to expand...
Do you want to see the white eared elephant ?
 

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