Umpire
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Get yer eyes tested , yer lugs washed out and try and stay awake
Go to the toilet before, and don't eat or drink much the night before
FatCat2402
Midfield
Take an elephant gun and fill it with shit to fire at the arsehole captain who argued with you
Nasser Butt-Head
Full Back
He's umpiring mate, not going over the trenches lol
Up the BR
Goalkeeper
Take no sh*t from bowlers or batters, you will never please everyone.
Dan..Dan..Dan..Dan
Winger
1,2,3,4,5,6 stop.
Harry Gates
Midfield
Don't adopt any stupid affectations like hopping on nelson.
Avoid any comparison with Dickie Bird, he's a twat.
Avoid any comparison with Dickie Bird, he's a twat.
1,2,3,4,5
or
1,2,3,4,5, show card, 6,7,8,9,10
or
1,2,3,4,5, show card, 6,7,8,9,10
Dan..Dan..Dan..Dan
Winger
Also see Billy Bowden.
I recommend attempting to never giving an LBW during the whole of your career.
Harry Gates
Midfield
Be thankful he was never a proctologist.
Dan..Dan..Dan..Dan
Winger
A hooky finger could, in certain circumstances, be a useful piece of kit.
no_salmonpants
Goalkeeper
ECB doesn't like this
Fantastic to hear, good luck.
I’d say to bear in mind that the odd dick who has a go at a bad decision (you’re bound to make some) will be massively outweighed by the silent majority who really appreciate you doing it.
I’d say to bear in mind that the odd dick who has a go at a bad decision (you’re bound to make some) will be massively outweighed by the silent majority who really appreciate you doing it.
Good luck!
Was at the NEPL dinner last week, Geoff Miller (excellent entertainment) recalled the intellect of Don Topley by recalling how he asked an umpire where he was at in his over, the ump held 3 fingers up. Off Don trotted to his run up, he then turned around, trotted back to the umpire to ask whether it was 3 gone or 3 to come..
Moral is, be realistic about what’s between the lugs of your average league cricketer.
Was at the NEPL dinner last week, Geoff Miller (excellent entertainment) recalled the intellect of Don Topley by recalling how he asked an umpire where he was at in his over, the ump held 3 fingers up. Off Don trotted to his run up, he then turned around, trotted back to the umpire to ask whether it was 3 gone or 3 to come..
Moral is, be realistic about what’s between the lugs of your average league cricketer.
Easy. Test is easy to pass.
Might be a few tricky questions these days.
Happy days on a Sunday umpiring under 16s cricket to get to first level..
Then a few years of club cricket.
Then you qualify in about 5 years time to umpire proper league cricket. Where you might get free food and a changing room.
Then in another 5 years you can apply for minor county circuit. Northumberland.
Then after 5 years apply to be county umpire.
You need to start doing this when your 16 to stand a chance of getting to county level.
Good luck.. Found umpiring kids and basically midweek beer games boring after 3 years.
Same as a footy ref really.
Long hard slog and having to pass the test every year to keep up with law changes is a pain.
The process is slow.
You will have an official umpire marking you in a kids game about 3 times to progress to even beer adult matches.
Why people have no respect for umpires and football refs is beyond me the time taken and studying in a classroom alone is a time consumer.
But at least you know the laws of the game at end of it.
I do the retest every year even tho i don't umpire anymore.
About 99 quid.last year to keep qualified.
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Harry Gates
Midfield
Aye, all be worked out in the end i guess.
How's it going, you read up all the rules during the winter?
