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Speakmans email of employment

Dear Mr (fill in name of someone yet to turn us down)

Please come and join our club.

I handall all transfers, which will be kids on a free, your coaches will be Dodds, who has a fantastic win rate of 21% and Proctor, who scored more own goals than goals as a striker in his career. You also won't be allowed to bring any of your own staff in, sound good?

Yours sincerely

Mr Speakman


Club is a f***ing laughing stock.
 

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