Holiday nightmares

look out piano said:
I went to Canada to meet some bloke I'd met on a porn forum back in 2009.
We'd only ever chatted on msn messenger and I'd only seen 1 picture.

Flight to Canada was good, got into the airport and I was taken to one side and questioned heavily about my stay, they asked questions about him and I only knew minimal stuff, but I'd remembered he was a painter and photographer (so they rang him and confirmed, he was waiting outside of the airport for me).

They also stamped my passport and put dates I had to leave by etc (I'd explained I was only there for a fortnight and I had a home and job to go back to).

Got outside and saw his white Pontiac Firebird (I'd been told about it / seen a pic), walked towards the car and he got out (had short grey hair and was missing a front tooth from an apparent ice hockey incident, he also looked about 20 years older than the pic I'd seen).

There's me getting into a strange man's car (who'd already lied to me), being taken back to his house and I'm thinking "please god don't let him be a serial killer").

Gets to his house, he shows me to a creepy bedroom and by the time I get out of the bedroom back to the living room he's introducing me to Marty who lived in his basement with his ma :lol: (I shit thee not :confused:).

Transpired Marty was getting catfished by some russian chicken who he'd already sent a grand to for a relatives funeral, I made sure he realised what was going on bless him.

Luckily everyone was cool, we smoked a load of pot and Warren even got the Sunderland games on for me as well as taking me to Niagara falls and Wonderland amusement park.

He also took me to his German parents house for a barbecue, his sister was there too. I said "Ahh you're the older sister?", she replied "is that what he's told you?" I just grimaced and realised he was full of shit.

Oh and the photography he did was pornographic in nature as he showed me all of his portfolios (not at his dad's barbecue obviously :confused::lol:).

In all fairness it was a mint holiday, I thoroughly enjoyed it 😎
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In fairness that sounds a really interesting holiday,everyone should spend a bit of time with a “warren”,just over 20 years ago I spent a day in Toronto with a bloke called bill jamieson known as the headhunter because he had the worlds largest private collection of shrunken human heads.
 


MackneyHackem said:
The Loud Canadian thread got my reminiscing about an absolutely minging holiday I went on the Christmas before last in Mexico.

The flight was delayed for about 4 hours, we got on the plane to find there was no in-flight entertainment.

Flew into Cancun and due to traffic, roadworks and a lack of fuel the journey to the apartment took absolutely ages.

Got there and the apartment complex was in the middle of a building site. We'd been given the wrong code for the lockbox so we were sat outside the gaff waiting for someone to let us in. When they finally came they'd brought the wrong keys.

The kip was half finished. There was no kitchen tap so water just sprayed all over when you turned on the water. There had been a tropical storm so the roof terrace/bbq/hot tub were unusable. It had also knocked the hot water and the power out.

There was non-stop digging and hammering all day long. We both got food poisoning and were shitting and spewing all over. The place was swarming with loud Americans, everything cost a fortune.

I fell asleep in the sun and got sun stroke. We broke up when we got home.

Can anyone beat that?
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The Mcanns?
 
Jon Dough said:
In fairness that sounds a really interesting holiday,everyone should spend a bit of time with a “warren”,just over 20 years ago I spent a day in Toronto with a bloke called bill jamieson known as the headhunter because he had the worlds largest private collection of shrunken human heads.
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I remember you mentioning the shrunken heads guy previously, zoiks!!! :lol:

And in all fairness he was a decent enough guy, just not for me.
I came home, reconnected with an old friend off Facebook and got pregnant almost immediately.......
 
Becs said:
Playa del Ingles, Gran Canaria. My ex said I'd love it as I like Spain. It wasn't Spanish at all. He booked an apartment with a balcony overlooking the Yumbo centre, which was eye opening!

Everyday was stay in bed till dinner time. Go to the English pub over the road for an all day fried breakfast. Lay around the pool. Go out for either a Chinese or the all you can eat buffet. Spend the evening drinking in English or Irish pubs and join in the quiz/bingo/karaoke.

Was bored shitless.
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You could have gone to Scarborough and saved yourself the travel
 
Goat Eyes said:
Nee idea how, they weren’t allowed to leave their hotel for the full few days. 😂

No money back either as Jet2 had fulfilled their obligation.
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There were a load refusing to leave the hotel lobby for whatever reason, others arranging getting buses home through Germany prior to boarders closing and that 🤣 but we still went out and about, hardly anything was open apart from takeaway food but the weather was canny and done some miles in walking.

Aye, Jet2 shafted us too.
 
gasman said:
There were a load refusing to leave the hotel lobby for whatever reason, others arranging getting buses home through Germany prior to boarders closing and that 🤣 but we still went out and about, hardly anything was open apart from takeaway food but the weather was canny and done some miles in walking.

Aye, Jet2 shafted us too.
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Sounds the same. At least it was only a short getaway and not a fortnight in the sun.

They always see the worst in things TBF. I’d have tried to make of it what I could.
 
Went to Amsterdam 93 to watch England v Holland in Rotterdam, hotel had safe which all the lads aside from me put there cash in. I got lost first night (no phones), asked 3 nice looking Turkish blokes who said they’d take me back to hotel, down an alley one pulled out a blade the size of Mick Dundee’s, all my cash disappeared whilst I was looking at the blade very close up. Went to Police station, the Dutch cooper said in broken English after I’d told my tale, ‘I smell shit, English shit’, l left without any further reporting (England fans were rampaging around Amsterdam at the time). Luckily my mate got banged up that night for a week so I sweet talked the receptionist into letting me have his cash out the safe. I got into a chat with some young England fans and told them about the Turkish gents and the blade, they said don’t worry, we stabbed a couple last night 😳
Make matters worse, I was there 4 nights and had only taken England footy, cricket and rugby tops, was an interesting few days!! Only other England away was Ireland in 95, that’s another story 🙄
 
We were canny skint in the late 90's having not that long been married and having to be sensible home owners etc.

Saw an advert for an Italian holiday via Shearings Coaches. All inclusive, nice little coastal resort (San Remo iirc)....seemed like a really good option.

Coach picked us up at park lane, made a couple of other stops and by the time we were on the A1, was only maybe 20 people on and loads of room....class I thought!

Couple of hours later, we went to what I recall being similar to sheep holding pen somewhere in the midlands, where we left the NE coach and were herded onto the one for our trip, along with the similar groups from over the UK.....coach was rammed, and it was another 24 hrs to the destination.

The novelty had well and truly worn off at about 4am, somewhere in France, stuck on that coach, hot, stinking and uncomfortable, sick of my life, everyone else seemed to be akip including the Mrs ($19.99) who'd had a nytol.....It got so bad that I wanted the driver to pull over and let me off, fuck my luggage, fuck the holiday, fuck Italy.....but persevered and once it got light and we stopped for a bit, I rallied and toughed out the remaining 12 hours.

The Holiday itself was ace....small hotel, great food with a load of seafood, and unlimited Moretti (before it was available over here) on tap...oh and also found a little shop that stocked Stone Island (PM if want knocking out) so I was content....but....couldn't really enjoy the last couple of days due to the impending journey home.

That day came, and I decided to join the Mrs on the Nytol and Red wine diet on the coach......got about an hour down the road, supped me wine, took me nytol and waited.....started actually feeling sleepy, and before long was akip......next thing I know, we were stopping...it was light...gerrin I thought, I've slept through the night and we're 12hrs closer to home.......NAH MATE....we're at a f***ing famous Nougat shop about 2 hrs in, wasn't even out of cunting Italy....wanted to strangle the driver and gan proper Michael Douglas in falling down!

The rest of the journey home, was the same as the journey there, and when we were stood at a stop somewhere in Middle England, waiting for the feeder coach to the North East, I made the Mrs promise, that no matter how poor we were, no matter how much we wanted to go somewhere, and no matter how good the price seemed, we would never ever ever ever consider that type of holiday again.

I still shudder when I see a blue Shearings coach to this day.
 
Thewper1 said:
We were canny skint in the late 90's having not that long been married and having to be sensible home owners etc.

Saw an advert for an Italian holiday via Shearings Coaches. All inclusive, nice little coastal resort (San Remo iirc)....seemed like a really good option.

Coach picked us up at park lane, made a couple of other stops and by the time we were on the A1, was only maybe 20 people on and loads of room....class I thought!

Couple of hours later, we went to what I recall being similar to sheep holding pen somewhere in the midlands, where we left the NE coach and were herded onto the one for our trip, along with the similar groups from over the UK.....coach was rammed, and it was another 24 hrs to the destination.

The novelty had well and truly worn off at about 4am, somewhere in France, stuck on that coach, hot, stinking and uncomfortable, sick of my life, everyone else seemed to be akip including the Mrs ($19.99) who'd had a nytol.....It got so bad that I wanted the driver to pull over and let me off, fuck my luggage, fuck the holiday, fuck Italy.....but persevered and once it got light and we stopped for a bit, I rallied and toughed out the remaining 12 hours.

The Holiday itself was ace....small hotel, great food with a load of seafood, and unlimited Moretti (before it was available over here) on tap...oh and also found a little shop that stocked Stone Island (PM if want knocking out) so I was content....but....couldn't really enjoy the last couple of days due to the impending journey home.

That day came, and I decided to join the Mrs on the Nytol and Red wine diet on the coach......got about an hour down the road, supped me wine, took me nytol and waited.....started actually feeling sleepy, and before long was akip......next thing I know, we were stopping...it was light...gerrin I thought, I've slept through the night and we're 12hrs closer to home.......NAH MATE....we're at a f***ing famous Nougat shop about 2 hrs in, wasn't even out of cunting Italy....wanted to strangle the driver and gan proper Michael Douglas in falling down!

The rest of the journey home, was the same as the journey there, and when we were stood at a stop somewhere in Middle England, waiting for the feeder coach to the North East, I made the Mrs promise, that no matter how poor we were, no matter how much we wanted to go somewhere, and no matter how good the price seemed, we would never ever ever ever consider that type of holiday again.

I still shudder when I see a blue Shearings coach to this day.
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Went to malgrat in spain bout a decade ago. Seemed to be the only folk there who’d flew! Insane. Got chatting to a single welsh mother with 3 kids on an 11 day holiday. 7 at the hotel, 4 on the bus!!!!

Wouldnt even imagine the cost difference so big now.

My dad endured your pain. Done Salou from halfords in hartlepool town centre. I slept most of the way. He said he watched every minute on the digital clock n had the dearest sandwich of his life near Paris. 😂
 
SPUFF said:
Went to malgrat in spain bout a decade ago. Seemed to be the only folk there who’d flew! Insane. Got chatting to a single welsh mother with 3 kids on an 11 day holiday. 7 at the hotel, 4 on the bus!!!!

Wouldnt even imagine the cost difference so big now.

My dad endured your pain. Done Salou from halfords in hartlepool town centre. I slept most of the way. He said he watched every minute on the digital clock n had the dearest sandwich of his life near Paris. 😂
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I feel his pain...Was awful, I returned with that thousand yard stare associated with those returning soldiers who had served in Nam!
 

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