Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
If we don't do it Sunday it won't be until the next weekend due to shifts at work. Not sure it can wait that long.
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Depression
- Thread starter Maravilla
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Chubbs
Midfield
Feel for you mate. Hope it goes as well as it can. If you get emotional, don't try and hide it from them. Kids pick up on things anyway. The thought of telling them is probably worse than the reality will be so try not to overthink (easier said than done I am certain of that)
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
Yeah its weird. She is doing a very good job of acting as though nowts wrong in front of the kids but I'm struggling to do that.
The soap powder
Striker
Gutted for you mate and I know you won’t want to hear this now but it does get better I promise just try and keep it as amicable as you can for the kids, I know that sounds really hard and crap but they will appreciate it in time and see what you have done and how good a dad you are. As said before though enjoy Father’s Day don’t tell them this weekend another week won’t hurt if your both working anyway. I was in your position six years ago and it was hard very hard but looking back now I know my daughter knows I did everything I could for her and was always there for her and our relationship now is good. Here for a rant or even a pint anytime fella.
Hey LOP you keep being you that bairn needs you and we all need you. Sorry your going through a bad time but it will get better it always does if you ride it out.
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Chubbs
Midfield
That's her fight. You've just got to get through yours. As your kids get older I'm sure you'll want them to know that it's OK not to be OK. As a parent we set the best examples we can, if you're having a bad day and you hide it, they'll know something is up anyway. Sometimes us dad's need a hug as well, don't be afraid to ask them for one.
Spot on mate , f***ing love a hug from the bairn even though shes 18 she knows when I need a cuddle.
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
To add to the list of shit things happening this year our lasses mam's dog has just dropped down dead in their living room so we have lost her Gran a month ago, our cat in March and then this tonight. Life is shit sometimes.
rey mysterio
Striker
Sorry to hear mate.
I’ve been feeling better since I got the house to myself after the parents went on holiday. Made me realise how much I miss my independence. Got a start date for my job finally so hopefully I’m back in the game in a few weeks.
Hope everyone’s doing okay
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
Hopefully the new job will be the boost you're looking for.
That's class news mate and congratulations
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look out piano
Striker
Thank you so much for the kind supportive words my love, I truly appreciate it
Much love to all my fellow posters and marras, we can do this !!!
So happy for you, a much needed boost my love
CraigyLee
Striker
Ah that’s great that is it a different place that backed out at references?
GTG
Striker
Every situation's different but if there's a positive aspect to all this it could be that you are tackling the breakdown of your relationship, rather than staying together 'for the sake of the kids'! My ex and I dragged things out well beyond their sell-by date and although I thought we were getting away with it, I learned some years later that I was mistaken and that my lads were far more aware than I realised and it has taken its toll on them since then.
Things are probably better for everyone now, though it was always 'easier' for me as the lads stayed with me.
Much love to you my friend, I know it's really hard at the moment but there is light at the end of the tunnel so keep howld.
I've just had my phonecall from Sunderland psychological services who are referring me over for a blended support thing (to address my anxiety, comfort eating, depression and what not.....it was a small step but I just have to wait a while until I get someone to help me).
I feel a bit of relief, I've had to do something as I am dying inside in all fairness.
Have they given you any idea how long it's likely to be before they sort something out? It's great that you've made the first move and they've now got the ball rolling but the waiting's not going to be a big help.
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look out piano
Striker
rey mysterio
Striker
Aye. Seems raising this with the right people actually works
CraigyLee
Striker
Excellent lock that shit away and move on from a graft perspective you did Nout wrong imo
Billericay Dichio
Striker
Well done squire. Onwards and upwards.
Roker SOL
Winger
I'm glad things are better for you too.
I'm waiting for a job offer I know is coming sometime in the next few weeks, as this will be me moving on in a way too. That said, a reasonable adjustments package is being put together for me at my current workplace for my Asperger's.
That said, it's easy for a recovery of confidence to be knocked. For example, I've just been away on holiday in Jordan (Petra, Wadi Rum). This was to draw a line under a lot of crap in my life and my first solo trip after my mum's passing. I'll save the best until last.
I found myself cracking on with a London lass out there and I started to think things just might happen. I'd been up front to her and others about the Aspies and potential marginal AD-HD (she actually approached me to ask about it), which actually got me a lot of praise and ended up with one other talking about his son with the same condition and a different woman telling me before flying home she was also on the scale. Back to the original woman, when I asked her if she felt the same way as I was beginning to feel fond of her, then it was a straight no so I'd built up my hopes a little too much. That was okay, I said fine.
A little context here, in that an older bloke had just lost his wife and she was the spit of her. He didn't intend to but he'd been a bit of nuisance to her and I also found out her lady roommate she'd shared with for eight days had had a few issues over personal space. While I, myself, tried to be kind to the bloke, it was something that could be done in small doses before you needed space.
However, on getting back to Heathrow we were heading the same direction into central London. So, I held back and thought "Great, someone to talk to going into London." I'd dropped any ideas of anything happening, end of, so it was just company on the underground before I got off at South Kensington (planned to wander round Hyde Park before heading back to Heathrow - 6-hour gap before flight to Woolsington). We were chatting, normally, and she seemed okay with me being there for a good 10 minutes.
Then came the underground and she suddenly turned on me. She said, quote, "You can stay there by all means; however, I want you to shut up while I read my book. I've had my fill of certain people on this trip and I've been looking forward to a bit of space with my book". I responded that she should have made it clear earlier and I would have accompanied her. I offered to get off and get the next train. She answered "You're fine, just as long as you sit there quietly and shut up". I felt I was being blamed for issues she'd had with others.
I basically started to feel an Autism Specturm Disorder (Aspie) meltdown come on, so got off at Hatton Cross to get the next train anyway. I note I have what you call mini-freezes rather than full on meltdowns, the latter full-on meltdown type I guess I’ve had only 2 in the last five or six years. I’m normally very good in the real world at holding my temper.
I got to Hyde Park and she messaged me back to apologise for her behaviour (the people we both ended up with had decided to form a Whatsapp group for the length of the trip and she had obtained my number from that). Again, given the way she’d been with me then it wasn’t much of an apology. Even so, the logic here would be to accept the apology and move on, knowing I'd never encounter her again - my brain was telling, crying out, for me to do that.
However, full on meltdown and the irrational part of my brain had already kicked in after I got off at Hatton Cross. I basically told her in response that I didn't deserve to be treat the way I was considering I'd been nothing to nice with her (minded that I had kept her company when her roommate had had one of her fallings out with her a few days before). I told her to stick her apology and blocked her. Note this was a rant rather than a coherent action with meltdown kicking in.
The middle of one of these meltdowns is a strange place, your brain is saying don't do something stupid, but you do anyway. For the next few hours, I wasn't with it at all. I felt scared and alone. I can see how people end up self-harming during one of these episodes. Note I never lash out, bottling it up inside, so there was no risk to anyone nearby.
I only came back down to Earth at Heathrow when I made myself sit down for a beer. I had a natter with a random Indian businessman about my holiday and he settled me down without realising. Then there was a two-hour delay to fly back to Woolsington.
I've told others about what has happened and general opinion is the lady handled it badly and I've had a lucky escape. One person played devil's advocate and said I can see she needed her space, which I can see. However, consensus even with the devil's advocate player was she was in the wrong. Either she should have told me she needed her space straight away on me seeing her (rather than wait until reaching the underground train) or for her herself to have got off at Hatton Cross and made an excuse such as she was getting a bus or taxi from there. In the latter case, I'd have been none the wiser and would have travelled on oblivious. Problems avoided.
I've felt crap all week to be honest, with her hitting two trigger points for the meltdown. Firstly, she took it out on me for issues she'd had with others (i.e. on some way made me feel to blame). Secondly, she told / ordered me what to do in a way a teacher speaks to a kid at school. I felt my progress from my mental lows of the beginning of the year had been pushed back by a good six weeks to a couple of months.
Wednesday, I messaged back an apology for my behaviour during meltdown (even though I didn't trigger events), but only so I could move on from what has happened and for the good of relations with the rest of the group (i.e. be the bigger man). She messaged back a brief apology at best. From that point on, that's been the end of direct contact and that's the way it's now staying. She's not the person I though she was on the trip.
Now for the punchline in all this. She's a Mental Health Therapist.
She would have known exactly what Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asperger's is. Also, she has a mother who is bipolar.
I'm slowly pulling out of feeling rubbish about the whole thing after going through a stage in the last few days of feeling is this the way things are going to be from now on. I'm not feeling that now, having processed the situation and am coming to terms that other events beyond my control have led to the situation described.
I get her side of things, but feel I didn't deserve to be her punching bag. You live and learn, I guess.
Right, getting that off my chest has made me feel a lot better.
Five-Quarter
Midfield
Not sure if this is appropriate to wonder
When you say 'mental health therapist'
Do you think she was a mental health practitioner (qualified and registered nurse or social worker)
Or a therapist like a counsellor or some other private type?
I wondered if there's a difference in qualification, experience, background etc
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
These meltdowns you're describing sound very much like what I do. I've always had them but since things have went wrong in my relationship I seem to be having one every other day. I know before I say something that I am going to regret saying it but I'm unable to stop myself. I could be completely misunderstanding what you mean by meltdown though.
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