Depression

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Summer Bee said:
Yeah, I've done a few things like that but it always seems that something unexpected crops up that knocks me further back. It's just one of those things. I'm juggling depression, anxiety and a few other bits at the minute which is probably why I'm finding it so hard. I've had more severe depression before than what I have now and pulled myself back from it, just never had to manage it with other things on top. Ill be fine though, think I just needed to write how I'm feeling as a form of catharsis
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Keep writing. It really does help.

Sometimes I've written a post, read it in preview, then closed the window and not actually posted it. Just getting it out and seeing it in black and white can help.

janiep said:
Nice to see you back. Glad you're in better health xx
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Thanks pet xx
 


rudd said:
This was me at my worst. www.tryingtobreaktheloop.wordpress.com

The one thing I've learnt and that I'd advise anyone is to keep talking and reach out, no matter how you feel, people care about you.


It can be a very useful tool and sometimes just hearing someone else "stating the obvious" can be enough to make a change in your behaviours and thoughts. (CBT is more that that though). Hope it went well.
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Thank you for sharing that, I hope you're doing better now
 
rudd said:
This was me at my worst. www.tryingtobreaktheloop.wordpress.com

The one thing I've learnt and that I'd advise anyone is to keep talking and reach out, no matter how you feel, people care about you.


It can be a very useful tool and sometimes just hearing someone else "stating the obvious" can be enough to make a change in your behaviours and thoughts. (CBT is more that that though). Hope it went well.
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That is a really powerful piece of work and thanks for sharing.

I wrote something similar of my experience of Mental illness for my workplace and the response I got back was incredible. The number of colleagues who had went through similar experiences was scary.
 
Ginger John said:
It'll put your mind at rest one way or the other when you get the results of the tests. Try not to worry about them too much in the mean time xx



Sorry to hear that. It's tough when you are struggling like that. Have you done a financial workout? Have a look on money saving expert as they have some good articles on budgeting that might help you get things in order. Nobody should have to go without food.



Can you drop the dwarf porn thing marra? It's getting tiresome. Ta xx
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ok pal.
 
Keawyeds said:
No it literally took me 4 hours to get to work. I set off at 7:16 and got in at about 11:15 :lol:
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And there's me thinking you were staring out the window at your car, trying to convince yourself to get into it :lol:
Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

I know what you mean about work. 40 years old here, and if someone asked me "what job would you like to do", I've honestly got no idea what my answer would be, other than, "not this".
Pretty shitty tbh.

Ginger John said:
Keep writing. It really does help.
Sometimes I've written a post, read it in preview, then closed the window and not actually posted it. Just getting it out and seeing it in black and white can help.
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I knew I recognized the avatar, but didn't realize it was you.

As for your point, yep, half the reason for me posting on this thread is just to go through the actual motion of properly thinking about things. Putting it down and hitting "reply" means I've had to decide what I really think, rather than those voices in your head that can say 3 different things at the same time, even though you know 2 of them are wrong.
 
Giggity said:
And there's me thinking you were staring out the window at your car, trying to convince yourself to get into it :lol:
Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

I know what you mean about work. 40 years old here, and if someone asked me "what job would you like to do", I've honestly got no idea what my answer would be, other than, "not this".
Pretty shitty tbh.
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There's lots of things I'd like to do, but with a lot of them you can't pick them up put them down as it were. I'd happily work in a bar that I like, but I can't just sack that off at 5pm and go home!
 
rudd said:
This was me at my worst. www.tryingtobreaktheloop.wordpress.com

The one thing I've learnt and that I'd advise anyone is to keep talking and reach out, no matter how you feel, people care about you.
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Sorry I liked and ran this morning as I had to go to work. I've sat down with a cuppa and read it properly now. That's a really good read and very moving. Recognised my past self in bits of it, so I hope it helps others find the strength to continue and fight this. Thanks for sharing it and hope you continue to get well mate xx
 
I don't know where to begin on this one today. In fact I've attempted to write this post for the past 3 hours. The last 2 weeks have been soul crushing for me, I think my marriage is coming to an end (and I am struggling with that), but it's not the cause of my depression at the moment.

I've had thoughts of suicide for years right now, silly things for the most part about ways to off myself but with the exception of one close call I've never really thought about it in any great depth. More recently though things have taken a darker turn and instead of just daydreaming about ways to end things I've started to realize (or at least the thoughts have crept in) that I don't want to be here anymore...

I wake up and never really want to get out of bed, but once I am ready I high tail it out of the house as quickly as I can. I order my coffee on the phone and grab a bagel at the place they seemingly only speak Spanish (so I don't have to get into a conversation), I try to duck in to my office before anyone sees me so i don't have to interact with people (even going so far as to park in the lot next door so people don't know I am in). From that point on I go into work mode and can normally fake it long enough to get through my phone work. Once that's done (normally mid to late morning) I am at a loss for things to do. If I have appointments I go out to those, but otherwise I sit in my office doing busy work so that I don't have to leave and be around people. I've found myself at times sitting in the office until 8/9pm some nights because I just don't want to see anyone (even the wife). Once I am home in the evening I tend to hide in the basement until bed time then slope off to bed.

I know at the moment I am just existing, and I am trying to get to the route of the problem, even going as far as to look into some sort of counselor to speak with... Things just seem bleak right now, even if on the outside everything looks rosy....
 
njmackem said:
I don't know where to begin on this one today. In fact I've attempted to write this post for the past 3 hours. The last 2 weeks have been soul crushing for me, I think my marriage is coming to an end (and I am struggling with that), but it's not the cause of my depression at the moment.

I've had thoughts of suicide for years right now, silly things for the most part about ways to off myself but with the exception of one close call I've never really thought about it in any great depth. More recently though things have taken a darker turn and instead of just daydreaming about ways to end things I've started to realize (or at least the thoughts have crept in) that I don't want to be here anymore...

I wake up and never really want to get out of bed, but once I am ready I high tail it out of the house as quickly as I can. I order my coffee on the phone and grab a bagel at the place they seemingly only speak Spanish (so I don't have to get into a conversation), I try to duck in to my office before anyone sees me so i don't have to interact with people (even going so far as to park in the lot next door so people don't know I am in). From that point on I go into work mode and can normally fake it long enough to get through my phone work. Once that's done (normally mid to late morning) I am at a loss for things to do. If I have appointments I go out to those, but otherwise I sit in my office doing busy work so that I don't have to leave and be around people. I've found myself at times sitting in the office until 8/9pm some nights because I just don't want to see anyone (even the wife). Once I am home in the evening I tend to hide in the basement until bed time then slope off to bed.

I know at the moment I am just existing, and I am trying to get to the route of the problem, even going as far as to look into some sort of counselor to speak with... Things just seem bleak right now, even if on the outside everything looks rosy....
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That's shocked me reading that. I thought things were ok from your Facebook posts marra. Just shows how easy it is to hide the symptoms of this stupid disease. I'm around on here or messenger this evening (or afternoon to you!) if you fancy a natter.

I can still remember chatting to you at Hazey's do and you're a dead canny lad :cool:
 
njmackem said:
I don't know where to begin on this one today. In fact I've attempted to write this post for the past 3 hours. The last 2 weeks have been soul crushing for me, I think my marriage is coming to an end (and I am struggling with that), but it's not the cause of my depression at the moment.

I've had thoughts of suicide for years right now, silly things for the most part about ways to off myself but with the exception of one close call I've never really thought about it in any great depth. More recently though things have taken a darker turn and instead of just daydreaming about ways to end things I've started to realize (or at least the thoughts have crept in) that I don't want to be here anymore...

I wake up and never really want to get out of bed, but once I am ready I high tail it out of the house as quickly as I can. I order my coffee on the phone and grab a bagel at the place they seemingly only speak Spanish (so I don't have to get into a conversation), I try to duck in to my office before anyone sees me so i don't have to interact with people (even going so far as to park in the lot next door so people don't know I am in). From that point on I go into work mode and can normally fake it long enough to get through my phone work. Once that's done (normally mid to late morning) I am at a loss for things to do. If I have appointments I go out to those, but otherwise I sit in my office doing busy work so that I don't have to leave and be around people. I've found myself at times sitting in the office until 8/9pm some nights because I just don't want to see anyone (even the wife). Once I am home in the evening I tend to hide in the basement until bed time then slope off to bed.

I know at the moment I am just existing, and I am trying to get to the route of the problem, even going as far as to look into some sort of counselor to speak with... Things just seem bleak right now, even if on the outside everything looks rosy....
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It's hard mate, it is but you're still here, you're existing and you're looking to make things better, keep doing that, keep going. Find an outlet, whether it's writing stuff online, speaking with someone you know or a stranger online (I'm usually lurking around, even if I don't post much) until you're comfortable speaking to those that know you.

You've made the first step writing this post, keep going, keep speaking. It's hard, life and depression can be shit but the world is an amazing place and I guarantee it's a better place with you in it.

janiep said:
I’ve read that, thank you so much for sharing your story. How lucky are we that such an amazing, thoughtful, talented guy is making it through and is with us xx
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Thank you. The one thing I do regret is not getting the person's name who was at the service station. I've tried all over Facebook to no avail. It's amazing to see the kindness and empathy complete strangers can give.

Summer Bee said:
Thank you for sharing that, I hope you're doing better now
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Still have low periods from time to time but don't we all? Just gotta keep fighting.

MURPHY1973 said:
That is a really powerful piece of work and thanks for sharing.

I wrote something similar of my experience of Mental illness for my workplace and the response I got back was incredible. The number of colleagues who had went through similar experiences was scary.
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It's hard to talk sometimes but I think the more people share the easier it will be for others to do the same and get help. Hope you're doing better now?

Ginger John said:
Sorry I liked and ran this morning as I had to go to work. I've sat down with a cuppa and read it properly now. That's a really good read and very moving. Recognised my past self in bits of it, so I hope it helps others find the strength to continue and fight this. Thanks for sharing it and hope you continue to get well mate xx
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Thanks, you too.
 
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chopsfc007 said:
Weird how you can have days of feeling down for no apparent reason
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Just been having a chat wit the Mrs about this. Life is so hectic I dont really tell her stuff but yeah I have more of those days now. It started when she said shes organising a meal with friends and I said I wasnt keen...means being nice to people and chatting shite when often im not in the mood.

Something needs to change I reckon...sick of the dull routine and diet is shit too.
 
Jonny5 said:
Yeah serataline. Been on for the duration just feel exhausted.
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Im on that I'm getting awful headaches and pins n needles and always shattered, doesn't matter if I sleep 3hrs or 7 by lunchtime I struggle to keep my eyes open

Roker Mackem said:
Just been having a chat wit the Mrs about this. Life is so hectic I dont really tell her stuff but yeah I have more of those days now. It started when she said shes organising a meal with friends and I said I wasnt keen...means being nice to people and chatting shite when often im not in the mood.

Something needs to change I reckon...sick of the dull routine and diet is shit too.
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My parents have just gone away I'm out for meal tomorrow with other family members I really cba to go back for drinks after, its weird I'm going to ppub buy myself to watch the game more looking forward to that.
 
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chopsfc007 said:
Im on that I'm getting awful headaches and pins n needles and always shattered, doesn't matter if I sleep 3hrs or 7 by lunchtime I struggle to keep my eyes open


My parents have just gone away I'm out for meal tomorrow with other family members I really cba to go back for drinks after, its weird I'm going to ppub buy myself to watch the game more looking forward to that.
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Know the feeling. First works Christmas do I can remember where I didnt enjoy it one bit. Pointless going really.
 
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