Depression

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I'm wide awake now when I should be trying to kip but I'm shattered during the day which just make a me feel worse. I've got an appointment next Thursday so I'll discuss it then I suppose.
 


She's a beauty, wish I could help in some way but I haven't got a clue at the ripe old age of 71, what a lot of you are suffering from. I know this " black dog" is a genuine reality and would love to help. I remember a bloke in my local who was life and soul of the party, constant joker,...and he suddenly hung himself. Never ever got my head round that. Keep talking .
 
njmackem said:
I don't know where to begin on this one today. In fact I've attempted to write this post for the past 3 hours. The last 2 weeks have been soul crushing for me, I think my marriage is coming to an end (and I am struggling with that), but it's not the cause of my depression at the moment.

I've had thoughts of suicide for years right now, silly things for the most part about ways to off myself but with the exception of one close call I've never really thought about it in any great depth. More recently though things have taken a darker turn and instead of just daydreaming about ways to end things I've started to realize (or at least the thoughts have crept in) that I don't want to be here anymore...

I wake up and never really want to get out of bed, but once I am ready I high tail it out of the house as quickly as I can. I order my coffee on the phone and grab a bagel at the place they seemingly only speak Spanish (so I don't have to get into a conversation), I try to duck in to my office before anyone sees me so i don't have to interact with people (even going so far as to park in the lot next door so people don't know I am in). From that point on I go into work mode and can normally fake it long enough to get through my phone work. Once that's done (normally mid to late morning) I am at a loss for things to do. If I have appointments I go out to those, but otherwise I sit in my office doing busy work so that I don't have to leave and be around people. I've found myself at times sitting in the office until 8/9pm some nights because I just don't want to see anyone (even the wife). Once I am home in the evening I tend to hide in the basement until bed time then slope off to bed.

I know at the moment I am just existing, and I am trying to get to the route of the problem, even going as far as to look into some sort of counselor to speak with... Things just seem bleak right now, even if on the outside everything looks rosy....
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Youre describing a quite strong depression there mate. First thing make sure your doc knows all this you may need a quite strong pharmaceutical intervention.to put a dint in it at first. If you have been taking meds without much effect and have tried a few you may need psychiatrist input to find the right one, mix or dosage.
Second thing get someone professional to sit and talk with you about the suicidal thought. You need a good safety plan around this to ensure risk is managed until you pick up a bit
Third get some talking therapy to help you work out what changes you need to make either practically in terms of life circumstances, life style (just the choices you make about how you look after yourself to be happier) and underlying views you have about how shit works or should work. You're thinking with depressed thoughts at present so all you can come up with is depressed answers, get this treated and you will start to find very different solutions to the dark ones that feel logical now. Honest mate I see the change happening every day, it's hard work but life is we all share that fact.

Keep talking on here but at present it sounds like a bit of pro support wouldn't go amiss.
 
So update.

I went out for a drive to clear my head and try to get rid of this lingering shite cloud that has been around for a few weeks. While I was out I stopped at a barber and had a shave and a haircut which certainly lifted my mood. I then spent a couple of hours freezing my tits off trying to work thing through in my head (its worked before) see what I can figure out. The good news is the thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore seem to have passed and I haven't had a suicidal thought now since the day I wrote my earlier post.

I decided to look for someone to speak to and see if we can get to the route of my depression and ways of combating the symptoms. I have an appointment with someone on Wednesday and while I am hoping to stay away from medication I am finally open to it as a stop-gap while I seek treatment for the underlying symptoms.

Thanks to everyone who commented and messaged me privately... its good to have someone there...
 
I was watching a video on youtube of Jordan Peterson giving a Psychology lecture and he said this, which I found quite eye-opening..

Say you get depressed, so you start drinking. Because you're drinking, you start to isolate yourself. Because you isolate yourself, your friends start to disappear. Once your friends start to go, you get even more depressed... and the circle repeats itself until you're at rock bottom, depressed, drinking, isolated, and with nobody there to give a fuck.

We're our own worst enemy when it comes to depression. It's important to recognise the cycle you're in and not let it drag you to rock bottom.
 
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Skandhaless said:
Youre describing a quite strong depression there mate. First thing make sure your doc knows all this you may need a quite strong pharmaceutical intervention.to put a dint in it at first. If you have been taking meds without much effect and have tried a few you may need psychiatrist input to find the right one, mix or dosage.
Second thing get someone professional to sit and talk with you about the suicidal thought. You need a good safety plan around this to ensure risk is managed until you pick up a bit
Third get some talking therapy to help you work out what changes you need to make either practically in terms of life circumstances, life style (just the choices you make about how you look after yourself to be happier) and underlying views you have about how shit works or should work. You're thinking with depressed thoughts at present so all you can come up with is depressed answers, get this treated and you will start to find very different solutions to the dark ones that feel logical now. Honest mate I see the change happening every day, it's hard work but life is we all share that fact.

Keep talking on here but at present it sounds like a bit of pro support wouldn't go amiss.
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Anyone noticed lack of forums and advice on meds and post meds etc- somebody should set one up with a helpline- half the problem with depression etc is thinking you are unique and beyond help
 
Richy Fingers said:
I was watching a video on youtube of Jordan Peterson giving a Psychology lecture and he said this, which I found quite eye-opening..

Say you get depressed, so you start drinking. Because you're drinking, you start to isolate yourself. Because you isolate yourself, your friends start to disappear. Once your friends start to go, you get even more depressed... and the circle repeats itself until you're at rock bottom, depressed, drinking, isolated, and with nobody there to give a fuck.

We're our own worst enemy when it comes to depression. It's important to recognise the cycle you're in and not let it drag you to rock bottom.
Click to expand...
I used to have loads of friends, but over the years I let them drift away because friendships take time and effort and a lot of the time I couldn't be arsed. I have a bairn, I work, I get tired and to be brutally honest I like my own company too much.
On a weekend I just stay home (when the bairn goes to his dads), I cant afford a social life as such but I get really bored and feel like its Groundhog day over and over. I sometimes think it would be nice to have a pal to go out walking with, maybe have a chat over coffee but I don't so I just stay home and worry about shit.
I did something creative this weekend, made a wonderful collage picture that is now hanging on my bedroom wall, got a real buzz out of it. I picked up my jewellery making stuff, threaded beads onto wire but I put it away as I had no idea what the end result should look like / be.
I hit rock bottom years ago btw, I'm pretty much still there though.
 
look out piano said:
I used to have loads of friends, but over the years I let them drift away because friendships take time and effort and a lot of the time I couldn't be arsed. I have a bairn, I work, I get tired and to be brutally honest I like my own company too much.
On a weekend I just stay home (when the bairn goes to his dads), I cant afford a social life as such but I get really bored and feel like its Groundhog day over and over. I sometimes think it would be nice to have a pal to go out walking with, maybe have a chat over coffee but I don't so I just stay home and worry about shit.
I did something creative this weekend, made a wonderful collage picture that is now hanging on my bedroom wall, got a real buzz out of it. I picked up my jewellery making stuff, threaded beads onto wire but I put it away as I had no idea what the end result should look like / be.
I hit rock bottom years ago btw, I'm pretty much still there though.
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You should meet up with some of the people on here man. You're a nice person, I'm sure many would like to get to know you better.

Never knar, you might find love. I hear @niceonemarra's single. :p:lol:
 
look out piano said:
I'm not looking for romance fella, just a bit of friendship / companionship ffs :lol:.
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:lol:

I've just escaped 3 years of depression (Yay!) and I realise now that I was my own worst enemy. To say I isolated myself would be an understatement, I literally didn't answer the door or switch my phone on for 2 years. Other people were the last thing I wanted in my life, even family. The longer it went on the harder it got to reach out to anybody. About a year ago I started turning my phone on and answering the odd text, and I think that was the turning point for me. Over the past year I've slowly become more sociable and now it feels like the depression has totally lifted.

I just wish I'd recognised the patterns sooner.
 
look out piano said:
I used to have loads of friends, but over the years I let them drift away because friendships take time and effort and a lot of the time I couldn't be arsed. I have a bairn, I work, I get tired and to be brutally honest I like my own company too much.
On a weekend I just stay home (when the bairn goes to his dads), I cant afford a social life as such but I get really bored and feel like its Groundhog day over and over. I sometimes think it would be nice to have a pal to go out walking with, maybe have a chat over coffee but I don't so I just stay home and worry about shit.
I did something creative this weekend, made a wonderful collage picture that is now hanging on my bedroom wall, got a real buzz out of it. I picked up my jewellery making stuff, threaded beads onto wire but I put it away as I had no idea what the end result should look like / be.
I hit rock bottom years ago btw, I'm pretty much still there though.
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Get yourself down a good women's group.. Aspire in Chester le st is very good used to be the bridge project.
 
look out piano said:
Bit far for me, but thanks anyhoo (can do Washington, Gateshead and Newcastle only due to the area my bus pass covers xx).
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Looks like bridge is still going in washy. The Bridge Project - Wellbeing Info
Stir your stumps lass.

njmackem said:
So update.

I went out for a drive to clear my head and try to get rid of this lingering shite cloud that has been around for a few weeks. While I was out I stopped at a barber and had a shave and a haircut which certainly lifted my mood. I then spent a couple of hours freezing my tits off trying to work thing through in my head (its worked before) see what I can figure out. The good news is the thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore seem to have passed and I haven't had a suicidal thought now since the day I wrote my earlier post.

I decided to look for someone to speak to and see if we can get to the route of my depression and ways of combating the symptoms. I have an appointment with someone on Wednesday and while I am hoping to stay away from medication I am finally open to it as a stop-gap while I seek treatment for the underlying symptoms.

Thanks to everyone who commented and messaged me privately... its good to have someone there...
Click to expand...
Smashing stuff mate, you're on it now.
Will be up and down but the ups will get more prolonged and the downs less deep. All the best
 
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Richy Fingers said:
I was watching a video on youtube of Jordan Peterson giving a Psychology lecture and he said this, which I found quite eye-opening..

Say you get depressed, so you start drinking. Because you're drinking, you start to isolate yourself. Because you isolate yourself, your friends start to disappear. Once your friends start to go, you get even more depressed... and the circle repeats itself until you're at rock bottom, depressed, drinking, isolated, and with nobody there to give a fuck.

We're our own worst enemy when it comes to depression. It's important to recognise the cycle you're in and not let it drag you to rock bottom.
Click to expand...

This for me but replace junk food like crisps and biscuits instead of drink. When I was poorly before, some Mam's from school invited me to a house party - just drinking wine in one of their houses and yakking. I suddenly got a big anxiety attack leading up to it (I have no idea why!) and ended up not going. They didn't understand, were pissed off with me and I never got invited again :oops:

I've joined a local gym and enjoy that. It's a small independant one, so it's more like a family atmosphere where people look out for each other than just being another customer at somewhere like Bannatynes.

It's a combination of the exercise which releases endorphins and the socialising that has helped me. I really like the people who go there and enjoy having a natter before and after class and the trainer is dead canny and makes me laugh. Punching the shit out of pads in boxercise helps as well :lol:
 
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