• The forums will be unavailable for a few hours on Saturday 6th June, when they do return they will initially be in a degraded state with some features missing, but normal posting/reading will be possible. The main website will not be affected by these updates.
    New user registrations are currently disabled.
    Some other features of the forum are also currently disabled.

Depression thread continued...

Baloo said:
I’m assuming you mean Silvercloud? If so, I think there’s still only a handful of NHS trusts signed up to it and they’re all down South.
Click to expand...

You can get it through Talking Changes. I felt it's more for milder cases though as it's all online with limited support through messages. I didn't find it that helpful to be honest. It felt more like a college course about mental health rather than actually addressing my personal issues.
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Thank you Becs for this post you're a real diamond in this thread. I know I'm my own worst enemy for not seeing my G.P or trying to get involved in one of these groups. I've got a good mate also recommending me lots of options for help but I just can't find the courage to be proactive in helping myself. Having being shy since I was a kid is really biting me in the arse now.
Click to expand...

Take this as a gentle nag then 😝

Pleased you have your friend looking out for you. Would they go with you if you made a GP appointment or to a group?

I know the Beacon can be intimidating to walk into for groups as there's sometimes lots of stuff going on with other groups and people coming and going. It was mentioned in training that if you contact the group leader in advance, someone will come and meet you outside and take you in which is helpful if you can't face going into the building yourself.

If you want to do some role play, I'm happy to help. I did that with someone else who needed to tell someone something but didn't have the guts. We practised it over and over until he felt confident to tell the other person.

What you doing this weekend? Try and find a bit time to do something just for you. Something you find really pleasurable. Savour that moment and enjoy it, and think about how good it makes you feel. That can give you a lift. Doesn't even have to be anything complicated. Even just sitting in the garden with a cup of coffee or something small like that. Take care xx
 
Last edited:

Baloo said:
I’m assuming you mean Silvercloud? If so, I think there’s still only a handful of NHS trusts signed up to it and they’re all down South.
Click to expand...
Ahhh. That must be what I was on about 🤦🏻‍♀️ That is such a shame as it seems to be a really effective option.
Becs said:
You can get it through Talking Changes. I felt it's more for milder cases though as it's all online with limited support through messages. I didn't find it that helpful to be honest. It felt more like a college course about mental health rather than actually addressing my personal issues.


Take this as a gentle nag then 😝

Pleased you have your friend looking out for you. Would they go with you if you made a GP appointment or to a group?

I know the Beacon can be intimidating to walk into for groups as there's sometimes lots of stuff going on with other groups and people coming and going. It was mentioned in training that if you contact the group leader in advance, someone will come and meet you outside and take you in which is helpful if you can't face going into the building yourself.

If you want to do some role play, I'm happy to help. I did that with someone else who needed to tell someone something but didn't have the guts. We practised it over and over until he felt confident to tell the other person.

What you doing this weekend? Try and find a bit time to do something just for you. Something you find really pleasurable. Savour that moment and enjoy it, and think about how good it makes you feel. That can give you a lift. Doesn't even have to be anything complicated. Even just sitting in the garden with a cup of coffee or something small like that. Take care xx
Click to expand...

I see what you mean about it being for milder cases but in my experience it was brilliant as a mild first step to prepare you and strengthen you to be able to address more profound issues.


If you are housebound with MH issues that isn't really a mild case but Silvercloud enables you to get out of the downward spiral in the pit of despair and get you functioning again.


Like all things I guess different strokes for different folks. Most normal forms of therapy are not great for me and I really don't like doing them and sabotage them a bit 🙈

The formatting of Silvercloud not being about talking about your childhood or recent trauma but rather about building your functioning was much better for me. So really I'd say it isn't for milder cases at all but the more crippling ones which need a step up to even be able to consider going through 121 therapy.
 
Last edited:
Becs said:
You can get it through Talking Changes. I felt it's more for milder cases though as it's all online with limited support through messages. I didn't find it that helpful to be honest. It felt more like a college course about mental health rather than actually addressing my personal issues.


Take this as a gentle nag then 😝

Pleased you have your friend looking out for you. Would they go with you if you made a GP appointment or to a group?

I know the Beacon can be intimidating to walk into for groups as there's sometimes lots of stuff going on with other groups and people coming and going. It was mentioned in training that if you contact the group leader in advance, someone will come and meet you outside and take you in which is helpful if you can't face going into the building yourself.

If you want to do some role play, I'm happy to help. I did that with someone else who needed to tell someone something but didn't have the guts. We practised it over and over until he felt confident to tell the other person.

What you doing this weekend? Try and find a bit time to do something just for you. Something you find really pleasurable. Savour that moment and enjoy it, and think about how good it makes you feel. That can give you a lift. Doesn't even have to be anything complicated. Even just sitting in the garden with a cup of coffee or something small like that. Take care xx
Click to expand...
I think he would probably come to a group. He's been having therapy to manage his stress which is mainly related to his job and he says it has done wonders for him.

My daughter has a dance comp and my lass is going out on Saturday so it will be just me and my son. Hoping for good weather so he can play in the garden and I can give the garden I tidy up. I might try to get a few hours out myself on Sunday maybe go for some food. I did it a couple of weeks ago and realised I quite like just sitting having a meal on my own without having to make conversation or make sure the kids are behaving etc.
 
Becs said:
You can get it through Talking Changes. I felt it's more for milder cases though as it's all online with limited support through messages. I didn't find it that helpful to be honest. It felt more like a college course about mental health rather than actually addressing my personal
Click to expand...
Yeah, it’s something that was looked at for our EAP scheme. So would have been primarily aimed at everyone using it to just improve mental wellbeing rather than mental health treatment.
 
I am a reindeer said:
@CatRyan

Maybe you missed this.
Click to expand...
Don't derail the thread.
Baloo said:
Yeah, it’s something that was looked at for our EAP scheme. So would have been primarily aimed at everyone using it to just improve mental wellbeing rather than mental health treatment.
Click to expand...
It is a really good stepping stone to get you out of an horrendous pit of depression and ready to move on to more focused therapy. Well it was gor me anyway.
 
Last edited:
CPLforever said:
If I was you I would keep her at a distance. You know how you felt when she blanked you last time.
Click to expand...
I've decided to do nothing. Basically, if it's contained to each of their social circles at worst then it should fizzle out. People move on to the next story eventually. Reacting could make things worse.

The only problem is a personal friend who helps me occasionally lives nearby to her friend. If they mouth off to her then that is a potential problem. I'll play by ear and be ready to have an awkward conversation.

My own mental health isn't worth it, especially when things are going well.
 
Last edited:
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
I think he would probably come to a group. He's been having therapy to manage his stress which is mainly related to his job and he says it has done wonders for him.

My daughter has a dance comp and my lass is going out on Saturday so it will be just me and my son. Hoping for good weather so he can play in the garden and I can give the garden I tidy up. I might try to get a few hours out myself on Sunday maybe go for some food. I did it a couple of weeks ago and realised I quite like just sitting having a meal on my own without having to make conversation or make sure the kids are behaving etc.
Click to expand...

Sounds like a good mate to have.

Funny you should mention gardening! I was poorly back end of last year and didn't get the autumn gardening tidying jobs done. Got out last weekend and managed to weed and tidy almost all of the border down one side of the garden, so I was pleased with myself for that. That also works when I'm washing up as I look out and admire the bit that I've done, which will spur me on to possibly do more this weekend (got other stuff going on).
Baloo said:
Yeah, it’s something that was looked at for our EAP scheme. So would have been primarily aimed at everyone using it to just improve mental wellbeing rather than mental health treatment.
Click to expand...

It would be brilliant for that. It is a more look after yourself kind of thing and helps you focus on things in the present rather than deal with past traumas. Might also open up conversations.

Some people go home and think "I've had a shit day at work!" and end up doing harming behaviours (like drinking alcohol or eating junk food, not self harming). I do think if they could say to someone at work "eeeh this project is doing my head in!" and the other person agrees and they have a right rant about it, they'd go home in a better frame of mind!
 
Last edited:
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Thank you Becs for this post you're a real diamond in this thread. I know I'm my own worst enemy for not seeing my G.P or trying to get involved in one of these groups. I've got a good mate also recommending me lots of options for help but I just can't find the courage to be proactive in helping myself. Having being shy since I was a kid is really biting me in the arse now.
Click to expand...
I've been using Talking Therapies in the Durham area. It's the best thing I did.

I hear you about the shyness, something I've stopped being with increasing self-confidence.

Odd periods of depression have seen me go backwards, but knowing I have ASD has been a revelation and a relief. The counselling has been about me learning to live with it.
 
Last edited:
Becs said:
This week's counselling was hard. Came away with two tales.

Firstly my Mam injured her wrist and is wearing one of those rigid supports that you can take off. She's supposed to wear it all the time apart from when showering. She went on holiday yesterday and was joking at the weekend that she's going to remove it when she's sunbathing or she'll end up with different coloured arms!

That triggered off memories of an incident in my past. I can't remember what I was in trouble for, but he was raging and yelling at me. That time he didn't hit me and tried to punch a hole in the wall. Unfortunately he didn't know that a previous owner had boarded up an internal door. Instead of his fist going through plasterboard as he expected, his fist hit hard wood and he fractured his hand. That was shortly before going on holiday abroad. We had a shit time as he was in a foul mood as he couldn't go in the pool and stuff like that. This was all my fault and I got blamed for ruining the holiday.

Weird how something minor like my Mam's injury can make that memory surface again. That's the trouble with triggers. You never know when they are going to strike.

Second tale: we did some reliving past stuff that happened to me. I always thought I was weak. However things we talked about included:

Wasn't allowed to breastfeed, but ignored him and breastfed her anyway partly because I believe it's best and partly because I loved the bond when I was doing it. I was called selfish and accused of alienating him from the baby, even though I said he could do any of the other baby stuff, just not feeding.

Daughter used to love playing hairdressers. I had to pretend I was going to a party or a wedding or something and she'd faff on brushing my hair and putting clips in it and stuff, while chatting about the party/wedding/etc. He didn't like that. He bought one of those toy styling heads but she refused to play with it as she liked the human connection with me, just as much as playing hairdressers. I didn't encourage her to play with the toy and let her continue playing hairdressers with me. He didn't like that.

I take the bairns out loads on various excursions. He was always welcome to come but he never wanted to. He didn't want us going out either. I'd plan something and there would be a minor incident and one child would get grounded so we all had to stay in. That's a lose lose situation as I'd either get into trouble for taking them out anyway, or I'd get into trouble as they'd be climbing the walls and acting themselves due to being cooped up in the house all day. One incident was we'd planned to go to the Farne Islands for the day. I'd already bought picnic food and booked boat tickets. The evening before, one son knocked a glass of juice over by accident, so he was grounded the next day and we couldn't go to the Farnes. I went anyway and I took the flack for that.

Son used to play football and I went to all the matches and built friendships with the other lads and their parents. The team did well and managed to win the league and get promoted. There was a presentation ceremony where they all got medals and a trophy. A couple of nights before, son was caught playing on his phone under the duvet when he should have been asleep. He was grounded and banned from attending the presentation. I took him anyway as I thought that was unfair on him, unfair on me as I wanted to see the other lads get their medals and unfair on the team as my son would be missing from the photos and stuff. Both me and son got into trouble for that. Seeing my son get punched in the face was the final straw and I finally found the courage to get help and get away for good.

Counsellor flipped all of that around and said I'm not weak. When it comes to my bairns, I managed to stand up and do what I thought was best for them. I'd never thought of it in that way before so it was kind of a lightbulb moment. Still need to work on standing up for myself when it's not about the bairns though. I still struggle with that.

All of this is raw and still going round and round in my head. I just wanted to write it all down and try to get some kind of release from it.
Click to expand...
I read this and it is and relate. I had the exact same thing from my mother minus the violence. I truly wish my dad was as strong as you were in overriding your ex's wishes for petty punishments and abuse of children.

It is really hard to accept when people tell you the opposite of everything you know is true. I still cannot hold myself to the same standard of expectation of fair treatment I believe other people deserve. I try for the compassion through transactional analysis therapy and it just isn't there. I'm literally treating my partner's daughter and giving her the polar opposite to my upbringing. But cannot see that as a child I deserved that too because I was weak and I never tried to escape the abuse.

Separately, my anxiety levels are through the roof today. My partner and I had a nice evening out yesterday. We went to Morrisons afterwards to buy some food for breakfast and as we were leaving, there was a couple shoplifting with their four children. Two adults filled a basket with meat just inside the entrance and the kids then triggered the barriers at the entrance so they could run out. We were reaching the exit at that point and some staff were shouting. I really don't know why I did it, but I did a kind of front on rugby tackle on the dad and the security guard took him down from behind so we were all grappling the basket and contents and they gor away with one piece of meat. The mother ran off, the daughter who must have been 14/15 is calling all of the males present nonces and accusing us all of trying to touch her. Two of the boys, guessing somewhere about 9-12 kicked my partner. The dad was outside offering me a fight through the window and calling me a hero - and the Morrisons staff just walked back in and left us there without even a thank you. We were the only ones who gave a crap about the security guard who was badly shaken and had a knee injury. I discovered on arrival home that some of the stuff they recovered and took back inside was mine as well as the bag got snatched and ripped :lol:. Last night I felt alright about it all, but going over it today, I realised from the direction they walked away in that they must live fairly close to me and I'm now on edge. Not for them so much as they were a couple of skinny wretches and not as a slur but looked like they have addiction issues so I could fight them off but maybe people they know. But more than that, who takes their four kids shoplifting? That is horrendous and abuse in its own right. Feels like trafficking kids in to crime. Seeing abused children anywhere has me in emotional turmoil but this was so up close and personal.

I'm having one of those days where I am craving being back in childhood feeling the verbal abuse and humiliation and utter destruction of my soul that I listened to every day of my childhood. Just for familiarity as it's easier to deal with that than feeling the unknown. I just needed to unload all of that.
Roker SOL said:
Odd periods of depression have seen me go backwards, but knowing I have ASD has been a revelation and a relief. The counselling has been about me learning to live with it.
Click to expand...
May I ask how it helped you as I'm considering applying for a test. My therapist has an autistic child and she has had clients with autism, some of whom she assisted through the testing system. She says the most common noticeable thing to her is people after diagnosis tend to act more like people with autism as they feel a level of 'permission'. I'm absolutely sick of masking. It is exhausting due to CPTSD and it is exhausting just to have these false filters to look ok and to try and fit in.
 
Last edited:
DBStar said:
I read this and it is and relate. I had the exact same thing from my mother minus the violence. I truly wish my dad was as strong as you were in overriding your ex's wishes for petty punishments and abuse of children.

It is really hard to accept when people tell you the opposite of everything you know is true. I still cannot hold myself to the same standard of expectation of fair treatment I believe other people deserve. I try for the compassion through transactional analysis therapy and it just isn't there. I'm literally treating my partner's daughter and giving her the polar opposite to my upbringing. But cannot see that as a child I deserved that too because I was weak and I never tried to escape the abuse.

Separately, my anxiety levels are through the roof today. My partner and I had a nice evening out yesterday. We went to Morrisons afterwards to buy some food for breakfast and as we were leaving, there was a couple shoplifting with their four children. Two adults filled a basket with meat just inside the entrance and the kids then triggered the barriers at the entrance so they could run out. We were reaching the exit at that point and some staff were shouting. I really don't know why I did it, but I did a kind of front on rugby tackle on the dad and the security guard took him down from behind so we were all grappling the basket and contents and they gor away with one piece of meat. The mother ran off, the daughter who must have been 14/15 is calling all of the males present nonces and accusing us all of trying to touch her. Two of the boys, guessing somewhere about 9-12 kicked my partner. The dad was outside offering me a fight through the window and calling me a hero - and the Morrisons staff just walked back in and left us there without even a thank you. We were the only ones who gave a crap about the security guard who was badly shaken and had a knee injury. I discovered on arrival home that some of the stuff they recovered and took back inside was mine as well as the bag got snatched and ripped :lol:. Last night I felt alright about it all, but going over it today, I realised from the direction they walked away in that they must live fairly close to me and I'm now on edge. Not for them so much as they were a couple of skinny wretches and not as a slur but looked like they have addiction issues so I could fight them off but maybe people they know. But more than that, who takes their four kids shoplifting? That is horrendous and abuse in its own right. Feels like trafficking kids in to crime. Seeing abused children anywhere has me in emotional turmoil but this was so up close and personal.

I'm having one of those days where I am craving being back in childhood feeling the verbal abuse and humiliation and utter destruction of my soul that I listened to every day of my childhood. Just for familiarity as it's easier to deal with that than feeling the unknown. I just needed to unload all of that.

May I ask how it helped you as I'm considering applying for a test. My therapist has an autistic child and she has had clients with autism, some of whom she assisted through the testing system. She says the most common noticeable thing to her is people after diagnosis tend to act more like people with autism as they feel a level of 'permission'. I'm absolutely sick of masking. It is exhausting due to CPTSD and it is exhausting just to have these false filters to look ok and to try and fit in.
Click to expand...

So sorry to hear what you went through as a child and in Morrisons. It's bad of Morrisons not to check that you were ok.

Shoplifting is rife. I see it regularly at work. Just posted the other day about a young woman with a bairn in a pushchair buying nappies being reprimanded as she'd put a slit the nappy packet and pushed make up inside. They have no shame. I'd never get involved and try and tackle one of them as it's not worth the risk of being injured.

What you got planned for the rest of the day? Try and find something you enjoy if you can. Take care mate xx
 
Had a leak during the night few evenings ago and looks like my kitchen and bathroom are totally ruined, insurance can sort it by the looks but the stress has been all over it’s done a lot of damage and been advised when they come out tomorrow could potentially be moving into a hotel.

It’s literally smashed me down to the bottom like when i was on the up

Mother in law has decided to rock up still and all she has done is get in the way constantly.

Heads about to explode.
 
Becs said:
So sorry to hear what you went through as a child and in Morrisons. It's bad of Morrisons not to check that you were ok.

Shoplifting is rife. I see it regularly at work. Just posted the other day about a young woman with a bairn in a pushchair buying nappies being reprimanded as she'd put a slit the nappy packet and pushed make up inside. They have no shame. I'd never get involved and try and tackle one of them as it's not worth the risk of being injured.

What you got planned for the rest of the day? Try and find something you enjoy if you can. Take care mate xx
Click to expand...
I don't know why I got involved, especially as the first point of contact.

I have just been focusing on not drinking and taking codeine. Feel like a sad zombie but at least I can hopefully just let it pass.
 
Tried my absolute hardest to make this a good weekend but I'm sat by myself feeling sad again on Sunday evening as usual. I have a mate who is going through a divorce though so going to sort myself out this week and go out and try and cheer the lad up next week.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Tried my absolute hardest to make this a good weekend but I'm sat by myself feeling sad again on Sunday evening as usual. I have a mate who is going through a divorce though so going to sort myself out this week and go out and try and cheer the lad up next week.
Click to expand...
I know it can be hard work. The deep sadness can be overwhelming but you are doing the right thing, making plans for the coming week. Helping your mate you are also helping yourself although I know that is not your intention. Good luck.
 
DBStar said:
May I ask how it helped you as I'm considering applying for a test. My therapist has an autistic child and she has had clients with autism, some of whom she assisted through the testing system. She says the most common noticeable thing to her is people after diagnosis tend to act more like people with autism as they feel a level of 'permission'. I'm absolutely sick of masking. It is exhausting due to CPTSD and it is exhausting just to have these false filters to look ok and to try and fit in.
Click to expand...
The short story is after someone flagged to me I might be on the scale, I went to my GP for referral to NHS Mental Health.

I was already on the list for potential AD-HD so ASD was added on.

I went on sick due to stress (work was slow to initially handle). I had two mental health nurses initially talk to me on the telephone and both believed me to be on the scale. I struggled to accept it, part of what the current counselling is about.

It took four months before I faced a proper assessment. After over an hour, the mental health nurse recommended that I was ASD. He specifically said "Asperger's", a term not in official use since 2012. Work have accepted this assessment.

It may be another 2 to 3 years before I see a full-on specialist but there's no doubt.

I've also had potential dyslexia / dyspraxia added for investigation. I tend to believe the latter of the two is more likely. I never managed to learn to ride a bike or drive a car, indicators if any I may be dyspraxic.
 
Becs said:
So sorry to hear what you went through as a child and in Morrisons. It's bad of Morrisons not to check that you were ok.

Shoplifting is rife. I see it regularly at work. Just posted the other day about a young woman with a bairn in a pushchair buying nappies being reprimanded as she'd put a slit the nappy packet and pushed make up inside. They have no shame. I'd never get involved and try and tackle one of them as it's not worth the risk of being injured.

What you got planned for the rest of the day? Try and find something you enjoy if you can. Take care mate xx
Click to expand...
Hi Becs. How are you? Just checking in to see how you are. Fantastic lady.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top