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Depression thread continued...

Mjsafc86 said:
I couldn't agree with your post more.

I'm back from the holiday now. Slovenia is a beautiful country, would highly recommend it to anybody thinking of going. But I didn't enjoy it because of obvious issues. When I came back, I'd wrote out a letter to her (wrote it on holiday), and left it on the coffee table. Heard her sobbing the next morning, which was a sign that she'd read it.

We managed to be civil towards each other for a couple days. Then I came back from work one night and she was in and out of the house in the evening within 5 mins. I didn't even see her, even though I was in the house. Took a couple bags with her and that was the first evening she'd spent away from the house since it all began. I noticed that the car wasn't parked outside the house, so it didn't take much for me to put 2 and 2 together that she'd parked the car round the corner and this c*** was in her car round the corner. So my head and mind was mush after this. Went round to see my sister and brother in law for company and to help me process stuff. We came up with a plan that we need her out of my house asap.

I dropped her a message the next day to ask when she would be back to the house, so we could discuss precisely when she would be moving out. We met and I said everything out by July 1st and that I'll be changing the locks. She protested, saying she was finding it difficult to find a new place, but I doubled down and said it had to be this way. On Thursday morning, world war 3 started. She was shouting saying she was very angry at me that I hadn't given her much time to move out. I replied that she was lucky she had this much time to stay in the house, and there was no evidence of any packing in the week I'd been in Slovenia. I also re-iterated to her that she was a cheat, a liar, deceiver and a coward. Things escalated a bit more verbally. Then there was a funny moment where we both had to leave the house at the same time to go to work. She left first, and I was 2 seconds behind. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

Got a message from her Friday morning to say she would empty her possessions out on Monday (tomorrow), leave some boxes in the garage to pick up at a later date, and that she would be gone on Monday. I spoke with her face to face that evening to make sure we were both on the same page. Everything was civil. Then she's been gone since 8am Saturday morning, hasn't came back since. Got into another text/ slagging match this afternoon. Mainly about the cheating and this other guy. Made it clear that if this guy turns up and I'm there, there will be trouble, and if he turns up and I'm not there, I'll call the police.

Still can't fathom or process how I'm in this situation. If you'd asked me 2 months ago, I would have thought I had all the big stuff planned out for life. Now nothing makes sense. I keep asking myself what I could have done better, could I have done anything to prevent this from happening? I'm struggling to understand why she cheated when she knew she'd been cheated on in a previous relationship and how it felt (I even asked if what she'd told me about this was true, she laughed in my face, and said she wasn't lying about this). Also struggling to understand why she'd go with this guy, who I think is a complete and utter waste of space and won't be able to provide for her. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I've been exercising a lot in terms of going for 2 walks literally every day since it happened, 2 hours in total at the moment. I've lost 3kg in the last 2 and a half weeks. The walks are good, I have good physical energy after them, and it gives me a lot of thinking time (good) and I can listen to podcasts.

I went to the GP on Tuesday and I told him I didn't want to go on medication, which he agreed with. Thought we should deal with the immediate acute trauma first, and re-assess 2-3 months down the line. I said I'd like to speak to somebody like a therapist, so I've self referred and have a phone consultation with Talking Heads in a week and a half. I've been speaking with and hanging out more with friends and family. Though I made an error last night. I went for food with a mate, which was good, then went on a mini binge of 6-7 pints, and it feels like I have more anxiety and an impending fear of doom today. So I'll have to avoid alcohol for the forseeable I think. Though I've still managed to get my steps in today.

It's going to take a lot to get over this betrayal and get to the other side. But I'm optimistic in myself that I can do this. Trying to accomplish little goals at the moment. I think a big barrier at the moment is still having all her stuff in the house. So once that's all gone, I should be able to go no contact with her, and won't have so many reminders of her in the house.
Click to expand...
It's messy for sure and avoiding the booze if shes anywhere around while this plays out is wise.

Make a point of packing her stuff in boxes so all she has to do is pick it up, clean and clinical.

And don't fall for the begging to be back in a few months time if the other relationship goes tits up, noting alcohol makes you vulnerable to this. And on social media, block, block and block again.
 
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Roker SOL said:
It's messy for sure and avoiding the booze if shes anywhere around while this plays out is wise.

Make a point of packing her stuff in boxes so all she has to do is pick it up, clean and clinical.

And don't fall for the begging to be back in a few months time if the other relationship goes tits up, noting alcohol makes you vulnerable to this. And on social media, block, block and block again.
Click to expand...
Ļgood advice, I can tell you from experience.....which I would have done well to heed.
 
CPLforever said:
Ļgood advice, I can tell you from experience.....which I would have done well to heed.
Click to expand...
It's what I had to do with the lass from a year ago with the "whateveritwas"-ship I mentioned. There was snooping using her adult son's accounts from two months in, past bust up at four months and right through to coming down from Kilimanjaro three months later (my Kili buddies couldn't send requests until I reconfigured, which is how I discovered the continued snooping). Alcohol made me doubt myself.

I'd already blocked her account and that of a friend who interfered (LinkedIn as well as Facebook). I then had to block 5 accounts under her adult son's name (though I suspect 3 were actually her - which made a lie of her not talking to her son). It got creepy. I'm no angel, but wow!!!

I've my neurodiversity assessments shortly and I don't need people like that in my life at this or any time. It stopped after those extra accounts were blocked.
 
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Mjsafc86 said:
I couldn't agree with your post more.

I'm back from the holiday now. Slovenia is a beautiful country, would highly recommend it to anybody thinking of going. But I didn't enjoy it because of obvious issues. When I came back, I'd wrote out a letter to her (wrote it on holiday), and left it on the coffee table. Heard her sobbing the next morning, which was a sign that she'd read it.

We managed to be civil towards each other for a couple days. Then I came back from work one night and she was in and out of the house in the evening within 5 mins. I didn't even see her, even though I was in the house. Took a couple bags with her and that was the first evening she'd spent away from the house since it all began. I noticed that the car wasn't parked outside the house, so it didn't take much for me to put 2 and 2 together that she'd parked the car round the corner and this c*** was in her car round the corner. So my head and mind was mush after this. Went round to see my sister and brother in law for company and to help me process stuff. We came up with a plan that we need her out of my house asap.

I dropped her a message the next day to ask when she would be back to the house, so we could discuss precisely when she would be moving out. We met and I said everything out by July 1st and that I'll be changing the locks. She protested, saying she was finding it difficult to find a new place, but I doubled down and said it had to be this way. On Thursday morning, world war 3 started. She was shouting saying she was very angry at me that I hadn't given her much time to move out. I replied that she was lucky she had this much time to stay in the house, and there was no evidence of any packing in the week I'd been in Slovenia. I also re-iterated to her that she was a cheat, a liar, deceiver and a coward. Things escalated a bit more verbally. Then there was a funny moment where we both had to leave the house at the same time to go to work. She left first, and I was 2 seconds behind. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

Got a message from her Friday morning to say she would empty her possessions out on Monday (tomorrow), leave some boxes in the garage to pick up at a later date, and that she would be gone on Monday. I spoke with her face to face that evening to make sure we were both on the same page. Everything was civil. Then she's been gone since 8am Saturday morning, hasn't came back since. Got into another text/ slagging match this afternoon. Mainly about the cheating and this other guy. Made it clear that if this guy turns up and I'm there, there will be trouble, and if he turns up and I'm not there, I'll call the police.

Still can't fathom or process how I'm in this situation. If you'd asked me 2 months ago, I would have thought I had all the big stuff planned out for life. Now nothing makes sense. I keep asking myself what I could have done better, could I have done anything to prevent this from happening? I'm struggling to understand why she cheated when she knew she'd been cheated on in a previous relationship and how it felt (I even asked if what she'd told me about this was true, she laughed in my face, and said she wasn't lying about this). Also struggling to understand why she'd go with this guy, who I think is a complete and utter waste of space and won't be able to provide for her. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I've been exercising a lot in terms of going for 2 walks literally every day since it happened, 2 hours in total at the moment. I've lost 3kg in the last 2 and a half weeks. The walks are good, I have good physical energy after them, and it gives me a lot of thinking time (good) and I can listen to podcasts.

I went to the GP on Tuesday and I told him I didn't want to go on medication, which he agreed with. Thought we should deal with the immediate acute trauma first, and re-assess 2-3 months down the line. I said I'd like to speak to somebody like a therapist, so I've self referred and have a phone consultation with Talking Heads in a week and a half. I've been speaking with and hanging out more with friends and family. Though I made an error last night. I went for food with a mate, which was good, then went on a mini binge of 6-7 pints, and it feels like I have more anxiety and an impending fear of doom today. So I'll have to avoid alcohol for the forseeable I think. Though I've still managed to get my steps in today.

It's going to take a lot to get over this betrayal and get to the other side. But I'm optimistic in myself that I can do this. Trying to accomplish little goals at the moment. I think a big barrier at the moment is still having all her stuff in the house. So once that's all gone, I should be able to go no contact with her, and won't have so many reminders of her in the house.
Click to expand...

I had something very similar in my twenties that absolutely kicked the shit out of me, I met my now Mrs quite soon afterwards, probably too soon, but you meet someone when you meet someone I guess.

I never thought I’d have split up with the other one, but life is class now, it’s funny how things work out, sounds like you’ve got good support round you, keep your head up mate.
 
Gennaro Savastano said:
Just been for a long walk on my own and I'm just consumed by dark thoughts now. Can't see a way out I really can't. People keep telling me it will get better but I just can't see it. Everyday is just painful from waking up to going to sleep.
Click to expand...
Just arrived back in the house. Got a call from a friend. We first met in an intensive intervention therapy group but remained in contact, for friendship and understanding. Anyway she's had a bad couple of weeks, and like you was thinking how hard it is to just keep going on, what she describes as life being so painful (a similar description to yours).

We concluded we have managed to survive 100% of our worst days so far and we can survive this one too.

I say the same to you too.....you can survive this.
 
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CPLforever said:
Just arrived back in the house. Got a call from a friend. We first met in an intensive intervention therapy group but remained in contact, for friendship and understanding. Anyway she's had a bad couple of weeks, and like you was thinking how hard it is to just keep going on, what she describes as life being so painful (a similar description to yours).

We concluded we have managed to survive 100% of our worst days so far and we can survive this one too.

I say the same to you too.....you can survive this.
Click to expand...
Just surviving isn't living though, it's just existing and it's horrible.
lucky said:
You got this mate I promise things will get better ❤️.
Click to expand...
Appreciate the comment mate but I've been trying to make things better for a long time and it just keeps getting worse.
 
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Gennaro Savastano said:
Just surviving isn't living though, it's just existing and it's horrible.

Appreciate the comment mate but I've been trying to make things better for a long time and it just keeps getting worse.
Click to expand...
Yes but if we can survive the bad days, hopefully it means we can, eventually start living the good days, cos, like others have said, it will get better.

Sorry to ask, I should really look back. Have you approached your GP, asked them to refer you to mental health services.

You have been struggling for a while. Tell your GP the serious and long term Impact your low mood is having on your daily life.
 
CPLforever said:
Yes but if we can survive the bad days, hopefully it means we can, eventually start living the good days, cos, like others have said, it will get better.

Sorry to ask, I should really look back. Have you approached your GP, asked them to refer you to mental health services.

You have been struggling for a while. Tell your GP the serious and long term Impact your low mood is having on your daily life.
Click to expand...
I have been struggling since I was a teenager. Avoided the GP for years as I didn't like the idea of taking medication but last year I started SSRIs. They helped initially but more in just that they made me not give a shit anymore. My personal situation has got worse now though and is beyond repair.They did offer to refer me to talking therapies but I find it difficult to talk to people so I didn't take them up on it in the end.
 
Gennaro Savastano said:
I have been struggling since I was a teenager. Avoided the GP for years as I didn't like the idea of taking medication but last year I started SSRIs. They helped initially but more in just that they made me not give a shit anymore. My personal situation has got worse now though and is beyond repair.They did offer to refer me to talking therapies but I find it difficult to talk to people so I didn't take them up on it in the end.
Click to expand...

Go back and take them up on that mate, it’s hard at first but it makes a world of difference.
 
CPLforever said:
This. Honestly...it can be hard, especially at first, but you more than most know nothing is easy right. Talking it through can really sort it out in your head or at the very least give you pointers on how to manage your feelings a little better.
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Wish our lass would leave me I’d be happier

I’m joking joking

I’ve been with her ten years @CPLforever see always some worse off than you xxx
CPLforever said:
This. Honestly...it can be hard, especially at first, but you more than most know nothing is easy right. Talking it through can really sort it out in your head or at the very least give you pointers on how to manage your feelings a little better.
Click to expand...
Just keep posting on here every day marra

Least once a day

I lost my my dad recently best marra I ever had

With out this place idve been next to him

But slowly getting through it with great people off this board

@Becs etc xxx
 
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Gennaro Savastano said:
I have been struggling since I was a teenager. Avoided the GP for years as I didn't like the idea of taking medication but last year I started SSRIs. They helped initially but more in just that they made me not give a shit anymore. My personal situation has got worse now though and is beyond repair.They did offer to refer me to talking therapies but I find it difficult to talk to people so I didn't take them up on it in the end.
Click to expand...
Things always look better in the morning mate, hope you managed to get a decent night's sleep.

Drop us a line to let us know you're alright if you're up to it.
 
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
I didn't mean to post that 3 times obviously.
 
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Gennaro Savastano said:
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
Didn't have a great sleep, recurring bad dream whenever I dropped off. Horrible when you can't even use sleep to escape your own mind.
I didn't mean to post that 3 times obviously.
Click to expand...
Am so sorry mate can't help with dreams but you need to see your GP and tell them everything that your slipping massively and you don't know where to turn. If I can do anything to help please let me know ❤️.
 
Mjsafc86 said:
I couldn't agree with your post more.

I'm back from the holiday now. Slovenia is a beautiful country, would highly recommend it to anybody thinking of going. But I didn't enjoy it because of obvious issues. When I came back, I'd wrote out a letter to her (wrote it on holiday), and left it on the coffee table. Heard her sobbing the next morning, which was a sign that she'd read it.

We managed to be civil towards each other for a couple days. Then I came back from work one night and she was in and out of the house in the evening within 5 mins. I didn't even see her, even though I was in the house. Took a couple bags with her and that was the first evening she'd spent away from the house since it all began. I noticed that the car wasn't parked outside the house, so it didn't take much for me to put 2 and 2 together that she'd parked the car round the corner and this c*** was in her car round the corner. So my head and mind was mush after this. Went round to see my sister and brother in law for company and to help me process stuff. We came up with a plan that we need her out of my house asap.

I dropped her a message the next day to ask when she would be back to the house, so we could discuss precisely when she would be moving out. We met and I said everything out by July 1st and that I'll be changing the locks. She protested, saying she was finding it difficult to find a new place, but I doubled down and said it had to be this way. On Thursday morning, world war 3 started. She was shouting saying she was very angry at me that I hadn't given her much time to move out. I replied that she was lucky she had this much time to stay in the house, and there was no evidence of any packing in the week I'd been in Slovenia. I also re-iterated to her that she was a cheat, a liar, deceiver and a coward. Things escalated a bit more verbally. Then there was a funny moment where we both had to leave the house at the same time to go to work. She left first, and I was 2 seconds behind. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

Got a message from her Friday morning to say she would empty her possessions out on Monday (tomorrow), leave some boxes in the garage to pick up at a later date, and that she would be gone on Monday. I spoke with her face to face that evening to make sure we were both on the same page. Everything was civil. Then she's been gone since 8am Saturday morning, hasn't came back since. Got into another text/ slagging match this afternoon. Mainly about the cheating and this other guy. Made it clear that if this guy turns up and I'm there, there will be trouble, and if he turns up and I'm not there, I'll call the police.

Still can't fathom or process how I'm in this situation. If you'd asked me 2 months ago, I would have thought I had all the big stuff planned out for life. Now nothing makes sense. I keep asking myself what I could have done better, could I have done anything to prevent this from happening? I'm struggling to understand why she cheated when she knew she'd been cheated on in a previous relationship and how it felt (I even asked if what she'd told me about this was true, she laughed in my face, and said she wasn't lying about this). Also struggling to understand why she'd go with this guy, who I think is a complete and utter waste of space and won't be able to provide for her. It doesn't make any sense to me.

I've been exercising a lot in terms of going for 2 walks literally every day since it happened, 2 hours in total at the moment. I've lost 3kg in the last 2 and a half weeks. The walks are good, I have good physical energy after them, and it gives me a lot of thinking time (good) and I can listen to podcasts.

I went to the GP on Tuesday and I told him I didn't want to go on medication, which he agreed with. Thought we should deal with the immediate acute trauma first, and re-assess 2-3 months down the line. I said I'd like to speak to somebody like a therapist, so I've self referred and have a phone consultation with Talking Heads in a week and a half. I've been speaking with and hanging out more with friends and family. Though I made an error last night. I went for food with a mate, which was good, then went on a mini binge of 6-7 pints, and it feels like I have more anxiety and an impending fear of doom today. So I'll have to avoid alcohol for the forseeable I think. Though I've still managed to get my steps in today.

It's going to take a lot to get over this betrayal and get to the other side. But I'm optimistic in myself that I can do this. Trying to accomplish little goals at the moment. I think a big barrier at the moment is still having all her stuff in the house. So once that's all gone, I should be able to go no contact with her, and won't have so many reminders of her in the house.
Click to expand...

Whatever you might think, it sounds like you are making good progress with trying to sort things out. And I agree with what you (and others) have said - lay off the booze for a little while, whilst this is all going on. From experience, it doesn't help at all with anxiety, more so the following days (for me anyway). Keep going.
 
Mjsafc86 said:
Though I made an error last night. I went for food with a mate, which was good, then went on a mini binge of 6-7 pints, and it feels like I have more anxiety and an impending fear of doom today. So I'll have to avoid alcohol for the forseeable I think. Though I've still managed to get my steps in today.
Click to expand...

Remember your own advice next time it gets tough and avoid the alcohol. Nowt wrong with going out with a mate though. As you have said, exercise is a good drug, so keep that up.
 
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