Some Advice Needed

Status
Not open for further replies.


Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
Click to expand...

You can't force someone to love you, so walk away with your head held high and don't let yourself be consumed with bitterness and resentment. My advice... Use this moment as a new starting point. The past will hurt a lot, but the future contains endless possibilities. For all you know you might fall on your feet next week and you'll be more happy than you could ever imagine. Best of luck
 
Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
Click to expand...

As hard as it sounds, walk away.

It sounds as if she’s made her mind up and you’ll only hurt yourself more if you try to win her back.

Look after yourself and your lad, in a few years time you’ll look back and realise you made the right choice.
 
Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
Click to expand...
Learn to play guitar, its calming and will keep you busy and help you to focus your mind in this dramatic time. Good luck with everything marra.
 
Mace said:
Not the type of strumming i'm going to be looking to do mate :lol:
Click to expand...
:lol:

It is tough to take but you need to accept what she is saying and move on.
Do you have your own place?
You've got lots to sort out which is quite good as you won't be sitting around thinking.
Find a job. Get loads of exercise. Agree a schedule with your little boy.
Get out with your mates.
Good luck.
It will get better ;)
 
Move on mate let her think that you have lost all feelings for her as well. In a few months time you will look back and think “why did I bother putting up a fight”
 
Make loads of money then party for as long as you can.
 
As already said, walk away.

It's never going to be easy, so be prepared for a tough time ahead, however you'll re-discover yourself eventually.

If you still haven't got a job, get yourself one, that fills in say 40 hours of the week. Once that's sorted and you've got a bit of money behind you, get somewhere new to live, ideally away from where she is, but close enough to allow you to see your son.
Reconnect with your friends, you'll be surprised how different this is when you are single.
Once that's all sorted, get yourself a to-do list of all the things you've wanted to do, but not been able to. Travel was my saviour, going to places I wanted to and some that I'd never previously heard of!

Find someone you can talk to, when you need to. I found it good having a couple of people I could whinge to, moan at and generally offload.
There's also the wise (and not so wise) heads here on the SMB. Many of us have been through this and come out stronger. You will as well.
 
I know you said you're not the most open of people, but I find that talking about problems can really help.
If you have friends you can trust to be confidential or family members you are close to, as difficult as it may seem, do try to talk, if just to unburden yourself of the turmoil you must be going througb.
The old adage of, a problem shared is a problem halved, does make sense.
I won't tell you to fight or flight, but if she says it's over and means it's over, then in your heart of hearts, you will know what your best course of action is.
Make your son your priority and I wish you well in whichever decision you make, regarding moving forward with your life.
Having been througb tough break ups in the past, I know from experience that life will eventually get easier for you.
Take care mate.

Mace said:
Not the type of strumming i'm going to be looking to do mate :lol:
Click to expand...
You've still got a sense of humour, which is a positive thing.
Look after yourself and as others have already said, try to sort some access to your son and spend some quality time with him.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Horley Chorley said:
I know you said you're not the most open of people, but I find that talking about problems can really help.
If you have friends you can trust to be confidential or family members you are close to, as difficult as it may seem, do try to talk, if just to unburden yourself of the turmoil you must be going througb.
The old adage of, a problem shared is a problem halved, does make sense.
I won't tell you to fight or flight, but if she says it's over and means it's over, then in your heart of hearts, you will know what your best course of action is.
Make your son your priority and I wish you well in whichever decision you make, regarding moving forward with your life.
Having been througb tough break ups in the past, I know from experience that life will eventually get easier for you.
Take care mate.


You've still got a sense of humour, which is a positive thing.
Look after yourself and as others have already said, try to sort some access to your son and spend some quality time with him.
Click to expand...
Thankyou mate. Decided flight is the better option. No doubt depression has changed me as a person and believe me i knew i was changing myself but i couldn't stop it as hard as i tried. Going to concentrate on me and my boy. He has autism so fuck knows he needs the old me back.

Told her im going to prove her wrong and she'll realise one day what she let go. Can't see light at the end of the tunnel atm but ive promised him that the sun will shine on us soon.
 
Mace said:
Thankyou mate. Decided flight is the better option. No doubt depression has changed me as a person and believe me i knew i was changing myself but i couldn't stop it as hard as i tried. Going to concentrate on me and my boy. He has autism so fuck knows he needs the old me back.

Told her im going to prove her wrong and she'll realise one day what she let go. Can't see light at the end of the tunnel atm but ive promised him that the sun will shine on us soon.
Click to expand...
Brilliant response Mace.
At times, you might feel like your stuck in quicksand and the situation you find yourself in is sucking the life and the energy out of you.
Don't despair, as this will pass, and you wlll eventually see light at the end of the tunnel.
When push comes to shove we usually find an inner strengtb we never knew we had. - this will stand you in good stead.
See your doctor about the depression because left untreated it can be very destructive.
It's not easy, but maybe set yourself some little goals each day.
Things like filling your day witn things you like to do, should keep yourself and your mind occupied.
Maybe some volunteer work would help you to keep busy, so you aren't constantly thinking negative thoughts.
Be the best Dad for your son, and be the best you can each day for yourself.
Like I said earlier, try to talk to someone you can confide in and if it gets too much just let it all out.
There's not a single fella out there who's never broke down in tears at some point in their lives.
I agree mate, the sun will shine again for you and your son, someday, and when it does do whatever you can to make sure it stays shining for you both.
You can and will get through this, and you'll feel all the better for doing so.
Stay positive whenever possible Mace.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Back
Top