Some Advice Needed

Mace

Mace

Central Defender
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
 


Demons Run said:
Difficult to say without the whole context, however it sounds like she is not in the same place. Therefore your priority should be both your son and your own wellbeing.

Having said that, trust the advice of friends and family rather than a message board, because they will know you best.
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Am not the most 'open' of people mate even with family and friends and that's probably been part of the problem. Anonymity on here has helped tbh.
 
Had the same thing a few years ago mate but after 20 odd years together, it's like your in a tunnel with no end but ALL the clinches are true especially "time being a great healer" I would have done anything at the time to get her back but with hindsight (winch is 20/20) it would have been a huge mistake after the trust was gone,,stay strong things will get better and will make you a stronger person regardless of how shit it is right now
 
Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
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Walk away.

Try some of the basic things that help with depression, Stop or limit your drinking of alcohol, eat healthier, don't drink fizzy drinks. Go and do exercise, go for walks to get some fresh air. Try it for a few weeks and see if it makes you feel any better.

Post in the depression thread if you need to get things off your chest
 
Sorry to read that mate. From what you've said, it looks like she's said it's over. It's hard I know.

Take some for yourself and concentrate on getting yourself sorted out. If you'd like to join us on the depression thread, you'd be more than welcome.
Depression

You mentioned you wouldn't normally post stuff like this. If you ever feel you can't talk publicly on here, you can PM me or one of the others from the depression thread anytime and we'll try to help.

Look after yourself marra xx
 
Do what is healthiest for you right now, rather than what your emotion pulls you towards. Once you are feeling healthier you will be in a better place to judge the situation clearer, make decisions and most importantly give your son all you need to.
 
Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
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For your lad and yourself - fight one more time. Ask for her for marriage counselling. Try everything.

Better to walk away knowing you tried. Often lack of communication is the reason why marriages fail.
 
You can't give it one more try if she isn't interested mate. You are just going to prolong the inevitable and torture yourself. Your focus needs to be on your lad. So unfortunately you are going to have to have contact with her but keep it strictly business don't ask her what she is doing or seeing it will just pickle your head. And keep active gym,golf anything with pals but not drinking or recs or it will make it even f***ing worse. Good luck, time is the best healer and when you eventually find someone else you will wonder what all the fuss was about!
 
Mace said:
Not one to post stuff like this but recently split up with the missus of five years. Got a belter of a little lad together. Still love the lass like mad she's me best mate but she said she didn't feel the same way anymore. Been a shit six months losing me job, family and home and suffering with what i think is depression isn't helping.

Had a feeling in me gut this last week or so, so a asked her if she was seeing someone else. She said no but she has been talking to someone. Absolute kick in the balls. Told her with all that's going on in me head and that that a feel like ive got one last fight in me to save our family and relationship and got told a would be wasting me time.

Devastated doesn't even come close. Do i f***ing fight or walk away? Me head is absolutely boxed to bits. Like i said i wouldnt normally post stuff like this but any advice would be welcome.
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As mentioned, probably the best way of getting her back is to walk away. Sounds like she's decided she doesn't want to be with you but maybe with a bit of space she might miss you, especially if she does start seeing other people and it doesn't really work out. Walking away might also mean that you move on, so even if she doesn't want you back after it, you might not be arsed.

I know it's hard, but end of the day you have to remember that your main concern should be for your son first and foremost, and yourself. Just enjoy the time you get with him, enjoy the freedom that you don't get when you're in a relationship, and try to be quite open about it with close friends if you feel like you need support. Obviously if you prefer the anonymous approach you can always talk to people on here, loads of us will always be happy to talk to you either here or by PM, but also don't be afraid to contact one of the mental health charities if you need to, sounds like you've been through a hell of a lot with the house and the job as well, there's no shame at all in admitting you need help. Hope it works out for you, and make sure you use this place as a sounding board any time you need to, take care mate
 
Marcosplace said:
For your lad and yourself - fight one more time. Ask for her for marriage counselling. Try everything.

Better to walk away knowing you tried. Often lack of communication is the reason why marriages fail.
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Tbh mate it looks like she's been knocking around with this lad for yonks and has made her mind up.

Really ,really sad situation for the op but I think he's just got to let her go and try and separate amicably so she doesn't start using the boy as a stick to beat him with.Feel heartily sorry for the op,does he want her back after she's fell for someone else .?I wouldn't judge him either way tbh just hope it gets sorted for all concerned .
 

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