it all began one night in 1996, after one g fenton broke many a jawdee heart (and consequently, many a jawdee phone box) with his thrilling double strike.
An inconsolable young fellow ("between jobs like") shuffled through haymarket to begin the long knuckle-drag back to cowgate, when he spied a glue-addled hag in a kappa trackie. To lighten the mood, he slipped a johnnie over his john thomas, grabbed the "lady" and dragged her behind the shops, thus taking her up the tradesman's in more ways than one.
Two minutes later, he threw the used condom in the bin behind munchies. Over time, his genetically challenged willy-sputum reacted with the pastie flakes, chip oil and rancid kebab meat to produce a new and bizarre species: Homo rydicus.
Homo rydicus is distinguished (if that's the right word) by its hairless bonce, a goatee that appears to have been drawn on with a biro by the fella from my left foot, and a total disregard for personal dignity. It roams the tyneside area in fearsome packs, devastating fast food outlets in its wake. Approach with extreme caution... It may borrow a tab.