shit ashes joke thread

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What do you call an Aussie with champagne?




Waiter.






Sorry.
 
What do you call an Aussie with a hundred to his name?

A bowler. :cool:
 
Q. What does Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Whats the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q: what is the difference between an Australian fielder and a condom?
A: one drops a catch and other catches a drop

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Australian innings.

Q. What do Ponting and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q: How should the Australian coach reshuffle the Australian batting order?
A: Move Extras up the order

Q: When would Ponting have 100 runs against his name?
A: When he is bowling.

Q: Where do Australian Batsman perform their best?
A: In Advertisments.
 
Bumped into Scott Miller today, the Australian vet who does ITV's This Morning & often focuses on exotic animals. Was surprised to hear today his phone's been urgently ringing off the hook asking him to go back asap –even the Oz PM called. I couldn’t quite understand why but then it became clear, he’s the only Aussie who knows how to hold a bat properly!
 
BOYCEY said:
Q. What does Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.

Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. Whats the Australian version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q: what is the difference between an Australian fielder and a condom?
A: one drops a catch and other catches a drop

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Australian innings.

Q. What do Ponting and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason

Q: How should the Australian coach reshuffle the Australian batting order?
A: Move Extras up the order

Q: When would Ponting have 100 runs against his name?
A: When he is bowling.

Q: Where do Australian Batsman perform their best?
A: In Advertisments.
Click to expand...

Bring it on :):):)
 
I heard a good one on TMS this week.

The phone rings in the Australian dressing room during the 4th Ashes test. The Aussie coach answers it and the conversation goes as follows:

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Ricky Ponting please.
Coach: I'm sorry, he has just gone out to bat.
Caller: That's ok, I'll hold.

:lol::lol:
 
Q. What do Ricky Ponting and Pete Doherty have in common?

A. They both spend their lives wondering where their next big score is going to come from.
 
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