Only fools and horses

[wearsidemicky]

Howay give es your best jokes / quotes
For me it’s got to be


what do you prefer Rodney ?
Pardon?
What do you prefer astroturf or grass?
Don’t know I’ve never smoked astroturf

 

[42]

The one where uncle Albert gets coffee mixed up with GRAVY

 

[Lumber]

AJAX

 

[McRoker]

Del on Rodney's older bird: "She's even too old for me!!!"

Grandad:"Well I'd have to think twice!!!"

 

[Bullettooth]

What you got Rodney a Wendy house

 

[SR7]

"If it's a girl they're calling her Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're naming him Rodney after Dave."

 

[Aidan11]

"What about the time he was in the Navy, eh? Every single ship he ever sailed on either got torpedoed or dive-bombed... two of ’em in peace time."

 

[Julio Mackemo]

Who’s Rachael ?

 

[Select coaches]

We haven’t got a car phone

 

[Aidan11]

I feel like a turkey that's just caught Bernard Matthews grinning at him.

 

[Barry Quizshow]

Mike: Don't try'n be funny with me, Trigger. I'll tell you this much, I've had certificates for my beer.

Trigger: Yeah, I've had a few days off work with it as well!

 

[redandwhiterob]

I'd not really watched them for a while but me and our lass binged loads over last Christmas. Loads our lass hasn't watched which made them a better watch for me knowing what was coming up and watching her in hysterics. It still stands up after all these years. Tons and tons of proper laugh out loud moments as well as a few tears too. Undoubtedly one of the great TV programs

 

[monkeytassle]

That episode when they won the arts thing on the cereal box and got the kids holiday. Rodney looking devastated on a skateboard with a wonky helmet saying groovy.

 

[PTID]

Of course he couldn’t swim, he only had one bloody arm. He would have gone around in circles, wouldn’t he?

Del Boy

 

[tunstallhill]

"sounds like Jimmy saville"

One of the best delivered comedy lines of all time. It's the one where their in the seance and she's describing the woman she's talking to (Del's mam).. the built up tension is tremendous

 

[Heritage hampers]

Why' ask?

 

[redandwhiterob]

It was a suicide attempt that went wrong....or right, whichever way you look at it I suppose

He tried to hang himself with his braces and smashed himself to death on the ceiling

 

[Brian Griffin]

Come along Marlene

 

[BarnesPark]

From Danger UXD

“Ugly looking mares, aren’t they?”
“Seen you with worse”

“Gawd knows what he’s think if he bumped
Into Pepsi & Shirlie here”

“I told them not to have the Vindaloo”

 

[Qwerty]

Rodney. - You were gun running in the middle of a civil war?

Grandad- That's the best time to do it Rodney