Mental Health - general discussion

It's hard marra. You did all you could for her given the circumstances and you needed to look after your own bairns. She would have known that. Don't beat yourself up over what if's. You did the best you could.

Take each day as it comes and look after yourself mate. Keep talking if it helps. Thinking of you 😘
 


Chappers said:
Really not doing well at the moment. I know part of it is understandable but it's the covid part that has me the most upset and struggling to cope.

My mam died on Monday. I can get my head around that part. I just can stop thinking about how due to covid I wasnt allowed to go with her in the ambulance, not allowed in the hospital for an entire day and half until they ruled covid out. This entire time she was talking and even managed a text on the Saturday morning.

By the time I was allowed to see her I got 5 minutes with her and she wasnt really with it at but she did hold my hand and was aware I was there, and I know that is more than some people get. The next 6 hours she was just pretty much sleep but whenever she woke her eyes were closed and she just kept saying ow. Its horrible watching someone you love suffer like that and I've had to do it twice now.

I cant stop thinking about how scared she must have been and that I wasn't there to look after her. One of my last texts was telling her she couldn't have her medicine as the nurses said she wasnt allowed it. I then asked her how she was feeling and she never answered it. Have her phone and she never got to read that one.

The hospital were great during the day but when we got there after she had died the night time staff were terrible. I went in to see her and when we got out, I asked what happend next and they didnt know and then stood 10 yards away and two of them were having a conversation and laughing.

I never thought it would affect me like this as when my dad died 22 years ago I coped really well and guess I thought that this is how I'd deal with death but this just isnt the same.

The wife is being great and it's really hard not being able to go and visit family and she is talking to them via phone which is awful. The funeral is next week and that is all scaled back, but she would have liked that as she never did like a fuss.

I know its only been 2 days but this has broken me. I know things will get better in time but at the moment its torture. Work for myself so cant even really stop working either. However, it is half term so only had 4 things yesterday but couldn't even keep it together when speaking to a head teacher and felt bloody stupid.

Sorry for the long post.
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Really sorry to hear that mate, and to anyone else reading who has lost a loved one recently.
 
We're going to break the rules for our 15 year old son who we've been shielding due to his asthma - we're getting seriously concerned for his mental well being - he's spending 14 or 15 hours a day/night in bed and becoming more and more withdrawn. I know some people will say this is normal for a 15 year old but he's a real social animal normally. He's missing the gym with his mates where he'd normally go 4 or 5 times a week, missing going to the match and missing going out for food and a coffee with the lads.

We're going to drive somewhere remote up the coast and take him for a walk just to get the poor bugger out of the house.
 
Chappers said:
Really not doing well at the moment. I know part of it is understandable but it's the covid part that has me the most upset and struggling to cope.

My mam died on Monday. I can get my head around that part. I just can stop thinking about how due to covid I wasnt allowed to go with her in the ambulance, not allowed in the hospital for an entire day and half until they ruled covid out. This entire time she was talking and even managed a text on the Saturday morning.

By the time I was allowed to see her I got 5 minutes with her and she wasnt really with it at but she did hold my hand and was aware I was there, and I know that is more than some people get. The next 6 hours she was just pretty much sleep but whenever she woke her eyes were closed and she just kept saying ow. Its horrible watching someone you love suffer like that and I've had to do it twice now.

I cant stop thinking about how scared she must have been and that I wasn't there to look after her. One of my last texts was telling her she couldn't have her medicine as the nurses said she wasnt allowed it. I then asked her how she was feeling and she never answered it. Have her phone and she never got to read that one.

The hospital were great during the day but when we got there after she had died the night time staff were terrible. I went in to see her and when we got out, I asked what happend next and they didnt know and then stood 10 yards away and two of them were having a conversation and laughing.

I never thought it would affect me like this as when my dad died 22 years ago I coped really well and guess I thought that this is how I'd deal with death but this just isnt the same.

The wife is being great and it's really hard not being able to go and visit family and she is talking to them via phone which is awful. The funeral is next week and that is all scaled back, but she would have liked that as she never did like a fuss.

I know its only been 2 days but this has broken me. I know things will get better in time but at the moment its torture. Work for myself so cant even really stop working either. However, it is half term so only had 4 things yesterday but couldn't even keep it together when speaking to a head teacher and felt bloody stupid.

Sorry for the long post.
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Jesus. Sympathies.:(
 
Chappers said:
Really not doing well at the moment. I know part of it is understandable but it's the covid part that has me the most upset and struggling to cope.

My mam died on Monday. I can get my head around that part. I just can stop thinking about how due to covid I wasnt allowed to go with her in the ambulance, not allowed in the hospital for an entire day and half until they ruled covid out. This entire time she was talking and even managed a text on the Saturday morning.

By the time I was allowed to see her I got 5 minutes with her and she wasnt really with it at but she did hold my hand and was aware I was there, and I know that is more than some people get. The next 6 hours she was just pretty much sleep but whenever she woke her eyes were closed and she just kept saying ow. Its horrible watching someone you love suffer like that and I've had to do it twice now.

I cant stop thinking about how scared she must have been and that I wasn't there to look after her. One of my last texts was telling her she couldn't have her medicine as the nurses said she wasnt allowed it. I then asked her how she was feeling and she never answered it. Have her phone and she never got to read that one.

The hospital were great during the day but when we got there after she had died the night time staff were terrible. I went in to see her and when we got out, I asked what happend next and they didnt know and then stood 10 yards away and two of them were having a conversation and laughing.

I never thought it would affect me like this as when my dad died 22 years ago I coped really well and guess I thought that this is how I'd deal with death but this just isnt the same.

The wife is being great and it's really hard not being able to go and visit family and she is talking to them via phone which is awful. The funeral is next week and that is all scaled back, but she would have liked that as she never did like a fuss.

I know its only been 2 days but this has broken me. I know things will get better in time but at the moment its torture. Work for myself so cant even really stop working either. However, it is half term so only had 4 things yesterday but couldn't even keep it together when speaking to a head teacher and felt bloody stupid.

Sorry for the long post.
Click to expand...

Know this sounds stupid, but it's allowed and important to feel it. Being a man it's a weird social construction that you're supposed to carry shit instead of owning it. Take your time and grieve what's natural.
 
Thanks all. My focus is slowing moving towards the bairns and the funeral next week. I have to look after them in what is going to be a bizarre day due to all the restrictions in place.

Had a good chat with the funeral director about how I'm feeling and he was fantastic, it really helped.
 
Frankel said:
I’ve coped ok so far, but my 3 year old girl is really starting to struggle. She’s normally very well behaved but has just turned in to a terror and is waking up at 2 or 3 most mornings and refusing to go back to sleep. This is absolutely ruining my sleep and meaning my patience
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You can't underestimate the damage this is doing to your wellbeing. Our daughter was a horrendous sleeper and its f***ing brutal. The problem is the 'youre not the first to have kids' attitude. Some toddlers sleep perfectly so it's a completely different story. You'll feel utterly desperate but keep reminding yourself that it's the situation that's causing it and as you are probably sick of hearing, it won't last. I remember countless nights at 2am driving around in the car with our daughter in the back. I used to find night time radio incredibly therapeutic. For a year we were at our wits end. We paid nearly a grand for a sleep specialist that was money down the drain. I totally empathise with you. The sleepless night is tough but it's the daytime knowing that you have no prospect of sleep on the horizon that is the killer.
 
Bump.

Some links and numbers.
Samaritans Nationwide Support and listening Talk to us on the phone
116 123, yes that's their full number.

Lifecycle (NHS Talking therapies for South Tyneside) 0191 283 2800

South Tyneside Lifecycle Primary Care Mental Health Service - South Tyneside Council

www.southtyneside.gov.uk

Sunderland IAPT (as above but for Sunderland)

IAPT - Sunderland IAPT - Talking Therapies - Improving Access to Psychological Therapies - IAPT Sunderland - Counselling - Talking Therapies - Sunderland Psychological Wellbeing Service

Sunderland IAPT offer a range of self help classes to help with common difficulties such as low mood, anxiety, stress - Sunderland IAPT - Counseling
sunderlandiapt.co.uk
0191 566 5454

Crisis Team for Sunderland and South Tyneside
0303 123 1145 or free phone 0800 6522867
www.cntw.nhs.uk

Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Team - Sunderland - CNTW114

The Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Team is a team of experienced mental health staff, which includes nurses, social workers, psychiatrists and pharmacy staff. We offer assessment and home treatment for people over 16 experiencing a mental health crisis, as an alternative to hospital...
www.cntw.nhs.uk www.cntw.nhs.uk

There's other services out there as well as your GP, friends and family but nobody can help if they don't know, so speak out! You can self refer to any of the above.
 
Most days I wake up and wish it was bedtime....my Mrs is getting all exited for Christmas but I just can't and im usually a big kid.

Im drinking too much....and this news today has really wiped out any morale I had left
 
DiscoDisco said:
Most days I wake up and wish it was bedtime....my Mrs is getting all exited for Christmas but I just can't and im usually a big kid.

Im drinking too much....and this news today has really wiped out any morale I had left
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Been there mate, next few weeks might be back again. I've just tried to focus on one thing, there is nothing I can do about it so just tried to let it go, like a mantra I suppose, isn't easy. Take care
 
I'm getting like I was towards the end of the first lock down: driving me mad. I'm lucky in that I have a couple of good hobbies that I'm really interested in and can get lost in. But, the news every day of people dying, not being able to do what I want, such as swimming in the morning, and the general feeling of being caged in; is getting to me. Even listening to music, which usually has me in a good mood, is not doing the trick.

If it helps anyone, I get out bird watching at the weekend, and the walk is in nature and across cliffs right on the coast. That walk alone changes my mood immediately. If I was cooked up in the house 7 days a week I'd have been carted off a long time ago.
 
rudd said:
Bump.

Some links and numbers.
Samaritans Nationwide Support and listening Talk to us on the phone
116 123, yes that's their full number.

Lifecycle (NHS Talking therapies for South Tyneside) 0191 283 2800

South Tyneside Lifecycle Primary Care Mental Health Service - South Tyneside Council

www.southtyneside.gov.uk

Sunderland IAPT (as above but for Sunderland)

IAPT - Sunderland IAPT - Talking Therapies - Improving Access to Psychological Therapies - IAPT Sunderland - Counselling - Talking Therapies - Sunderland Psychological Wellbeing Service

Sunderland IAPT offer a range of self help classes to help with common difficulties such as low mood, anxiety, stress - Sunderland IAPT - Counseling
sunderlandiapt.co.uk
0191 566 5454

Crisis Team for Sunderland and South Tyneside
0303 123 1145 or free phone 0800 6522867
www.cntw.nhs.uk

Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Team - Sunderland - CNTW114

The Crisis Resolution and Home Treatment Team is a team of experienced mental health staff, which includes nurses, social workers, psychiatrists and pharmacy staff. We offer assessment and home treatment for people over 16 experiencing a mental health crisis, as an alternative to hospital...
www.cntw.nhs.uk www.cntw.nhs.uk

There's other services out there as well as your GP, friends and family but nobody can help if they don't know, so speak out! You can self refer to any of the above.
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Good bump .
I've been duty triaging for IAPT (not N.E) and the referrals have took off this last lockdown. First one I think people just thought " I won't be a nuisance" .
Severity of referrals (or at least the way the severity is expressed by clients ) much increased too, loads going to secondary assessment team for risk .
Loads already on the waiting list losing patience too.

Get help if you need it folks
 

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