Keep going lads and lasses

....f***ing loving this summer
More gags from me....to well....me. Nee other f***ing twat is paying attention.
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Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.
Suddenly one man turns to the other and says "Newcastle have lost again."
The other man was flabbergasted and said "how in the name of god do you know that?"
The other man replied "It's quarter to five."
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The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Newcastle are good enough to win the FA Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
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Q: What's the ideal weight for a Newcastle supporter?
A: 3 pounds...that's including the Urn.
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Q. Two Newcastle fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.
A. Who gives a F**K!
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Q: Why did Newcastle go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.
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Q: What's the difference between a Newcastle supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a mag!
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Q. Why do mags whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!