July 27th live footy on tv

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Dilligaf60 said:
I should think not. You are a better class of duck.
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Ha! Aye and he’ll be back on playing the big lad soon, complaining about jokes and recipes that keep the thread going.

He sleeps more during the day than The Little Duckling.
AndyGray1985 said:
A duck goes into a pub and asks for a pint of beer and a sandwich.
The barman says... " but your a duck..... and you can talk.....?"
The duck says "Yes, I'm a duck, and I talk. Look, I work on the building site over the road and I only get half an hour lunch break. Can I have my beer and sandwich?"
So the barman serves him and the duck returns every day at the same time. The barman builds up a relationship with the duck, talks to him about all manner of things and looks forward to the duck's lunch break.
One day a circus comes to town. The circus boss goes to the pub to ask if they will allow the circus to be advertised in the pub. The barman says to the circus owner "You've got to see this duck that comes in here everyday for a beer and a sandwich. He can talk and everything. He'd be brilliant in your circus!"
The Circus owner says "Sounds interesting, tell him to come and see me, might be a good job for him..."
Next time the duck goes to the pub the barman says "Hey, I might have set you up. The circus down the road think theuy could give you a good job."
The duck is bemused. " The circus? What that one that just set up down the road?"
"Yes that's the one."
"What the one with the big tent with ethe pole coming out of the top?"
"Yes, you got to go and see them..."
"Well, I'll be buggered... What the **** do they need a plasterer in there for....?"
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A quality tale
 
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3 ducks walk into a bar one evening

The barkeep says to the first, whats yr name

Huey came the reply

ok Huey, how’s ya day gone?

Great he says, pottering around Weshington, jumping around, in & out of puddles

Barkeep asks the same of duck No 2

Dewey he says & I’ve been pottering around Weshington, jumping about, in & out of puddles, been brilliant

barkeep says to No 3, I guess you are Louie & been pottering in Weshington, jumping around & in & out of puddles?

No says No 3, I am Puddles 😉
 
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Wakey ftm in Sussex said:
3 ducks walk into a bar one evry

The barkeep says to the first, whats yr name

Huey came the reply

ok Huey, how’s ya day gone?

Great he says, pottering around Weshington, jumping around, in & out of puddles

Barkeep asks the same of duck No 2

Dewey he says & I’ve been pottering around Weshington, humping about, in & out of puddles, been brilliant

barkeep says to No 3, I guess you are Louie & been pottering in Weshington, jumping around & in & out of puddles?

No says No 3, I am Puddles 😉
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😂😂😂😂
 
Wakey ftm in Sussex said:
3 ducks walk into a bar one evening

The barkeep says to the first, whats yr name

Huey came the reply

ok Huey, how’s ya day gone?

Great he says, pottering around Weshington, jumping around, in & out of puddles

Barkeep asks the same of duck No 2

Dewey he says & I’ve been pottering around Weshington, jumping about, in & out of puddles, been brilliant

barkeep says to No 3, I guess you are Louie & been pottering in Weshington, jumping around & in & out of puddles?

No says No 3, I am Puddles 😉
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Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, Im not worried, it won't affect us ducks."
 
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Dilligaf60 said:
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, Im not worried, it won't affect us ducks."
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Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." The other cow looked astonished and says "no way, I don't believe you!" and the first one said "yes, it's true, no bull."
 
A man walks into a bar and says to the barkeep, "Line me up ten whiskeys."
So the barman lines them up and the man gulps them down one after another.
"Jeez!" says the barkeep. "What are you celebrating then?"
"My first blow job," replies the man.
"Oh well," says the barman, "for that, I'll buy you one myself."
"No thanks," says the man. "If ten don't get rid of the taste, another one won't help!"
 
Three friends went to the Doctors to try and find a cure for their ailments.
One is an alcoholic, the second is a chain smoker and the third a raging Poofter.
The Doctor said to each one that if they carried on their individual ailments they would die.
On the way out the alcoholic said to the other two- "Fuck it, lets go to the pub, I'm buying."
They all supped their respective pints and the alcoholic dropped dead on the spot.
The other two left the pub and once outside the chain smoker noticed a burning cigarette butt on the pavement.
The poofter said, "Just think, if you bend down and pick that up we will both be Dead."
 
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
Rip Van Fish said:
Three friends went to the Doctors to try and find a cure for their ailments.
One is an alcoholic, the second is a chain smoker and the third a raging Poofter.
The Doctor said to each one that if they carried on their individual ailments they would die.
On the way out the alcoholic said to the other two- "Fuck it, lets go to the pub, I'm buying."
They all supped their respective pints and the alcoholic dropped dead on the spot.
The other two left the pub and once outside the chain smoker noticed a burning cigarette butt on the pavement.
The poofter said, "Just think, if you bend down and pick that up we will both be Dead."
Click to expand...
😂😂😂👍
 
Dilligaf60 said:
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."

😂😂😂👍
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A polar bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender serves him and remarks «We’ve got a cocktail named after you, though»

«You’ve got a cocktail named Jimmy?»
 
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