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Grieving

Lost my dad on the 13th of June, he went into hospital 3 days after the play off final, and we thought it was just because his bloods were low, and it turns out he was riddled with Cancer, he was 83 and had been in remission for 13 years.

He's always been one to approach death head on, never shy in talking about when the time comes sort of thing and how final it would be, always said don't be too sad just remember the good times. He also said two things in the hospital about Sunderland I am going to have to share, 1) When I said Jobe looked like he was leaving, he looked me dead in the eye and by this point he was getting weaker and could hardly talk and said "No one is as big as the club, son" and 2) "well, at least I will be forever premier league." I am not one for religion or after life etc but I am pretty sure come in the end of the season I might tell him all about our European charge.
 

Private Gomer Pyle said:
Lost my dad on the 13th of June, he went into hospital 3 days after the play off final, and we thought it was just because his bloods were low, and it turns out he was riddled with Cancer, he was 83 and had been in remission for 13 years.

He's always been one to approach death head on, never shy in talking about when the time comes sort of thing and how final it would be, always said don't be too sad just remember the good times. He also said two things in the hospital about Sunderland I am going to have to share, 1) When I said Jobe looked like he was leaving, he looked me dead in the eye and by this point he was getting weaker and could hardly talk and said "No one is as big as the club, son" and 2) "well, at least I will be forever premier league." I am not one for religion or after life etc but I am pretty sure come in the end of the season I might tell him all about our European charge.
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Your Da talked a lot of sense
 
Our daughter and I were very close. I coached her in t-ball and soccer, I wasn’t very good at it but it gave us plenty of time to be together during rides to and from practice. We had a Friday afternoon box at the Philadelphia Orchestra and 9 Fridays per school year I’d take her out of school at noon and we’d head over. Light lunch, orchestra and then kick around Chinatown and dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant. I was also the homemaker for our household as our lass had a great job but no real domestic skills (her first marriage) and I had plenty ( second marriage).
I was wrecked for months and months after her death. Cried every day. Then she started appearing in my dreams, real dreams to me. The last one was the one that settled me to the fact that she’s ok now.
We’re sitting at a round table in a cafeteria and she’s fiddling with her iPod. We had running discussions of modern music vs classical that were always fun. Anyway, I grab her iPod and say “Let me see what’s on here.” She reaches to grab it back and I hold it out of reach. At that point she puts her arms around me and gives me a hug. I felt that hug in my soul. I know that was her and I know she’s ok. No one will ever convince me otherwise.
Not sure if this is a help to anyone but thanks for the opportunity to share.
 
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Zweiguys said:
Our daughter and I were very close. I coached her in t-ball and soccer, I wasn’t very good at it but it gave us plenty of time to be together during rides to and from practice. We had a Friday afternoon box at the Philadelphia Orchestra and 9 Fridays per school year I’d take her out of school at noon and we’d head over. Light lunch, orchestra and then kick around Chinatown and dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant. I was also the homemaker for our household as our lass had a great job but no real domestic skills (her first marriage) and I had plenty ( second marriage).
I was wrecked for months and months after her death. Cried every day. Then she started appearing in my dreams, real dreams to me. The last one was the one that settled me to the fact that she’s ok now.
We’re sitting at a round table in a cafeteria and she’s fiddling with her iPod. We had running discussions of modern music vs classical that were always fun. Anyway, I grab her iPod and say “Let me see what’s on here.” She reaches to grab it back and I hold it out of reach. At that point she puts her arms around me and gives me a hug. I felt that hug in my soul. I know that was her and I know she’s ok. No one will ever convince me otherwise.
Not sure if this is a help to anyone but thanks for the opportunity to share.
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God, crying again.

That was quite lovely and it was a help. Thank you for posting it.
 
Zweiguys said:
Our daughter and I were very close. I coached her in t-ball and soccer, I wasn’t very good at it but it gave us plenty of time to be together during rides to and from practice. We had a Friday afternoon box at the Philadelphia Orchestra and 9 Fridays per school year I’d take her out of school at noon and we’d head over. Light lunch, orchestra and then kick around Chinatown and dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant. I was also the homemaker for our household as our lass had a great job but no real domestic skills (her first marriage) and I had plenty ( second marriage).
I was wrecked for months and months after her death. Cried every day. Then she started appearing in my dreams, real dreams to me. The last one was the one that settled me to the fact that she’s ok now.
We’re sitting at a round table in a cafeteria and she’s fiddling with her iPod. We had running discussions of modern music vs classical that were always fun. Anyway, I grab her iPod and say “Let me see what’s on here.” She reaches to grab it back and I hold it out of reach. At that point she puts her arms around me and gives me a hug. I felt that hug in my soul. I know that was her and I know she’s ok. No one will ever convince me otherwise.
Not sure if this is a help to anyone but thanks for the opportunity to share.
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You’re one strong person. Possibly the strongest person I’ve ever spoken too. I admire you. Thanks for sharing that lovely message. It gave me comfort.
 
Wanted to bump this to ask anyone struggling with a loss or a relative or friend of someone struggling. Holidays are a f**king monster. If you need a hug ask for one and if you see someone needs one, give one. Not a bro hug but a good strong one. Sometimes I need one and when I'm lucky enough to get one I feel like I’m hanging on for dear life. The biggest gift we can give at this time of year is our ears, listen to your mates that may be hurting.
I can feel the troubles coming my way as this is a tough time of year. Family photos and your kid is missing are a bitter pill.
Not meaning to sound preachy. Again, thanks for the opportunity to share.
 
Zweiguys said:
Wanted to bump this to ask anyone struggling with a loss or a relative or friend of someone struggling. Holidays are a f**king monster. If you need a hug ask for one and if you see someone needs one, give one. Not a bro hug but a good strong one. Sometimes I need one and when I'm lucky enough to get one I feel like I’m hanging on for dear life. The biggest gift we can give at this time of year is our ears, listen to your mates that may be hurting.
I can feel the troubles coming my way as this is a tough time of year. Family photos and your kid is missing are a bitter pill.
Not meaning to sound preachy. Again, thanks for the opportunity to share.
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Honestly Mate I can’t put that into any words and I wish I could take away the pain from you. I’m such a deep thinker and know you are.
If I was next to you now that hug would be forthcoming.

Here anytime for you Mate and if you are ever in these parts just pm me.
 
Swindon On Tour said:
Honestly Mate I can’t put that into any words and I wish I could take away the pain from you. I’m such a deep thinker and know you are.
If I was next to you now that hug would be forthcoming.

Here anytime for you Mate and if you are ever in these parts just pm me.
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You’ve been kind enough in the past to give me time to talk. It does a world of good.
God willing I’ll get that hug from you one day.
 
Zweiguys said:
Wanted to bump this to ask anyone struggling with a loss or a relative or friend of someone struggling. Holidays are a f**king monster. If you need a hug ask for one and if you see someone needs one, give one. Not a bro hug but a good strong one. Sometimes I need one and when I'm lucky enough to get one I feel like I’m hanging on for dear life. The biggest gift we can give at this time of year is our ears, listen to your mates that may be hurting.
I can feel the troubles coming my way as this is a tough time of year. Family photos and your kid is missing are a bitter pill.
Not meaning to sound preachy. Again, thanks for the opportunity to share.
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A timely bump too what with the holidays coming up. Sending a Glasgow hug (not one of those Glasgow kisses 😁) your way.
 
Yesterday’s Mother’s Day completed the list of firsts for myself, first Xmas, first birthdays (mine and hers), first Mother’s Day without my mam. I’ve read a lot about grief and how to understand it, but I’m not sure I’m any the wiser. For me it feels like emptiness, I have my tears when I’m in the car on my own, every now and then. Maybe next year I will look back with happiness for what we had rather than sadness for what we do not.
 
First 'event' without my Mam with it being Mothers Day yesterday. She died on the 1st Feb completely unexpectedly, She had been 5+ years down the line in remission from a blood cancer and she was being treated this time round after feeling unwell for a chest infection. She was really let down by the NHS, which is heart-breaking considering she dedicated 50 years of her life to working for them having left the North East at 17 to go to London to complete her radiology degree (in turn, turned to dentistry)

Just have to try and remember all of the good times, she was an incredible person, echoed by the fact there wasn't a seat left in Shields crem at her funeral.

Grief is hitting me at random times at the moment, can go from feeling completely normal to completely overrun by it all in the blink of an eye.

I miss her so much.
 
Super Ted said:
First 'event' without my Mam with it being Mothers Day yesterday. She died on the 1st Feb completely unexpectedly, She had been 5+ years down the line in remission from a blood cancer and she was being treated this time round after feeling unwell for a chest infection. She was really let down by the NHS, which is heart-breaking considering she dedicated 50 years of her life to working for them having left the North East at 17 to go to London to complete her radiology degree (in turn, turned to dentistry)

Just have to try and remember all of the good times, she was an incredible person, echoed by the fact there wasn't a seat left in Shields crem at her funeral.

Grief is hitting me at random times at the moment, can go from feeling completely normal to completely overrun by it all in the blink of an eye.

I miss her so much.
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Same boat regards the NHS, feel incredibly let down by them.
 
Pat Mustard said:
Same boat regards the NHS, feel incredibly let down by them.
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Awful isn't it.

They basically missed by Mams relapse of lymphoma, put it all down to something called 'pneumonitis' which is something she didn't actually have.

She pushed for weeks for answers, delays after delays, and in the end the day they actually identified it could potentially be a lymphoma relapse, she died overnight the day before she was due for a lymph node biopsy.

How someone who has a history of lymphoma and showing relative signs of relapse, took over 3 months to be prioritised by haemotology rather than respiritory is absolutely sickening.
 
Super Ted said:
Awful isn't it.

They basically missed by Mams relapse of lymphoma, put it all down to something called 'pneumonitis' which is something she didn't actually have.

She pushed for weeks for answers, delays after delays, and in the end the day they actually identified it could potentially be a lymphoma relapse, she died overnight the day before she was due for a lymph node biopsy.

How someone who has a history of lymphoma and showing relative signs of relapse, took over 3 months to be prioritised by haemotology rather than respiritory is absolutely sickening.
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Leaves a really bad taste, my mam had broken her ribs but was having pain in her stomach and back, pain was unbearable for her at times. Went to the doctors numerous times, sat in A&E 3 times for hours on end due to the pain. Just fobbed her off with morphine tablets saying it was her ribs. No scans, no actually listening to her regards where the pain was. She had liver and bowel cancer, by the time they decided to do a blood test it was too late, went into hospital on the Wednesday and passed away early hours of the following Monday
 
Pat Mustard said:
Leaves a really bad taste, my mam had broken her ribs but was having pain in her stomach and back, pain was unbearable for her at times. Went to the doctors numerous times, sat in A&E 3 times for hours on end due to the pain. Just fobbed her off with morphine tablets saying it was her ribs. No scans, no actually listening to her regards where the pain was. She had liver and bowel cancer, by the time they decided to do a blood test it was too late, went into hospital on the Wednesday and passed away early hours of the following Monday
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Thats horrendous and it feels all too common.
 
MigsGoalKicks said:
Seen quite a few messages recently about a loss of a loved one. So thought I’d do a thread.

Saturday was really hard for me. Held strong until Mayenda scored then I was crying like a baby. I miss my dad so much. Such a bittersweet day. If you saw a fat lad crying in Ttonic - yep that’s me.


one day at a time but lots of milestones coming up.
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Were you an extra? Was your scene when it started sinking after hitting the iceberg?

Only joshing fella.
 
11 years today for my dad. Totally unexpected, went to bed after lunch for a nap and never woke up.

Far too early at 75 but perhaps it was a good way to go. He wouldn't have survived the pandemic as he had a congenital lung problem. I had an aunt and uncle who had terrible final few years with dementia and my mam is starting to struggle now.
 
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