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Depression

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S.S.R.. said:
Anyone else dislike their family? I don't mean your wife and kids; like parents, siblings and all the assorted kids and hangers on that come?

Can't be arsed with any of them, but feel like I'm obligated to make an effort with them. To me they're all unlikeable characters in a film I didn't ask to be the protagonist of.

Fantasise about f***ing off somewhere and putting them in the rear view mirror. I feel guilty, like I'm a bad person; but they're really not good for my mental health.

Honestly, I'm a decent bloke. I'm the type who steps up and helps folk when others don't; I care about people who don't give a toss about me. There's a guy at work who made my life difficult when I started and now I see he's sick as fuck of the place, I should be inwardly gloating, but I feel sorry for him.

But my family... ...I feel nothing. Fuck all. They're a hangnail to me. :cry:
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I have these thoughts occasionally. I'm the middle child of 3 brothers. My older brother is 26 and youngest one is still a bairn (14) still living at home. Me and my older brother have both moved out and have our own houses. Difference though is i've got a fiance and 2 kids, he's single and has always struggled for friends so doesn't really have a social life. Other than going to the match ever other week he does nothing else outside of work. So my parents make an effort all the time to see him and make sure he's not "left on his own", he regularly spends nights back home at my parents house. If SAFC are at home, his weekend is go to the match on saturday, then jump in the car with my dad to go back to mams. He'll then stay over, have sunday dinner the next day, then get dropped back home late sunday evening. He doesn't drive either so they just taxi him around which really annoys me. If i ever ask for a lift (for a night out for example) there's every chance my mam would have an excuse. That's hard to take when i see him getting lifts every week for no reason other than to stop him being lonely!

They invited me and the kids to meet them at a pub for breakfast yesterday, i assumed the older brother would also be meeting us there. But they turned up with him already in the car (he's stayed the night at home again the night before). This pub was 10 minutes walk from his flat. So rather than just stay at his house overnight and meet us for breakfast, he still got a lift back to mams to sleep there.

I think because they know i have a life away from them now they don't seem to bother anymore unless I initiate it. There have been times i've asked if they'd be able to have the kids overnight occasionally and they've said they can't as the older brother is staying over and taking the spare room.

I've often thought about just telling them where to go and living my life - but then i see my kids love seeing them and spending time with them. So i don't think i could ever do it, but my life certainly wouldn't suffer
 

I feel completely out of sorts at the minute. I had a couple of weeks off work (holiday) at the start of the month and I came back to a shit show. 2 other supervisors off sick (1 with stress caused by the job) and as there's only 3 of us, I've been managing all 3 teams. I've worked 19 days straight and I'm exhausted, trying to look after the staff and stop them from feeling the pressure themselves.

I've had 2 work social events that have messed with me a bit too. Last weekend, one of my staff got married and I was invited as an evening guest. The anxiety of attending it stopped me sleeping properly for a few days before I eventually made the decision not to go. There were plenty of others going and I didn't think I'd be missed, though I did feel guilty.

Then tonight, a different member of my staff was having leaving drinks. I forced myself to go for a few hours and I'll be honest, even though I wasn't drinking, I was laughing and getting involved, but I could feel this creeping urge to get out of there that I was keeping down.

I made my excuses and left and I can't really describe my journey home. I was sort of on auto pilot just staring into the middle distance and there was this crushing emptiness inside me. I felt so hollow that it scared me. Usually I feel overwhelmed and have a lot of emotion when I'm depressed but this was almost the opposite but as bad if not worse.

I've been home for a couple of hours now but I can't stop the tingling sensation of the anxiety and calm my brain down. I'm writing this down in the hope that putting it on the page, takes it out of my head.
 
FlashGordon said:
I feel completely out of sorts at the minute. I had a couple of weeks off work (holiday) at the start of the month and I came back to a shit show. 2 other supervisors off sick (1 with stress caused by the job) and as there's only 3 of us, I've been managing all 3 teams. I've worked 19 days straight and I'm exhausted, trying to look after the staff and stop them from feeling the pressure themselves.

I've had 2 work social events that have messed with me a bit too. Last weekend, one of my staff got married and I was invited as an evening guest. The anxiety of attending it stopped me sleeping properly for a few days before I eventually made the decision not to go. There were plenty of others going and I didn't think I'd be missed, though I did feel guilty.

Then tonight, a different member of my staff was having leaving drinks. I forced myself to go for a few hours and I'll be honest, even though I wasn't drinking, I was laughing and getting involved, but I could feel this creeping urge to get out of there that I was keeping down.

I made my excuses and left and I can't really describe my journey home. I was sort of on auto pilot just staring into the middle distance and there was this crushing emptiness inside me. I felt so hollow that it scared me. Usually I feel overwhelmed and have a lot of emotion when I'm depressed but this was almost the opposite but as bad if not worse.

I've been home for a couple of hours now but I can't stop the tingling sensation of the anxiety and calm my brain down. I'm writing this down in the hope that putting it on the page, takes it out of my head.
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Sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. I do think writing stuff down helps. Get yourself a notebook and write down how you are feeling, and how this feeling makes you feel (if you know what I mean). Write about, if appropriate the anger and frustration you feel at how and why this happening. In fact write anything that comes into your head and it doesn't matter if it is incoherent, just get it down. Hopefully It will make you feel better.
 
FlashGordon said:
I feel completely out of sorts at the minute. I had a couple of weeks off work (holiday) at the start of the month and I came back to a shit show. 2 other supervisors off sick (1 with stress caused by the job) and as there's only 3 of us, I've been managing all 3 teams. I've worked 19 days straight and I'm exhausted, trying to look after the staff and stop them from feeling the pressure themselves.

I've had 2 work social events that have messed with me a bit too. Last weekend, one of my staff got married and I was invited as an evening guest. The anxiety of attending it stopped me sleeping properly for a few days before I eventually made the decision not to go. There were plenty of others going and I didn't think I'd be missed, though I did feel guilty.

Then tonight, a different member of my staff was having leaving drinks. I forced myself to go for a few hours and I'll be honest, even though I wasn't drinking, I was laughing and getting involved, but I could feel this creeping urge to get out of there that I was keeping down.

I made my excuses and left and I can't really describe my journey home. I was sort of on auto pilot just staring into the middle distance and there was this crushing emptiness inside me. I felt so hollow that it scared me. Usually I feel overwhelmed and have a lot of emotion when I'm depressed but this was almost the opposite but as bad if not worse.

I've been home for a couple of hours now but I can't stop the tingling sensation of the anxiety and calm my brain down. I'm writing this down in the hope that putting it on the page, takes it out of my head.
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Relate to a lot of what's said there. Think you've got to listen to what you feel and do what you want to do, rather than than what you're expected to do. Pressure to perform socially whether you're feeling up to it or not. Look after yourself and back off from stuff that doesn't make you feel good. You owe no one anything. Sorry if that sounds a bit preachy.

Mentally healthy people with normal self-esteem just fuck off from things when they're not enjoying it and not think any more of it, while folk like us; assuming you're similar to me, start hammering themselves for not performing adequately or not being normal or some daft shite.
Social events are an opportunity to connect with others and get a bit of positive feeling. If they start to feel like a sodding driving test, laden with anxiety and self-doubt, maybe the people you're interacting with are a buzzkill and you need to step out of it. It's not always your fault.
 
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S.S.R.. said:
Relate to a lot of what's said there. Think you've got to listen to what you feel and do what you want to do, rather than than what you're expected to do. Pressure to perform socially whether you're feeling up to it or not. Look after yourself and back off from stuff that doesn't make you feel good. You owe no one anything. Sorry if that sounds a bit preachy.

Mentally healthy people with normal self-esteem just fuck off from things when they're not enjoying it and not think any more of it, while folk like us; assuming you're similar to me, start hammering themselves for not performing adequately or not being normal or some daft shite.
Social events are an opportunity to connect with others and get a bit of positive feeling. If they start to feel like a sodding driving test, laden with anxiety and self-doubt, maybe the people you're interacting with are a buzzkill and you need to step out of it. It's not always your fault.
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Whilst I do agree with you I do wonder tho, what if what you want to do is not go out. Ever. So you will never interact with people. Never go out. I suppose there must be a fine line between ok I will attend, maybe set yourself a goal like attend for an hour. Try to do one thing a week, maybe? Don't know, just worth a discussion I think.

Also agree with the pressure to preform bit. It is exhausting, absolutely exhausting. I have had a night out before then not been able to get out of my bed for two days because mentally I am drained. Is it worth the effort. It must be mustn't it????.

Flash Gordon's description of feeling that crushing emptiness broke my heart. It can also be so puzzling, and it is devastating. It can make you question your very existence, but it will lessen, it will lift, it will get better. Solider on, a bit at a time, and bless you, know that people are thinking of you and wishing the very best for you.
 
CPLforever said:
Whilst I do agree with you I do wonder tho, what if what you want to do is not go out. Ever. So you will never interact with people. Never go out. I suppose there must be a fine line between ok I will attend, maybe set yourself a goal like attend for an hour. Try to do one thing a week, maybe? Don't know, just worth a discussion I think.

Also agree with the pressure to preform bit. It is exhausting, absolutely exhausting. I have had a night out before then not been able to get out of my bed for two days because mentally I am drained. Is it worth the effort. It must be mustn't it????.

Flash Gordon's description of feeling that crushing emptiness broke my heart. It can also be so puzzling, and it is devastating. It can make you question your very existence, but it will lessen, it will lift, it will get better. Solider on, a bit at a time, and bless you, know that people are thinking of you and wishing the very best for you.
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Can on only speak for myself, but I've often blamed myself for not doing well socially, when instead of pulling myself to bits I should've done more to seek out more like-minded people.

In my own case, even socialising with those I mesh well with and where interacting doesn't feel like a chore still is emotionally draining to some degree and I have to have plenty of time alone to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

Think the key is to start questioning yourself honestly as to why you feel empty. What is it that isn't there that you wished was? As long as it only exists in a vague negative feeling with no identifiable cause, you can't do much to correct it; other than avoiding the thing that makes you feel that way, which can be the right or wrong thing to do, depending on what exactly it is. It's too complicated and personal to have a one solution fixes all.
 
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CPLforever said:
Whilst I do agree with you I do wonder tho, what if what you want to do is not go out. Ever. So you will never interact with people. Never go out. I suppose there must be a fine line between ok I will attend, maybe set yourself a goal like attend for an hour. Try to do one thing a week, maybe? Don't know, just worth a discussion I think.

Also agree with the pressure to preform bit. It is exhausting, absolutely exhausting. I have had a night out before then not been able to get out of my bed for two days because mentally I am drained. Is it worth the effort. It must be mustn't it????.

Flash Gordon's description of feeling that crushing emptiness broke my heart. It can also be so puzzling, and it is devastating. It can make you question your very existence, but it will lessen, it will lift, it will get better. Solider on, a bit at a time, and bless you, know that people are thinking of you and wishing the very best for you.
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I think this is more of an accurate description. The people I went out with are by and large lovely people. But I think the factor of them being my subordinates at work, tends to make me project the most positive version of myself rather than be my whole self and I think it just drained me almost instantly.

I don't want to say I exaggerated last night because I genuinely felt it, but I've been ok today. I've spent the day with visiting family and it's been nice to catch up (and maybe take my mind off my every day world).

I've got a bit of a strange feeling of self worth tonight. I had an encounter this evening that I won't go into detail on but I went out of my way to do a really good deed for a stranger in distress. I did it for no other reason than to help because I could, but I've got a real warm and fuzzy feeling from it. I know I'm a good person and I helped another good person who was having a bad night.

Thanks to all who responded on here last night, it's really helpful to see comments from people who understand.
 
S.S.R.. said:
Can on only speak for myself, but I've often blamed myself for not doing well socially, when instead of pulling myself to bits I should've done more to seek out more like-minded people.

In my own case, even socialising with those I mesh well with and where interacting doesn't feel like a chore still is emotionally draining to some degree and I have to have plenty of time alone to recharge my batteries, so to speak.

Think the key is to start questioning yourself honestly as to why you feel empty. What is it that isn't there that you wished was? As long as it only exists in a vague negative feeling with no identifiable cause, you can't do much to correct it; other than avoiding the thing that makes you feel that way, which can be the right or wrong thing to do, depending on what exactly it is. It's too complicated and personal to have a one solution fixes all.
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Absolutely. And that feeling you do get sometimes when you have made the effort to gussy yersel up and go out. That what the eff am I doing here, rabbit caught in headlights type thing can be terrifying as well as soul sapping.

What is it? What the hell is it? Why do I feel yhis way? Why can't I "fix" it is the hardest thing to fathom out ever.

Very often all we can do is plod on and hope to hell it doesn't overwhelm us.
 
I've got no right to post here as I am very selfish and one way traffic but tonight something just feels really dark. Don't know what's triggered it but everything just all of a sudden seems grim and desperate.
Nathan Gunn said:
I have these thoughts occasionally. I'm the middle child of 3 brothers. My older brother is 26 and youngest one is still a bairn (14) still living at home. Me and my older brother have both moved out and have our own houses. Difference though is i've got a fiance and 2 kids, he's single and has always struggled for friends so doesn't really have a social life. Other than going to the match ever other week he does nothing else outside of work. So my parents make an effort all the time to see him and make sure he's not "left on his own", he regularly spends nights back home at my parents house. If SAFC are at home, his weekend is go to the match on saturday, then jump in the car with my dad to go back to mams. He'll then stay over, have sunday dinner the next day, then get dropped back home late sunday evening. He doesn't drive either so they just taxi him around which really annoys me. If i ever ask for a lift (for a night out for example) there's every chance my mam would have an excuse. That's hard to take when i see him getting lifts every week for no reason other than to stop him being lonely!

They invited me and the kids to meet them at a pub for breakfast yesterday, i assumed the older brother would also be meeting us there. But they turned up with him already in the car (he's stayed the night at home again the night before). This pub was 10 minutes walk from his flat. So rather than just stay at his house overnight and meet us for breakfast, he still got a lift back to mams to sleep there.

I think because they know i have a life away from them now they don't seem to bother anymore unless I initiate it. There have been times i've asked if they'd be able to have the kids overnight occasionally and they've said they can't as the older brother is staying over and taking the spare room.

I've often thought about just telling them where to go and living my life - but then i see my kids love seeing them and spending time with them. So i don't think i could ever do it, but my life certainly wouldn't suffer
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I'm being a complete hypocrite here considering my relationship with my mother and my siblings but I can see your parents point of view here as well as understanding why it would wind you up.

I've alienated myself from my immediate family for what I think are justified but I have to say it is lonely at times and that is on me.
 
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The Breen Machine said:
Any suggestions on something to aid sleep? Something I could pick up in a supermarket or chemist today maybe? Haven’t had more than about 4 hours sleep for a month and my breathing is all over with anxiety.
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Feel your pain. Sleep and me are enemies

Only thing that works for me is my 2 X prescribed SSRIs

Am an expert now. Never found Nytol or Sominex over the counter that good but got to be worth a try. Years ago I mixed Sominex with gin and I was absolutely buggered the next day so self medicating with additional alcohol not a good idea

Rang the docs about 6 months ago and said I hadn't been sleeping for weeks and I was really feeling it

I'll prescribe something [insert drug name]. Was a box of Sominex. Cheers doc. That's cost me the price of a prescription when I could have bought it in Boots for about £3. Boots do their own brand Nytol which is cheaper but the same stuff. Supermarket chemist will have them too

Sweet dreams 😴
 
The Breen Machine said:
Any suggestions on something to aid sleep? Something I could pick up in a supermarket or chemist today maybe? Haven’t had more than about 4 hours sleep for a month and my breathing is all over with anxiety.
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Isn't there a certain anti histimine (?) That makes you really drowsy?

Now I am saying this because I get prescribed sleeping pills on a semi regular basis and sometimes after a few weeks if still not OK Dr prescribes these for me. Old old school anti histimine I think. Anyway might be worth talking to your dr
 
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Just pondering some of the posts above about relationsips

I fell out with two people last week - family and wider family of sorts. Or they fell out with me. Not that it was me causing it. More me reacting to repeated negative influences

Was Thursday night I was thinking that's me with little contact with anyone else for a wee bit

Think it was a relief. But also a growing realisation I have to find a new social circle.

At 47 I don't fancy advancing into older age largely on my total tod. That's not healthy but probably all too common
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
I've got no right to post here as I am very selfish and one way traffic but tonight something just feels really dark. Don't know what's triggered it but everything just all of a sudden seems grim and desperate.

I'm being a complete hypocrite here considering my relationship with my mother and my siblings but I can see your parents point of view here as well as understanding why it would wind you up.

I've alienated myself from my immediate family for what I think are justified but I have to say it is lonely at times and that is on me.
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Ps. Hope you feel a bit brighter

The unexplained dark dips might be the worst. Like why on earth do I feel this bad? And how do I overcome them when I don't even know why am in a bad place?

All I seem to do is tell myself it'll pass. But the hoping for it to pass isn't very nice
 
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de Ruyter said:
Just pondering some of the posts above about relationsips

I fell out with two people last week - family and wider family of sorts. Or they fell out with me. Not that it was me causing it. More me reacting to repeated negative influences

Was Thursday night I was thinking that's me with little contact with anyone else for a wee bit

Think it was a relief. But also a growing realisation I have to find a new social circle.

At 47 I don't fancy advancing into older age largely on my total tod. That's not healthy but probably all too common

Ps. Hope you feel a bit brighter

The unexplained dark dips might be the worst. Like why on earth do I feel this bad? And how do I overcome them when I don't even know why am in a bad place?

All I seem to do is tell myself it'll pass. But the hoping for it to pass isn't very nice
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Yep I had a good day yesterday then something minor really got to me and has ruined it all. Woke up to absolute chaos at home so this day hasn't started well. Going to take the dog out for a decent walk and hope that helps.
 
15 months sober and discharged from mental health services this week 😎
Processed some childhood trauma that I had only told two people about until very recently


CPLforever said:
Isn't there a certain anti histimine (?) That makes you really drowsy?

Now I am saying this because I get prescribed sleeping pills on a semi regular basis and sometimes after a few weeks if still not OK Dr prescribes these for me. Old old school anti histimine I think. Anyway might be worth talking to your dr
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Promethazine

The Mole said:
Anyone on here prescribe Lithium?

My Dr. mentioned this to me and it was the first I’d heard of it. Any advice would be welcome?
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👋Send a PM if you want marra
 
de Ruyter said:
Brill. Hope the week goes well. Same to all
Funny this thread. Never get notifications
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I do, just got a notification of your post?????

I think it is a bit of an catch-all thread in terms of mental health (not that I think that is necessarily a bad thing) not just depression. Certainly the way people explain how they feel seems to suggest other things are going on in people's lives, like anxiety, reactive depression, even maybe bipolar and BPD.

Not that the differences matter like because it is always about how this impacts on a person's day to day living. Having something like anxiety BPD in fact any health issue can lead to depression.

Sorry if this seems like a ramble.....just thinking out loud.
 
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