Depression

[becs]

Thanks for the message. It really helps. I totally agree with you and I feel that this is the correct way to put it forward. I feel I should speak out rather than just hide.

Your little speak has put me in a positive mood!

How you feeling now?

Been of the setralin for a few months now. It was amazing having an emotional dynamic range again. However, Christmas is my tough time. f***ing hate it. Felt the dark clouds rolling in since mid November. Two years ago, my first alone since splitting up from the Mrs (no), I spent the day completely on my own. It was brilliant. This year, new partner (again, no) is doing her family thing and I'm invited. Will go, but dreading it.

Dreading it too to be honest. Keep strong and we'll get through it. Just think of it as a day where you can relax and enjoy the company of your other half and her family.

Hi all I still check this thread from time to time after suffering from anxiety and depression a few year back... I found myself lying on the sitting room floor on xmas morning and hearing a voice saying "f*ck it" I must have said it out loud as both my missus and mam looked at me very strange... Since that day I've started a new job (as has the missus) cut back on the wine and come off the medication. With time, support and medication we can all beat thi horrible illness.. I still find myself getting abit chewed from time to time but both my familiy (and my mates who I was embarissed to talk to) put me back on track.

That's brilliant news and I'm really pleased that things have sorted themselves out for you. It's helpful for others to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if they can't quite see it yet.

 

[Jorrd93]

Had an absolutely terrible day today. I will get through it but not without my mind constantly telling me it'll be easier and better on everyone else if I just put an end to my story. If it wasn't for my girlfriend and the financial difficulties I would leave her in i'd be long gone like. Not got much to ask, and I wish I was in a better spot to give some positive advice for others but i'm not there yet.

Also, does anybody else feel selfish as fuck posting in here? It does help to get it off your chest a bit but I find myself waiting for nobody else having problems/trouble to post so I don't steal any attention... f***ing hell.

 

[becs]

Had an absolutely terrible day today. I will get through it but not without my mind constantly telling me it'll be easier and better on everyone else if I just put an end to my story. If it wasn't for my girlfriend and the financial difficulties I would leave her in i'd be long gone like. Not got much to ask, and I wish I was in a better spot to give some positive advice for others but i'm not there yet.

Also, does anybody else feel selfish as fuck posting in here? It does help to get it off your chest a bit but I find myself waiting for nobody else having problems/trouble to post so I don't steal any attention... f***ing hell.

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day. Have a hug xx

I know how you feel about posting on here. When I was poorly last year, sometimes I'd rev up to post something, then by the time I decided to post it, someone else had posted something else and I felt like I didn't want to interrupt. Daft isn't it?!

 

[Black Cat Gypsy]

How you feeling now?


Dreading it too to be honest. Keep strong and we'll get through it. Just think of it as a day where you can relax and enjoy the company of your other half and her family.


That's brilliant news and I'm really pleased that things have sorted themselves out for you. It's helpful for others to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if they can't quite see it yet.

I'm feeling much better. I'm going to see my GP and the work doctor tomorrow. I've spoke to them today. It was nice to speak to people on here too.

 

[becs]

I'm feeling much better. I'm going to see my GP and the work doctor tomorrow. I've spoke to them today. It was nice to speak to people on here too.

Best of luck with the appointments xx

 

[Jorrd93]

Sorry to hear you've had a bad day. Have a hug xx

I know how you feel about posting on here. When I was poorly last year, sometimes I'd rev up to post something, then by the time I decided to post it, someone else had posted something else and I felt like I didn't want to interrupt. Daft isn't it?!

It's ridiculous like, cheers for the message, you've got a massive heart and you're helping a lot of people in this thread - thanks Becs

 

[chrismisterx]

I have debated for awhile if I should say anything on this thread or not, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff and maybe sharing here will make things easier?

I found out a few weeks ago what I thought of as a normal life was far from normal, I didn't realise that I was suffering from metal health problems, I just thought I was a moody person, a bit anti social but it all come to ahead a few months ago.

I have been suffering for as long as I can remember with quite a range of different health problems ( bleeding when going to toilet, going often for wee's that short of thing, doctors checked me out, couldn't find anything wrong, had the full MoT, which ment having a cam up the bum and down the water works, I though it was just a part of getting old.

Been a stay at home dad, while my wife worked and hadn't noticed that I was leaving the house less and less, lost touch with my mates and it got to the point I wasn't leaving the house for weeks at a time, it all seemed normal to me, then my youngest turned 18 and I decided it was time to restart my life so to speak, get a little job and help out with the money side of things now the kids were grown up ( money had been tight living on one wage )

That's when it all came to ahead, I hadn't noticed that I was using drink as a crutch when stressed and the only time I had left the house was when I had no other choice, so there was a family day out, we left together and went to the pictures, all of a sudden it felt like the place was closing in on me, film had just started and I just had this feeling off dread and I had to just get out of there, so left my family and run out side where I collapsed and people thought I had a heart attack, lucky it wasn't it was just my first panic attack, that's when it dawned on me something was really wrong, long story short and a change of doctors lead to me being told I was suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. My new doctor also explained all the physical problems ( bleeding, toilet issues, sickness and sleepless nights etc ) were all symptoms of this and that from the sounds of things I had been suffering for years.

I have been in touch with talking therapies and started an online thing, but that made things worse and I have been took off this now and am on a waiting list to speak to them face to face with regards PTSD, my doctor wants me to take pills and this in its self has caused a few problems, he wants me to take some SSi's , some kind of beta blockers and I think something to help when the panic attacks start, but I am unsure about the pills and my wife isn't keen on them either, plus to be honest I just don't thing I could afford the costs, my wifes hours at work have been reduced atm and I cant justify the prescription costs , on a plus side my panic attacks are more manageable and since I am back to not leaving the house much at all makes life easier while I wait for the appointment.

phew, this post is all over the shop, but I have been told I have to try and share my feelings more but I find it really hard to speak to my wife about it and don't really know anyone else, its why I spend so much time on here reading stuff.

 

[Deleted member 40035]

I have debated for awhile if I should say anything on this thread or not, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff and maybe sharing here will make things easier?

I found out a few weeks ago what I thought of as a normal life was far from normal, I didn't realise that I was suffering from metal health problems, I just thought I was a moody person, a bit anti social but it all come to ahead a few months ago.

I have been suffering for as long as I can remember with quite a range of different health problems ( bleeding when going to toilet, going often for wee's that short of thing, doctors checked me out, couldn't find anything wrong, had the full MoT, which ment having a cam up the bum and down the water works, I though it was just a part of getting old.

Been a stay at home dad, while my wife worked and hadn't noticed that I was leaving the house less and less, lost touch with my mates and it got to the point I wasn't leaving the house for weeks at a time, it all seemed normal to me, then my youngest turned 18 and I decided it was time to restart my life so to speak, get a little job and help out with the money side of things now the kids were grown up ( money had been tight living on one wage )

That's when it all came to ahead, I hadn't noticed that I was using drink as a crutch when stressed and the only time I had left the house was when I had no other choice, so there was a family day out, we left together and went to the pictures, all of a sudden it felt like the place was closing in on me, film had just started and I just had this feeling off dread and I had to just get out of there, so left my family and run out side where I collapsed and people thought I had a heart attack, lucky it wasn't it was just my first panic attack, that's when it dawned on me something was really wrong, long story short and a change of doctors lead to me being told I was suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. My new doctor also explained all the physical problems ( bleeding, toilet issues, sickness and sleepless nights etc ) were all symptoms of this and that from the sounds of things I had been suffering for years.

I have been in touch with talking therapies and started an online thing, but that made things worse and I have been took off this now and am on a waiting list to speak to them face to face with regards PTSD, my doctor wants me to take pills and this in its self has caused a few problems, he wants me to take some SSi's , some kind of beta blockers and I think something to help when the panic attacks start, but I am unsure about the pills and my wife isn't keen on them either, plus to be honest I just don't thing I could afford the costs, my wifes hours at work have been reduced atm and I cant justify the prescription costs , on a plus side my panic attacks are more manageable and since I am back to not leaving the house much at all makes life easier while I wait for the appointment.

phew, this post is all over the shop, but I have been told I have to try and share my feelings more but I find it really hard to speak to my wife about it and don't really know anyone else, its why I spend so much time on here reading stuff.

You're not alone mate, It took me ages to admit to the open world what I was going through but when I did I felt loads better. I have suffered with depression anxiety/panic attacks. Like you I had a panic attack and passed out but I was at work and one time I had to ditch my shopping in asda and ran out the place thinking I was going to die. I used the talking therapy and it really helped me and I'm also on Citalopram, the tablets started working after a few weeks but the initial side effect had me all over the place but the side effects vanished after a few weeks. I use drink as a crutch even though I know its not helping I really enjoy a good drink.
I've told all my friends/family and work about it and I even talk to my manager about the suicidal thoughts I was having. Openness about mental health is a great thing as suffering in silence just added to the pain I was in.

 

[becs]

I have debated for awhile if I should say anything on this thread or not, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff and maybe sharing here will make things easier?

I found out a few weeks ago what I thought of as a normal life was far from normal, I didn't realise that I was suffering from metal health problems, I just thought I was a moody person, a bit anti social but it all come to ahead a few months ago.

I have been suffering for as long as I can remember with quite a range of different health problems ( bleeding when going to toilet, going often for wee's that short of thing, doctors checked me out, couldn't find anything wrong, had the full MoT, which ment having a cam up the bum and down the water works, I though it was just a part of getting old.

Been a stay at home dad, while my wife worked and hadn't noticed that I was leaving the house less and less, lost touch with my mates and it got to the point I wasn't leaving the house for weeks at a time, it all seemed normal to me, then my youngest turned 18 and I decided it was time to restart my life so to speak, get a little job and help out with the money side of things now the kids were grown up ( money had been tight living on one wage )

That's when it all came to ahead, I hadn't noticed that I was using drink as a crutch when stressed and the only time I had left the house was when I had no other choice, so there was a family day out, we left together and went to the pictures, all of a sudden it felt like the place was closing in on me, film had just started and I just had this feeling off dread and I had to just get out of there, so left my family and run out side where I collapsed and people thought I had a heart attack, lucky it wasn't it was just my first panic attack, that's when it dawned on me something was really wrong, long story short and a change of doctors lead to me being told I was suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. My new doctor also explained all the physical problems ( bleeding, toilet issues, sickness and sleepless nights etc ) were all symptoms of this and that from the sounds of things I had been suffering for years.

I have been in touch with talking therapies and started an online thing, but that made things worse and I have been took off this now and am on a waiting list to speak to them face to face with regards PTSD, my doctor wants me to take pills and this in its self has caused a few problems, he wants me to take some SSi's , some kind of beta blockers and I think something to help when the panic attacks start, but I am unsure about the pills and my wife isn't keen on them either, plus to be honest I just don't thing I could afford the costs, my wifes hours at work have been reduced atm and I cant justify the prescription costs , on a plus side my panic attacks are more manageable and since I am back to not leaving the house much at all makes life easier while I wait for the appointment.

phew, this post is all over the shop, but I have been told I have to try and share my feelings more but I find it really hard to speak to my wife about it and don't really know anyone else, its why I spend so much time on here reading stuff.

That sounds like you've had a really rough time. Sorry to hear that. Have you got a coping strategy for the panic attacks? You need to find something unique to you that you can do to advert them. Mine is singing an old Sunday school song in my head. I just really focus on the words and being brave (as that's what the song is about!) and it helps me get through it. Once you get on top of managing them and coping better, you will find it easier to go places.

Did you know about NHS prepayment certificates for prescriptions? You can take out a yearly one for £104 but pay for it over 10 months at £10.40 a month. That will be cheaper than paying for each item as I think it's about £9 for each thing now. There's also help for those on low incomes. Have a read of here to see if it's applicable to you based on your wife's lower salary NHS Low Income Scheme (LIS)

Keep talking. We're all here to help you get through this xx

 

[chrismisterx]

You're not alone mate, It took me ages to admit to the open world what I was going through but when I did I felt loads better. I have suffered with depression anxiety/panic attacks. Like you I had a panic attack and passed out but I was at work and one time I had to ditch my shopping in asda and ran out the place thinking I was going to die. I used the talking therapy and it really helped me and I'm also on Citalopram, the tablets started working after a few weeks but the initial side effect had me all over the place but the side effects vanished after a few weeks. I use drink as a crutch even though I know its not helping I really enjoy a good drink.
I've told all my friends/family and work about it and I even talk to my manager about the suicidal thoughts I was having. Openness about mental health is a great thing as suffering in silence just added to the pain I was in.

Thank you for the reply, been debating for weeks about posting here or not was worried about how to get whats in my head across without sounding daft, but its a big relief that I took leap and did, been blown away by some very touching PM's that's really lifted my mood, I am pleased talking therapy helped you, I tied the CBT online course and it wasn't right for me atm, they are going to try something else to combat the PTSD first and relook at the CBT in the future, but the staff I have spoke to so far have been fantastic, just a long waiting list atm.

That sounds like you've had a really rough time. Sorry to hear that. Have you got a coping strategy for the panic attacks? You need to find something unique to you that you can do to advert them. Mine is singing an old Sunday school song in my head. I just really focus on the words and being brave (as that's what the song is about!) and it helps me get through it. Once you get on top of managing them and coping better, you will find it easier to go places.

Did you know about NHS prepayment certificates for prescriptions? You can take out a yearly one for £104 but pay for it over 10 months at £10.40 a month. That will be cheaper than paying for each item as I think it's about £9 for each thing now. There's also help for those on low incomes. Have a read of here to see if it's applicable to you based on your wife's lower salary NHS Low Income Scheme (LIS)

Keep talking. We're all here to help you get through this xx

Thank you Bec's, to be honest your wonderful supporting posts and others on this thread which helped me decide to share to be honest, you really do seem be such a wonderful person and so brave, in this day and age of rush rush rush, so nice to meet people online who are willing to spare their time to help others. Even though I have only decided to post now, its been so helpful reading the stories and seeing I am not some kind of freak that should just suck it up, I was brought up with the "men don't cry" mentality so been tough coming to terms that to get better I have to share my feelings.

With my panic attacks I tend to just sit down and work on my breathing, I downloaded an app to try and learn how to control my breathing better and it has helped a bit, I didn't know about the NHS Low income scheme and will look in to that, but we are both confused about pills and such and I was hoping to avoid them, as I didn't want to get hooked on the things, I am hoping when I get to speak to the mental health team me and my wife can get more information about it, my doctor had said I could end up having to take pills for life which scared the hell out of me to be honest.

 

[becs]

but we are both confused about pills and such and I was hoping to avoid them, as I didn't want to get hooked on the things, I am hoping when I get to speak to the mental health team me and my wife can get more information about it, my doctor had said I could end up having to take pills for life which scared the hell out of me to be honest.

It's a personal thing that mind. I understand your reluctance to take them, but they can and do help many people. There's plenty other people on all sorts of other medication for various health reasons. You wouldn't think twice about taking an antibiotic if you were diagnosed with an infection or Imodium if you had the squits. This is a similar thing, but it's just your brain is poorly and it might need a tablet to fix it. Do find out more information about them though so you can make an informed choice. There's plenty on here been on various drugs so I'm sure someone can put your mind at rest if you're still concerned.

 

[Curlyteeth]

It's a personal thing that mind. I understand your reluctance to take them, but they can and do help many people. There's plenty other people on all sorts of other medication for various health reasons. You wouldn't think twice about taking an antibiotic if you were diagnosed with an infection or Imodium if you had the squits. This is a similar thing, but it's just your brain is poorly and it might need a tablet to fix it. Do find out more information about them though so you can make an informed choice. There's plenty on here been on various drugs so I'm sure someone can put your mind at rest if you're still concerned.

Re the pills most people don't like the idea of taking them or being on them a long time. But they stop me tipping over the edge when things are bad. If I have bad anxiety I don't utterly crash cos the pills buffer it like a crutch. No, they don't make everything better, but they stop them being terrible when things are bad. That can give you the space you need to get stronger

 

[NewAdventuresInWiFi]

Superb little documentary, It’s Not That Funny.
The part near the end - Chris Gethard & his dads ‘interview’ .
Just so universally relatable that feeling of regret.

 

[SPUFF]

Thank you for the reply, been debating for weeks about posting here or not was worried about how to get whats in my head across without sounding daft, but its a big relief that I took leap and did, been blown away by some very touching PM's that's really lifted my mood, I am pleased talking therapy helped you, I tied the CBT online course and it wasn't right for me atm, they are going to try something else to combat the PTSD first and relook at the CBT in the future, but the staff I have spoke to so far have been fantastic, just a long waiting list atm.


Thank you Bec's, to be honest your wonderful supporting posts and others on this thread which helped me decide to share to be honest, you really do seem be such a wonderful person and so brave, in this day and age of rush rush rush, so nice to meet people online who are willing to spare their time to help others. Even though I have only decided to post now, its been so helpful reading the stories and seeing I am not some kind of freak that should just suck it up, I was brought up with the "men don't cry" mentality so been tough coming to terms that to get better I have to share my feelings.

With my panic attacks I tend to just sit down and work on my breathing, I downloaded an app to try and learn how to control my breathing better and it has helped a bit, I didn't know about the NHS Low income scheme and will look in to that, but we are both confused about pills and such and I was hoping to avoid them, as I didn't want to get hooked on the things, I am hoping when I get to speak to the mental health team me and my wife can get more information about it, my doctor had said I could end up having to take pills for life which scared the hell out of me to be honest.

Good look Chris, we’vejust done a cbt course as one of our bairns suffers from anxiety.
Sooner you can get into that the better, loads related to feelings id suffered too.
The staff were brilliant.

Re the pills most people don't like the idea of taking them or being on them a long time. But they stop me tipping over the edge when things are bad. If I have bad anxiety I don't utterly crash cos the pills buffer it like a crutch. No, they don't make everything better, but they stop them being terrible when things are bad. That can give you the space you need to get stronger

Many moons back I was put on some, read horror stories n binned them but know plenty who theyve helped.

No one fit I guess.

The mental thing about stress is I had no major comitments then, no business, no kids. Totally unexplainable at the time. Nightmare.

Good luck all.

 

[Hyltonian]

Can anyone who's done CBT post how it's worked for them, what the techniques are etc?

 

[SPUFF]

Can anyone who's done CBT post how it's worked for them, what the techniques are etc?

This might be of no use as it was aimed at kids but it was a six week course with reading inbetween n a lot of chat about eachothers problems/experiences mate.

A lot of focus was on why humans have anxiety, the kind of addiction you can get to getting assurances, and building up the tools to battle these shitty thoughts.

id recomend the book but it was aimed at kids (though were very very similar).

 

[Hyltonian]

This might be of no use as it was aimed at kids but it was a six week course with reading inbetween n a lot of chat about eachothers problems/experiences mate.

A lot of focus was on why humans have anxiety, the kind of addiction you can get to getting assurances, and building up the tools to battle these shitty thoughts.

id recomend the book but it was aimed at kids (though were very very similar).

Cheers pal, I need to really get all over that, on tablets for anxiety (it sounds such a stupid condition doesn't it? - The struggle is real though ) and have had CBT offered to me, but parked it as the tablets seem to be doing the trick. Just wondering what other peoples experiences have been like of it. Think I was daunted at the thought of it to be honest. ...

 

[Giggity]

I have debated for awhile if I should say anything on this thread or not, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff and maybe sharing here will make things easier?

I found out a few weeks ago what I thought of as a normal life was far from normal, I didn't realise that I was suffering from metal health problems, I just thought I was a moody person, a bit anti social but it all come to ahead a few months ago.

I have been suffering for as long as I can remember with quite a range of different health problems ( bleeding when going to toilet, going often for wee's that short of thing, doctors checked me out, couldn't find anything wrong, had the full MoT, which ment having a cam up the bum and down the water works, I though it was just a part of getting old.

Been a stay at home dad, while my wife worked and hadn't noticed that I was leaving the house less and less, lost touch with my mates and it got to the point I wasn't leaving the house for weeks at a time, it all seemed normal to me, then my youngest turned 18 and I decided it was time to restart my life so to speak, get a little job and help out with the money side of things now the kids were grown up ( money had been tight living on one wage )

That's when it all came to ahead, I hadn't noticed that I was using drink as a crutch when stressed and the only time I had left the house was when I had no other choice, so there was a family day out, we left together and went to the pictures, all of a sudden it felt like the place was closing in on me, film had just started and I just had this feeling off dread and I had to just get out of there, so left my family and run out side where I collapsed and people thought I had a heart attack, lucky it wasn't it was just my first panic attack, that's when it dawned on me something was really wrong, long story short and a change of doctors lead to me being told I was suffering from PTSD, anxiety and depression. My new doctor also explained all the physical problems ( bleeding, toilet issues, sickness and sleepless nights etc ) were all symptoms of this and that from the sounds of things I had been suffering for years.

I have been in touch with talking therapies and started an online thing, but that made things worse and I have been took off this now and am on a waiting list to speak to them face to face with regards PTSD, my doctor wants me to take pills and this in its self has caused a few problems, he wants me to take some SSi's , some kind of beta blockers and I think something to help when the panic attacks start, but I am unsure about the pills and my wife isn't keen on them either, plus to be honest I just don't thing I could afford the costs, my wifes hours at work have been reduced atm and I cant justify the prescription costs , on a plus side my panic attacks are more manageable and since I am back to not leaving the house much at all makes life easier while I wait for the appointment.

phew, this post is all over the shop, but I have been told I have to try and share my feelings more but I find it really hard to speak to my wife about it and don't really know anyone else, its why I spend so much time on here reading stuff.

really good post. Glad that you've shared it - I know writing it down helped me to understand what was really going on, rather than just "trying to get by all the time" and ignoring it until next time.

There's certainly bits in there that are familiar to me - although a lot that's not at all, sorry to hear about all the physical symptoms, that must be awful for you - fingers crossed that things start to improve.

Don't get hung up on the "correct" way to fix this. There's no right answers - it is a bit trial and error frankly. I'm just coming off SSRI's at the moment - no idea if they worked for me or were just a placebo, but I'm vastly better than 18 months ago, and by January, I'll be off the meds entirely (assuming I don't relapse!). So don't rule things out - be open to accepting help in whatever form might work. But definitely make your own choices - hope that's not a mixed message!

Becs already mentioned prescription certificates, and that's a good idea. I didn't enjoy the online CBT course either, I felt too detached from it especially as my default coping strategy was to ignore - its very easy to ignore an online course!

Best of luck mate.

Cheers pal, I need to really get all over that, on tablets for anxiety (it sounds such a stupid condition doesn't it? - The struggle is real though ) and have had CBT offered to me, but parked it as the tablets seem to be doing the trick. Just wondering what other peoples experiences have been like of it. Think I was daunted at the thought of it to be honest. ...

My experience only: If you don't commit to it, I don't think it really works. You get out what you put in - I failed miserably at this. Did me no harm though, and just taking some time to think about things probably helped at the time.

 

[Jorrd93]

Can anyone who's done CBT post how it's worked for them, what the techniques are etc?

I'm doing it at the moment, if you want me to send me you the PDFs over just message me your e-mail in private on here and I'll forward them over.

 

[chrismisterx]

Good look Chris, we’vejust done a cbt course as one of our bairns suffers from anxiety.
Sooner you can get into that the better, loads related to feelings id suffered too.
The staff were brilliant.

Thank you, The CBT stuff is something my support worker wants me to try again to do, but this time face to face, but she is also advising that I need to get a handle on what's causing my PTSD, long waiting list, so just have to grim and bare it for now.

really good post. Glad that you've shared it - I know writing it down helped me to understand what was really going on, rather than just "trying to get by all the time" and ignoring it until next time.

I was really worried about sharing, it has really helped, but caused a bit of a side effect, I decided to share a bit more with my wife and it really upset her, I had and have been hiding the worst of it from her, but after writing on here and feeling better for it decided to be more open and that was a big mistake.

I suppose its easier sharing to strangers sometimes, I know just the fact this thread was here helped me tons, just stuck in no mans land ATM, waiting for my appointment, I don't want to talk to wife anymore about this stuff ATM as me opening up really did scare here and made her worry.

Been up and down like a bloody yo-yo last few days, from too happy to too sad, its the stupid things that sets me off atm, most likely the silly seasons fault, for example the other day my father in law got my wife a cracking xmas present, a trip away in the summer, all paid for with a canny bit spending money, which is fantastic as She hasn't had a break for Christ, 6-7 years, so I was over the moon for her, but then I just felt really shitty as it made my little xmas gift look shite and then i just hit a downer feeling useless as I couldnt afford to get the gifts she deserves, silly I know, but ended up being really upset about it all.

Like i say its the stupid sillest little things that just really gets to me at times.

anyway thanks for listening, waited until everyone was in bed to just vent on here a little, trying really hard to not bottle things up, surprising how helpful just typing my ramblings out is.