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Grieving

My dad died unexpectedly 3 years back and I still haven't grieved or even know how i am meant to feel about it tbh. My family are very unemotional, dealing with them is like talking about business at work. It was just dealt with as a very matter of fact thing by my family, no proper funeral, and everyone moved on quickly. Ive not cried a tear over it and 3 years on it just seems like a weird moment that happened.
 

There's a lot of good honest and poignant thoughts about loved ones who've died. Personally I feel guilty when I haven't even thought about mam and dad. I always think"your forgetting them". Grieving is a way of demonstrating our love for them. Very true about how we all grieve differently. My dad drank himself to death, mum had a stroke and sometimes I get angry at my dad not being around. It's all "ok" I think. It's our way of coping. Loved the "my dad would look nice in that jumper ", thought. Loved that and says it all really. I've been a psychy nurse for 30 years and seen my share of "bad stuff" but it's the human spirit and character people show when being put " through the ringer". It's inspiring. There's no text book, guide ir rules to follow. It's all good and we do what works.
 
Weird thing with my dad dying and me feeling unemotional, is i still get a little upset about a friend of mine who died 15 years ago. Had been friends since school age, not see each other regularly but knew we would always bump into each other every few weeks and would have a catchup or go for a beer. She died and I didnt know. I only found out a month after the funeral. Still feel rotten about it.
 
There's no right or wrong way, imo. But if you're still significantly struggling after a year, definitely reach out and consider professional grief counselling.

There's absolutely loads of support agencies out there, from generic grief/bereavement counselling offered by the like of CRUSE to very specific groups and charities depending on relationships or causes.
The Sunderland Counselling Service have decent little list but there's countless others.
You must be logged on to see external links
 
I lost my mam in the early hours of this morning, held her hand as she took her last breaths, her decline over 3-4 days was frightening, but knowing she’d been battling cancer without knowing on her own for months is a testament to the person she was. I don’t want to talk about her not being here but it’s all I want to talk about at the same time. She could no longer use her phone from Thursday onwards, the thought of her not reading my messages and being unable to respond to me was heartbreaking. Really struggled to leave her at the hospital, the last confirmation that she was gone really. I’m sure the tears will dry at some point, the overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness I’m not so sure. I now understand those people who post on social media about passed relatives.
 
Coming up to 7 years since my nan on my mam’s side passed away. Absolute treasure she was, proper lads fan and an old fashioned mackem. Choked up in Wembley when we went up thinking about her. She never got to see me grow into a proper man and reach the milestones I have. Miss her all the time, comes to me at strange moments as well. Feels like grief is always round the corner some days
 
Lost our daughter 15 years back. This quote rings so true to me.

“When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.”
― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany
 
Zweiguys said:
Lost our daughter 15 years back. This quote rings so true to me.

“When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.”
― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany
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I only wish there was a ❤️ reaction and not just a thumbs up.

It’s so true what you posted.

I lost my sister in her early 30’s and my brother lost his daughter at 5 months old ((over 20 years ago). You don’t just roll over one day and all of a sudden everything is ok again. I always admire his strength, and yours too!
 
Pat Mustard said:
I lost my mam in the early hours of this morning, held her hand as she took her last breaths, her decline over 3-4 days was frightening, but knowing she’d been battling cancer without knowing on her own for months is a testament to the person she was. I don’t want to talk about her not being here but it’s all I want to talk about at the same time. She could no longer use her phone from Thursday onwards, the thought of her not reading my messages and being unable to respond to me was heartbreaking. Really struggled to leave her at the hospital, the last confirmation that she was gone really. I’m sure the tears will dry at some point, the overwhelming feeling of sadness and emptiness I’m not so sure. I now understand those people who post on social media about passed relatives.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how comforting it must have been, for her, to have you sitting by her side holding her hand and one day, doesn't matter if it's sooner or later, you will be able to take comfort from that fact too.
 
My dad passed away quite suddenly 31st of march after being in hospital for 5-6 weeks last game we won was the 3-0 against millwall the subsequent next 5 however were diabolical. I think he was just testing us though as he’d of been smiling down on us for the play off games. Grief is a very personal thing I believe as has been said previously there’s no right way or wrong way to do it. Me and my sister have found going to the footy tough somewhat as it what all 3 of us have in common and by god when Elvis gets belted out the speakers at the SOL it gets us both knowing he’d have been singing his heart out like the rest of us
 
Lost my dad on 31 st March aged 93. I knew it was coming and rationalised the finality of it. Cracked on arranging the funeral etc. At the Play Off final whistle it really hit me as he would have loved it. I miss him and as stated in other posts it’s when you want to talk to them and realise they’re not there it hits you.
 
Lord Nigle said:
Lost my dad on 31 st March aged 93. I knew it was coming and rationalised the finality of it. Cracked on arranging the funeral etc. At the Play Off final whistle it really hit me as he would have loved it. I miss him and as stated in other posts it’s when you want to talk to them and realise they’re not there it hits you.
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Have a hug from me, mate. Don’t stop talking to him, he hasn’t left you.
 
I've always said grief is the strongest of all emotions, not least from what it can teach us about how we ought to treat each other all the time.

It never ceases to amaze me that world leaders - Putin, Netanyahu, Trump, et al... are all old enough to have experienced grief numerous times but don't seem to have learned a thing about how to look after other people.
 
MigsGoalKicks said:
5 months on for me.

Think about him all the time. Dreading the dark nights. Mental health has been shite since I can remember but not looking forward to get through it without my dad, my best mate.
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I dreamt about my da last night, only about the fourth time in the five years he's been gone.

Didn't want to wake up.

But, strangely enough I wasn't sad. I was glad to have met up with him again, chat, have a drink and enjoy his company.

Although we were stuck in a Celtic championship celebration so all the pubs were full ????????
 
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CPLforever said:
I dreamt about my da last night, only about the fourth time in the five years he's been gone.

Didn't want to wake up.

But, strangely enough I wasn't sad. I was glad to have met up with him again, chat, have a drink and enjoy his company.

Although we were stuck in a Celtic championship celebration so all the pubs were full ????????
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Do you believe in him coming to see you? I’ve always found myself quite spiritual. But since my dad died and he hasn’t came to see me it’s changed my outlook.

My mrs has loads of dreams about him. He was telling her about his broken artery caused by his op.

We’ve had statements from all the people involved in his care. Once biopsy is in we will make an official complaint.
 
MigsGoalKicks said:
Do you believe in him coming to see you? I’ve always found myself quite spiritual. But since my dad died and he hasn’t came to see me it’s changed my outlook.

My mrs has loads of dreams about him. He was telling her about his broken artery caused by his op.

We’ve had statements from all the people involved in his care. Once biopsy is in we will make an official complaint.
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Me personally no....and I get quite sad thinking I will never "see" him again. That is why every night when I switch of the light i ask him to come and visit me. Cos I will only ever see him again in my dreams.

Disappointed he doesn't appear in them more often. Glad when he does.

Oh god. I've made myself cry
 
I lost my gran day after New Year’s Day 4 years ago and my dad Xmas Eve coming up three years ago.

I’m a big believer in the afterlife but haven’t experienced anything.

I hope they just moved on and are settled.
 
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