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Becoming a dad

SPUFF said:
As a dad of 3 some great advice here.

Maybe sign of the times but my close circle of 6 mates only half of us have had kids. Late 40s now so thats unlikely to change.

While im sometimes envious of the lucky bastards without, and i respect their choices, I always feel theyve missed out on something very special.
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I’m the last one out of our group of friends.

I’ll miss the freedom, suppose everyone does, but they do all tell me it’s worth it.
 

Seaham Towny said:
First one due in early May.

Any advice?

Currently flitting between joy and crippling fear and have been the last few months.

Piss takes are welcome, feel free.
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Congratulations, its hard but worth every minute.

Time has a way of quickening up as you get older so remember and cherish the good times as they don't seem to stay young for long.

At the beginning, I found it really hard, to the point I probably had the male equivalent of post natal depression, but it was worth everything. Wouldn't change it for the world. Love the little tyke and all his mates.

Look after your missus.
 
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SPUFF said:
As a dad of 3 some great advice here.

Maybe sign of the times but my close circle of 6 mates only half of us have had kids. Late 40s now so thats unlikely to change.

While im sometimes envious of the lucky bastards without, and i respect their choices, I always feel theyve missed out on something very special.
Click to expand...

Out of the lads im still mates with from school ~91% of us have kids or have one on the way.

Can’t be the overarching trend though as birth rates, particularly among white British people, is apparently on the decline.

Key factor is all of my mates have stable, decent to well paying jobs whether it’s a trade or a profession and own their own homes.

People without that sort of life (maybe struggling a bit more) aren’t having kids I don’t think, particularly in areas where getting on the housing ladder is tough.
 
Seaham Towny said:
I’m the last one out of our group of friends.

I’ll miss the freedom, suppose everyone does, but they do all tell me it’s worth it.
Click to expand...
Congrats to you & missus.

Enjoy every single moment, your giving up your freedom to accept responsibility.

Hold your head up high and be proud, (some tough challenges coming your way though) ;)

All the best to all
 
SPUFF said:
As a dad of 3 some great advice here.

Maybe sign of the times but my close circle of 6 mates only half of us have had kids. Late 40s now so thats unlikely to change.

While im sometimes envious of the lucky bastards without, and i respect their choices, I always feel theyve missed out on something very special.
Click to expand...
If it's their own choice mate then they won't think that. I'm 43 in 10 days and no kids through choice. Very very happy with that as I have zero paternal instinct at all.
 
SPUFF said:
As a dad of 3 some great advice here.

Maybe sign of the times but my close circle of 6 mates only half of us have had kids. Late 40s now so thats unlikely to change.

While im sometimes envious of the lucky bastards without, and i respect their choices, I always feel theyve missed out on something very special.
Click to expand...
I was a dad a bit younger than I ideally wanted to be (27) but I would’ve always wanted kids. It’s an unbelievable feeling.
 
The new born baby stage is the easiest. If you work together the night feeds aren't bad.they have basic needs which, with a routine are a piece of piss to meet. once they can walk / talk / form coherent thoughts, that's when the fun begins.

It's all fantastic though, your life will change but for the better. You'll still be able to do all the things you like, but might prioritise them less. Don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake. Don't listen too much to other parents advice, you'll find your own way.
 
Seaham Towny said:
First one due in early May.

Any advice?

Currently flitting between joy and crippling fear and have been the last few months.

Piss takes are welcome, feel free.
Click to expand...
It’s class being a dad. Tiring, you never switch off, you & your lass will likely not think about each other much anymore. I love it.
 
Provider said:
Ha ha, tell me about it. Barely feel any different to when I was 23.
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That's great to hear mate, trouble is, your be like that when you hit 63..!! and then keep going mate.

I used to say that.. now im giving the "urgh" when I get up and the 'Oomph' when I pick something up.

You'll be alright..
 
Continue doing the things you enjoy now, don't change your entire life because you've got a bairn.

Get out as much as possible in the first six months as they're so portable. Pub, restaurant, holiday etc. They just sleep and don't really need to be entertained. It's good for your mental health and your relationship with your lass.

Take a month off when he arrives if you can afford it, it makes those early days so much easier and your partner will massively appreciate the extra help. Two weeks really isn't much time at all and it flies by. I wouldn't have felt right to go back to work after that.

If you can afford it, I'd really recommend taking shared parental leave towards the end of your partners maternity period. We've in the middle of 2 months off together and it's probably the best decision we've ever made. Spending a few weeks in Spain at the moment, it has been class to have this time together as a family.
 
The beauty of being a Dad at my age was in the era of stack music systems and VHS/Betamax video systems.

The old woman would shout out when the little un had legs "Put a song on/video on" of my beloved kids.

That is when you know that the little buggers are a little clever than you think as oneself would be pick out the remnants of toast stuffed into the slots of such devices.

Memories..

As for the little cherubs crying all night..

you'll still wake up and make sure they are breathing.

Its a game game changer for both mum and dad.. and should be cherished.. I miss it
 
Seaham Towny said:
I’m the last one out of our group of friends.

I’ll miss the freedom, suppose everyone does, but they do all tell me it’s worth it.
Click to expand...
100% mate.

Maddest thing is before you know it theyre up n you’re freedoms back a bit. Then the joy of a night out or lads weekend together etc.
 
Lots of good advice here. Probably two big takeaways from my experience.

First, everyone is an expert in their own kids. And they know next to nowt about anyone else's. What works for my daughter might be good your lad, but might be of no interest whatsoever. Don't get hung up on other people's advice - especially unsolicited advice.

Second, be aware that being a good dad isn't automatically the same as being a good husband. There's overlap, obviously, because you're bringing up the kid together. Try to make sure you get a bit of time to look after each other as individuals, not just as co-parents. It's hard, especially in the first few months when the baby can feel all-consuming. But even little things like a conversation about something other than children can be a huge release when you're both in the trenches.

The rest, you'll pick up as you go.
 
Another thing to consider is don't get too hung up on development milestones. They development at their own pace. From talking to other parents, what we've found is those who started walking early, started talking later & vice versa.
Owa lass gets fretty over this, at 5 weeks, it's 'why aren't you smiling' (even though it's 6 -12 weeks), then a few days later, we get smiles.
 
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