Depression

[Five-Quarter]

You ok to elaborate on how those cycles work for you? Just really interested in hearing more from others!

Yeah Ive been much better in the mornings. Hard to know why. Ive reduced my dose which might be why. My circumastances have improved. Im also now sleeping in a room with the curtains open so getting more light in the mornings plus its lighter in the mornings. Problem is when you change multi factors youve no idea which ones are making the difference.

Strange you say that as have been halfing one tablet for a while and I posted that before realising I ran out of the other last week and still forgot to start retaking yesterday after picking some up

As you say, impossible to know what the actual reason is

I just seem to switch between high as a kite (I have to tell myself to reign it in during periods at work) then at the bottom for bursts, interspersed with terror and bouts of crying (or wanting to cry when among people)

On your other points, have a feeling the daylight when going to work and a bit when coming home is helping and we all know how that affects people

 

[Turner the Cat]

I just seem to switch between high as a kite (I have to tell myself to reign it in during periods at work) then at the bottom for bursts, interspersed with terror and bouts of crying (or wanting to cry when among people)

Yeah sounds familiar. Im up and down like a yo-yo although tends to follow a pattern through the day. Is yours random or have any particular pattern?

 

[Becs]

Not just exercising, it’s basically chronic fatigue along with headaches and joint pain. If I even walk a bit I’m done in for the day.

So sorry to hear what you are going through marra. Are you ok mentally for learning things? If so, you can do short courses for free on Future Learn. Just wondering if keeping your brain active might help.

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time to join the party.

Suffered really badly with anxiety all my adult life, I started obsessing that I would have a heart attack or stroke.

About 14 years ago I ended up getting something called Guillain Barre syndrome, and spent 5 or 6 weeks in intensive care, paralysed from the head down, but still able to understand what was going on. Because I was ventilated, I was unable to speak or communicate, and after the six weeks or so, I was moved to rehab to learn how to walk again.

My health anxiety took a battering because of this, and I got into a really dark place, but my fab wife helped me through it and I eventually got some treatment for PTSD.

Over the past few years I’ve been having increasingly more pain, which has been diagnosed as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, as a result of the Guillain Barre, and the last few weeks in particular have been a bit shit.

I’ve now got flu, feel wiped out, aching like mad, and started getting really bad chest pains. Spoke to 111 and been to the hospital today, the chest pains aren’t a heart attack, but today I can’t break that cycle of, what if they’re wrong, what if I die and leave my wife and kids behind.

Deep down I know it’s pain from coughing loads and acid reflux, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve been having a heart attack for 48 hours straight.

You can’t beat a hypochondriac with a pain, can you.


That could be a great idea.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. That sounds awful. Hope the flu symptoms pass quickly so you can concentrate on getting better with the other stuff xx

 

[Drexl]

Not depression so apologies if this shouldn’t be posted here, but my anxiety has me on my knees at the minute.

There’s been a change in my home routine, which I’ve found in the past really affects me, especially when there’s a lack of routine as there is now.

I’m going to the gym, I’m eating well, avoiding alcohol but nothing is calming me down. Struggling to sleep because of it and feeling a bit helpless, also worried that the anxiety/stress will make other ailments flare up which of course leads to more anxiety and stress. Just needed to vent as I’m struggling big time.

 

[Five-Quarter]

Yeah sounds familiar. Im up and down like a yo-yo although tends to follow a pattern through the day. Is yours random or have any particular pattern?

I was just thinking about your post and thinking I might monitor the peaks and troughs for timing and reasons - or something

Not depression so apologies if this shouldn’t be posted here, but my anxiety has me on my knees at the minute.

There’s been a change in my home routine, which I’ve found in the past really affects me, especially when there’s a lack of routine as there is now.

I’m going to the gym, I’m eating well, avoiding alcohol but nothing is calming me down. Struggling to sleep because of it and feeling a bit helpless, also worried that the anxiety/stress will make other ailments flare up which of course leads to more anxiety and stress. Just needed to vent as I’m struggling big time.

Morning. change in routine throws me for days on end

I sometimes also wonder about depression-anxiety and I get why they're treated together, but also they're really quite separate things and play out very differently

If you prescribe the same stuff for both (almost always depression) then surely there's a big chance one is going to get missed

Am not convinced one bit that SSRIs do a thing for my anxiety

Maybe make it worse because I can feel/behave a bit weird

Just a thought. Hope Monday goes good

 

[Turner the Cat]

I was just thinking about your post and thinking I might monitor the peaks and troughs for timing and reasons - or something

Morning. change in routine throws me for days on end

I sometimes also wonder about depression-anxiety and I get why they're treated together, but also they're really quite separate things and play out very differently

If you prescribe the same stuff for both (almost always depression) then surely there's a big chance one is going to get missed

Am not convinced one bit that SSRIs do a thing for my anxiety

Maybe make it worse because I can feel/behave a bit weird

Just a thought. Hope Monday goes good

Would encourage you to think about asking for a change if you think the SSRIs arent working for you - either to another one or an SRNI. I think SNRIs are better for mood regulation. Thats why im switching.

I think the challenge with the NHS is youve often got to push to grt what you need I'm afraid!

Not depression so apologies if this shouldn’t be posted here, but my anxiety has me on my knees at the minute.

There’s been a change in my home routine, which I’ve found in the past really affects me, especially when there’s a lack of routine as there is now.

I’m going to the gym, I’m eating well, avoiding alcohol but nothing is calming me down. Struggling to sleep because of it and feeling a bit helpless, also worried that the anxiety/stress will make other ailments flare up which of course leads to more anxiety and stress. Just needed to vent as I’m struggling big time.

Best wishes

Have you thought about maybe trying some CBT or speaking to the doctor about medication? Certainly both got my anxiety under control.

 

[MigsGoalKicks]

Had a visit to the doctors today. Had a pain in my left lung for about 6-8 weeks. I’ve put off going to the doctors about it. As I know it’ll most probably be in my head and don’t want to waste their time. But the last few days it’s travelled up to my heart. Weird the pain. In my lung it’s a dull, Throbbing pain. My heart felt like a tearing pain. Anyway got an appointment straight away and had an ECG, bloods taken etc. happy with the results. I said the pain is too real to all be in my head. The 8-10
Panic attacks I have a day have probably contributed to a pulled muscle or 2! Had a psychiatrist appt yesterday. He’s doubled my medication. Absolutely desperate for this to have a positive impact. Trying to be strong but fuck me this is so depressing. I look at parents on the school run standing, chatting etc while I’m stood having a panic attack trying to hide it and all I can think of is ‘why me’

 

[Pudding]

Had a visit to the doctors today. Had a pain in my left lung for about 6-8 weeks. I’ve put off going to the doctors about it. As I know it’ll most probably be in my head and don’t want to waste their time. But the last few days it’s travelled up to my heart. Weird the pain. In my lung it’s a dull, Throbbing pain. My heart felt like a tearing pain. Anyway got an appointment straight away and had an ECG, bloods taken etc. happy with the results. I said the pain is too real to all be in my head. The 8-10
Panic attacks I have a day have probably contributed to a pulled muscle or 2! Had a psychiatrist appt yesterday. He’s doubled my medication. Absolutely desperate for this to have a positive impact. Trying to be strong but fuck me this is so depressing. I look at parents on the school run standing, chatting etc while I’m stood having a panic attack trying to hide it and all I can think of is ‘why me’

Aye but you’ve also no idea what’s going on in their lives at the school gates.

Apart from the psych do you talk to anyone outside of your family about these feelings and thoughts?

I hear you by the way. Very familiar feelings to me.

 

[Becs]

Had a visit to the doctors today. Had a pain in my left lung for about 6-8 weeks. I’ve put off going to the doctors about it. As I know it’ll most probably be in my head and don’t want to waste their time. But the last few days it’s travelled up to my heart. Weird the pain. In my lung it’s a dull, Throbbing pain. My heart felt like a tearing pain. Anyway got an appointment straight away and had an ECG, bloods taken etc. happy with the results. I said the pain is too real to all be in my head. The 8-10
Panic attacks I have a day have probably contributed to a pulled muscle or 2! Had a psychiatrist appt yesterday. He’s doubled my medication. Absolutely desperate for this to have a positive impact. Trying to be strong but fuck me this is so depressing. I look at parents on the school run standing, chatting etc while I’m stood having a panic attack trying to hide it and all I can think of is ‘why me’

How you feeling today marra?

 

[Turner the Cat]

Getting increasingly unpleasant withdrawl symptoms coming off the Escitaloprám. Strange head sensations, heart rate a lot higher than normal and feel hot. Could be because Ive an ear infection as well but I think its the pills.

Mental Health Nurse said coming off the pills was going to be 'horrific' which I didnt think was particularly professional!

When I came off fluoxetine I didnt notice a thing. Should be starting my SNRIs tomorrow. Hopefully that wont make things worse in the short to long term. Just an FYI for those that might start SNRIs in the future. Apparently its really hard to come off of them once you start.

Anyone else had any issues coming off antidepressants?

Had a visit to the doctors today. Had a pain in my left lung for about 6-8 weeks. I’ve put off going to the doctors about it. As I know it’ll most probably be in my head and don’t want to waste their time. But the last few days it’s travelled up to my heart. Weird the pain. In my lung it’s a dull, Throbbing pain. My heart felt like a tearing pain. Anyway got an appointment straight away and had an ECG, bloods taken etc. happy with the results. I said the pain is too real to all be in my head. The 8-10
Panic attacks I have a day have probably contributed to a pulled muscle or 2! Had a psychiatrist appt yesterday. He’s doubled my medication. Absolutely desperate for this to have a positive impact. Trying to be strong but fuck me this is so depressing. I look at parents on the school run standing, chatting etc while I’m stood having a panic attack trying to hide it and all I can think of is ‘why me’

Best wishes to you. I've had exactly that same feeling of 'why me' and 'why cant I be normal'. You're not alone. If you can, dont let yourself get too frustrated or beat yourself up about it. Try and be positive if you can. You've taken positive steps to make your life better by reaching out to the doctor and increased your medication so well done. Plus it wasnt your heart which is good news too.

 

[joebolton]

Hello All

Difficult one to open up about really , but just some thoughts I have been having. Does anyone ever developed a period where they get no happiness from anything. My ex said to me , what is it you want to make you feel happy , and I didn’t know.

Over the past say 5 years I am getting little or no pleasure from the things I used to do.

I am literally pretending to enjoy things , when inside I just want it to be over. ( the thing , not life ). We went to that Queen by Candle light at Durham , I politely clapped each song , then couldn’t wait to get out. Even on nights out I am struggling to get to that “merry “ stage.

I started making a note of the last times I experienced real joy , a real buzz , and short of our Wembley win , I was going back a long way. I found stuff on the internet about Anhedonia , it seems to be a thing. I don’t think I feel depressed, it’s having to act like I am enjoying say Christmas Day, weddings , food out , days out. I find it exhausting.

People say I have got in a rut , same thing every weekend , but that’s a bit of a comfort to me. I have tried pushing myself to do the things I used to enjoy , but I literally get nothing from them.

Anyway , thanks for reading. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this , but now I suppose I have.
Good luck everyone as well.

 

[Pudding]

Hello All

Difficult one to open up about really , but just some thoughts I have been having. Does anyone ever developed a period where they get no happiness from anything. My ex said to me , what is it you want to make you feel happy , and I didn’t know.

Over the past say 5 years I am getting little or no pleasure from the things I used to do.

I am literally pretending to enjoy things , when inside I just want it to be over. ( the thing , not life ). We went to that Queen by Candle light at Durham , I politely clapped each song , then couldn’t wait to get out. Even on nights out I am struggling to get to that “merry “ stage.

I started making a note of the last times I experienced real joy , a real buzz , and short of our Wembley win , I was going back a long way. I found stuff on the internet about Anhedonia , it seems to be a thing. I don’t think I feel depressed, it’s having to act like I am enjoying say Christmas Day, weddings , food out , days out. I find it exhausting.

People say I have got in a rut , same thing every weekend , but that’s a bit of a comfort to me. I have tried pushing myself to do the things I used to enjoy , but I literally get nothing from them.

Anyway , thanks for reading. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this , but now I suppose I have.
Good luck everyone as well.

To be honest those feelings have been familiar at times. I’d say I was depressed when I was experiencing them.

For me I also lose track of how long I’ve been feeling that way…. as in it feels like I’ve been experiencing a lack of joy for months and months, when my journal would suggest otherwise. (Oh the joys of being in my heed at times )

These feelings generally isolate me which is never good. You ever spoke to a psych or someone like that?

 

[CPLforever]

I experience.......difficult to say.....a deep, deep emptiness rather than say a lack of joy..

It is actually really difficult to put into words but I think you have explained it very well here.

The dreading going out. The pretending to enjoy yourself are all something I have felt and you are right it is exhausting.

How do you feel when, say the event is over and you get to go home. Maybe not joy. Relief maybe.

The worry of course is you will withdraw more and more because of this feeling. Go out less and less.

Not very helpful I know but felt I wanted to respond.

Hello All

Difficult one to open up about really , but just some thoughts I have been having. Does anyone ever developed a period where they get no happiness from anything. My ex said to me , what is it you want to make you feel happy , and I didn’t know.

Over the past say 5 years I am getting little or no pleasure from the things I used to do.

I am literally pretending to enjoy things , when inside I just want it to be over. ( the thing , not life ). We went to that Queen by Candle light at Durham , I politely clapped each song , then couldn’t wait to get out. Even on nights out I am struggling to get to that “merry “ stage.

I started making a note of the last times I experienced real joy , a real buzz , and short of our Wembley win , I was going back a long way. I found stuff on the internet about Anhedonia , it seems to be a thing. I don’t think I feel depressed, it’s having to act like I am enjoying say Christmas Day, weddings , food out , days out. I find it exhausting.

People say I have got in a rut , same thing every weekend , but that’s a bit of a comfort to me. I have tried pushing myself to do the things I used to enjoy , but I literally get nothing from them.

Anyway , thanks for reading. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this , but now I suppose I have.
Good luck everyone as well.

Sorry meant to press a like and somehow turned into a ha ha emoji!!!!!!!????

Don't ask me how. Fat fingers I suppose. But that has made me chuckle to myself, maybe, hopefully make you chuckle too.

 

[MigsGoalKicks]

Aye but you’ve also no idea what’s going on in their lives at the school gates.

Apart from the psych do you talk to anyone outside of your family about these feelings and thoughts?

I hear you by the way. Very familiar feelings to me.

No. I barely talk to my lass about it. She actually gets pissed off that I tell the psychiatrist more than her!

Find it much easier ranting on a message board. It’s something I know I need to overcome.

 

[joebolton]

I experience.......difficult to say.....a deep, deep emptiness rather than say a lack of joy..

It is actually really difficult to put into words but I think you have explained it very well here.

The dreading going out. The pretending to enjoy yourself are all something I have felt and you are right it is exhausting.

How do you feel when, say the event is over and you get to go home. Maybe not joy. Relief maybe.

The worry of course is you will withdraw more and more because of this feeling. Go out less and less.

Not very helpful I know but felt I wanted to respond.

Relief at getting away from it, exhaustion at trying to act how I did years ago, and then an emptiness.
So today I started making a list of times I felt really tip top. Walks out with the bairn and the dog, matches, nights out drinking with the lads. Tall Ships at Sunderland with a girlfriend. Bank holiday drinking in Saltburn with bands on. All of them 4 to 7 years ago.
The other week I was invited to go to two different things, 2 different groups. I told both groups I was going to the other thing, and stayed in.
The last time I went out, and I felt I was just on the edge of everything, like an observer. Couldnt get merry, just drinking.

I see an old man when I do go out.
He is about 70, smartly dressed, stands at the bar drinking by himself. You can see him making eye contact and smiling at people , but he is like lost in his own world.
The smile isnt a happy smile, it is a nervous one.
7 nights a week he is out. By himself every night. He's there , but he's not there. he's not in it, if you know what I mean.
I tried to talk to him and I got nothing back. He looked terrified when I spoke to him.

I have been thinking about him this week. I am 56, I dont want to become him.

 

[Pudding]

No. I barely talk to my lass about it. She actually gets pissed off that I tell the psychiatrist more than her!

Find it much easier ranting on a message board. It’s something I know I need to overcome.

Try to talk about it more. I know when I do share this stuff, it loses its power. Worth a go.
Sure folks would catch up for a coffee. I would if I was close.

 

[MigsGoalKicks]

How you feeling today marra?

Not been too bad, thanks. Haven’t really ventured out bar taking the dog round the block a few times and done the school run. Got a call back after having my bloods taken yesterday, my cholesterol is high so need to get that sorted.

Once I’ve dropped the little one off at nursery tomorrow dinner time I’m going to attempt a walk into Chester to get my hair cut. I’ve been putting it off and putting it off and I’m at the stage of lockdown hair!

Nearly a week without a drink now so hopefully the benefits will kick in soon

 

[Becs]

Hello All

Difficult one to open up about really , but just some thoughts I have been having. Does anyone ever developed a period where they get no happiness from anything. My ex said to me , what is it you want to make you feel happy , and I didn’t know.

Over the past say 5 years I am getting little or no pleasure from the things I used to do.

I am literally pretending to enjoy things , when inside I just want it to be over. ( the thing , not life ). We went to that Queen by Candle light at Durham , I politely clapped each song , then couldn’t wait to get out. Even on nights out I am struggling to get to that “merry “ stage.

I started making a note of the last times I experienced real joy , a real buzz , and short of our Wembley win , I was going back a long way. I found stuff on the internet about Anhedonia , it seems to be a thing. I don’t think I feel depressed, it’s having to act like I am enjoying say Christmas Day, weddings , food out , days out. I find it exhausting.

People say I have got in a rut , same thing every weekend , but that’s a bit of a comfort to me. I have tried pushing myself to do the things I used to enjoy , but I literally get nothing from them.

Anyway , thanks for reading. I haven’t spoken to anyone about this , but now I suppose I have.
Good luck everyone as well.

Yes I noticed it most at the match. When we scored everyone was jumping around like nutters and I was just kind of shrug, whatever.

Do you think you need to talk to someone? There's mens groups like Andy's Man Club and Space North East. You can say as much or as little as you want at those groups. Nobody will judge you. Do you think going to one of them would help?

Not been too bad, thanks. Haven’t really ventured out bar taking the dog round the block a few times and done the school run. Got a call back after having my bloods taken yesterday, my cholesterol is high so need to get that sorted.

Once I’ve dropped the little one off at nursery tomorrow dinner time I’m going to attempt a walk into Chester to get my hair cut. I’ve been putting it off and putting it off and I’m at the stage of lockdown hair!

Nearly a week without a drink now so hopefully the benefits will kick in soon

Well done on not drinking. Proud of you for that xx

Hope the haircut goes well.

 

[D.A]

Relief at getting away from it, exhaustion at trying to act how I did years ago, and then an emptiness.
So today I started making a list of times I felt really tip top. Walks out with the bairn and the dog, matches, nights out drinking with the lads. Tall Ships at Sunderland with a girlfriend. Bank holiday drinking in Saltburn with bands on. All of them 4 to 7 years ago.
The other week I was invited to go to two different things, 2 different groups. I told both groups I was going to the other thing, and stayed in.
The last time I went out, and I felt I was just on the edge of everything, like an observer. Couldnt get merry, just drinking.

I see an old man when I do go out.
He is about 70, smartly dressed, stands at the bar drinking by himself. You can see him making eye contact and smiling at people , but he is like lost in his own world.
The smile isnt a happy smile, it is a nervous one.
7 nights a week he is out. By himself every night. He's there , but he's not there. he's not in it, if you know what I mean.
I tried to talk to him and I got nothing back. He looked terrified when I spoke to him.

I have been thinking about him this week. I am 56, I dont want to become him.

Where do you live? Do you like exercising?
I sort of understand what you mean. I feel a bit like this at the minute and not doing the things that I know I enjoy.

 

[joebolton]

Where do you live? Do you like exercising?
I sort of understand what you mean. I feel a bit like this at the minute and not doing the things that I know I enjoy.

Teesside North Yorkshire.
I have my traditional walk on Saturday at 8.30 for a couple of hours , which I don’t mind at all. 3 lads from school.
Then the threat of a drink with work colleagues at tea time , which I dodged the last one. I am hoping I will get something out of that.

This will sound weird , I actually love work. I walk in there literally singing. On a Friday I am last out. We all say have a great weekend to each other. Then I just sit and think of the 60 hours ahead of me, planning ways to kill the time.

So before , when I was with my ex , we booked to go to the Lakes. Hated it , just wanted to get home. Couldn’t wait to check out of the hotel , get in the car , drop her off and get home.
Same when we went to London , Ed Sheeran , Whitby anywhere. Looking at my watch as soon as I get there, thinking how long till I can get away. Everything just seems to be “Meh “ at the moment.