-
The first stage of the forum upgrades has now been completed but they remain in a degraded state and are still being worked on.
Please read this thread for more details.
New user registrations are currently disabled.
Depression
- Thread starter Maravilla
- Start date
- Status
Feel awful
Went to my dad’s twith his in-laws family and they’re just so intense. Being told over and over how quiet you are and just made to fell an outsider.
Have loads of friends of my own etc so confident in not an absolute mute
But Christ what a way to put someone down over and over
Went to my dad’s twith his in-laws family and they’re just so intense. Being told over and over how quiet you are and just made to fell an outsider.
Have loads of friends of my own etc so confident in not an absolute mute
But Christ what a way to put someone down over and over
shadowplay
Winger
FFS no one knows me here. Outside of my birth family I'm a stranger in my own hometown. All my old friends have left, all my lovers have been from elsewhere.
Please don't reply with more sage life advice, I'm done.
D.A
Striker
Nowt wrang with being quiet.Feel awful
Went to my dad’s twith his in-laws family and they’re just so intense. Being told over and over how quiet you are and just made to fell an outsider.
Have loads of friends of my own etc so confident in not an absolute mute
But Christ what a way to put someone down over and over
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
Hope everyone is doing OK. Today can be one of the worst for about of people.
I've been told I'm too quiet for 39 year. My stock response now is. "I only speak when I've got something interesting to say, maybe you should try being a bit quieter". Never goes down well like.Feel awful
Went to my dad’s twith his in-laws family and they’re just so intense. Being told over and over how quiet you are and just made to fell an outsider.
Have loads of friends of my own etc so confident in not an absolute mute
But Christ what a way to put someone down over and over
Last edited:
Yeah you’re right mate, that’s a good response.Hope everyone is doing OK. Today can be one of the worst for about of people.
I've been told I'm too quiet for 39 year. My stock response now is. "I only speak when I've got something interesting to say, maybe you should try being a bit quieter". Never goes down well like.
I don’t go round calling people fat fucks when they’re massive so I don’t know why they think it’s alright to bring up something I’m clearly insecure about just for a laugh
Ciro_DiMarzio
Striker
I doubt people are doing it on purpose mate but the only way to stop it is to make them realise.
S.S.R..
Striker
Empty cans rattle the most. You continue being you. Fuck whatever some doyles might say.
Everyone here is trying to help mate just sharing what works for them
.How are you today ?
Feel awful
Went to my dad’s twith his in-laws family and they’re just so intense. Being told over and over how quiet you are and just made to fell an outsider.
Have loads of friends of my own etc so confident in not an absolute mute
But Christ what a way to put someone down over and over
I get that as I'm quiet but people pointing out how quiet you are and making a big thing of it, just makes you even more quiet.
Also the alcohol thing. I can't drink much because of my crohn's so I'm happy with just a small amount or none at all. Other people find this a massive issue though. I stopped going out with some Mam's from school as they kept talking about me as if I wasn't there "awww it's a shame R can't drink isn't it?", "aww it must be awful sitting there with just a glass of Coke", "awww she can't properly enjoy herself on Coke can she?" etc. I just felt awkward and self conscious so I stopped going out with them and drifted apart.
Harry Gates
Winger
The pervasive "go on have a drink" bullying has always annoyed the shit out of me, particularly to strangers or people of whom you have little prior knowledge.
Currently struggling a lot, initiated by losing a family member, I’m struggling to deal with it and finding it hard to just enjoy what I’m doing for what it is. Wondered if anyone else has any experience of this and tips to help get past it?
I’m not at all in a place where I’m considering harming myself or hating my life, just very low. Feel guilty as I have a lovely family and nothing to complain about and I feel like I’m letting them down.
Considering speaking to the doctors but cautious about anti-depressants, but I am really finding it hard to shift the mindset and I’m probably getting worse gradually if anything.
I’m not at all in a place where I’m considering harming myself or hating my life, just very low. Feel guilty as I have a lovely family and nothing to complain about and I feel like I’m letting them down.
Considering speaking to the doctors but cautious about anti-depressants, but I am really finding it hard to shift the mindset and I’m probably getting worse gradually if anything.
Last edited:
I still mourn my parents all the time mate and it's so sad , its my dad's memory today but I just try to get through it and when I go to sleep hope I have the best dreams ever.
I am so sorry for what you going through mate and sorry I haven't got any tips , all I have is thinking about you and sending my love
Thanks really appreciate it and the dream part I have also been getting! Almost relaxing in some ways when they appear.I still mourn my parents all the time mate and it's so sad , its my dad's memory today but I just try to get through it and when I go to sleep hope I have the best dreams ever.
I am so sorry for what you going through mate and sorry I haven't got any tips , all I have is thinking about you and sending my love
I said to a family member recently along the lines of “it’s only because they were such a good person we’re all bothered”, which sounds like it’s the same for you. It’s just hit me for six lately, weirdly it took about 4 weeks for it to properly hit me and put me into a bad headspace.
Part of my problem is I bottle things up rather than talking. I don’t like to bother my lass with it either as I don’t want to get her down. Appreciate you replying as even that has helped lift me.
Last edited:
Will e
Midfield
Everyone deals with losing people who are close to them differently, people who you may think don't particularly care are sometimes devastated inside etc. The only thing I would say is talking to another family member about them, highlighting the good/happy things about them may be of some benefit. There's no right or wrong way to greive, you just need to know there will be lots of people like you.
They say time is a great healer, give yourself time to accept your loss, probably not the answer you wanted but do post back if you feel worse for whatever reason.
Some really nice people on here.
They say time is a great healer, give yourself time to accept your loss, probably not the answer you wanted but do post back if you feel worse for whatever reason.
Some really nice people on here.
Goat Eyes
Striker
I experienced exactly this after losing my sister. Organised the funeral, was there for her kids, sorted everything out whilst also trying to be there for my family. It just exhausted me emotionally and mentally, this was all, not long before Covid kicked in and lockdowns etc. so I was drinking (not much and not a problem) but long, hot days meant I could have a beer or two every day. I’m also the same, I wouldn’t speak to our lass about it who’d also lost her mam not too long before.
This low mood manifested into a really short temper and I felt as though I could’ve lost control and that scared me a bit.
Stopped drinking for about 6 months, always been active but exercised more and the one thing that helped more than anything, I paid for a therapist, it dragged me out of the hole I was getting myself in and gave me focus. I’ve not looked back since!
I never bothered with the doctors, didn’t want a waiting list and wasn’t prepared to even contemplate medication.
I used Tyne Counselling and Training. She was great.
Best of luck but don’t go it alone.
That’s really helpful, thank you. I think remembering other people have experienced it is and come through and got on with things helps, which was what made me think about posting on here (reluctantly as I never like to admit I’m struggling, but the SMB is great for serious stuff). I do think time will help, we’re thinking of having a break away with the kids as I think it may help refresh my brain, but then I don’t know if that’s trying to run from it.
I will definitely have a look into paying for therapy, appreciate that advice thank you. I just want to get myself into a better headspace so I’m back to myself for my family so if that worked for you I think it’s worth perusing.
One thing that has helped it watching non-SAFC Football on the tele as it’s a bit of a escapism and doesn’t get me thinking. The family member was a MLF so Sunderland matches sometimes get my brain thinking down that route.
Really appreciate the replies.
I went through a pretty rough time when within a few years I lost quite a few close family and friends/colleagues which really knocked me for 6 trying to process what was the point of it all.
Worst one was losing a younger brother which was a real shaker.
It’s the corny “it takes time” line but eventually you’ll come to terms with it. There will be moments when you hit real lows, moments when you just cry for seemingly no reason, moments when you laugh at good times and memories.
As someone else has said, everyone is different. Definitely talk about it if you can, whether that’s with someone close, a counsellor or even just nattering to a random on here. Talking it through helps massively and you’ll realise everyone has gone through it to a greater or lesser degree and will understand what you’re going through.
Be there for others who are also going through similar, your other family snd friends of the deceased.
“Come to terms with it” is exactly what I need to do and I think you’re right, I will in time, maybe partially naturally and partially with help from a professional.
I’ll take your advice at the bottom and reach out to some family, we’re not really a family who talks to each other in that way which likely won’t help at all. We have talked generally but avoiding the obvious really. I will give it a go, who knows it might be a breakthrough or I’ll get told to f*** off
- Status
