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Depression

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rey mysterio said:
Aye. Me dad sort of ignores all that and doesn’t know how to really deal with it with me but is a voice of reason. However my mam has always put me down and been critical, comparing me to others. She reacts badly to pretty much everything I do and somehow I’m never good enough in her eyes. Every time I try to talk to her about how I’m feeling her problems are somehow far worse.


Aye pretty much this. It’s as if they don’t believe me because I don’t appear that I struggle on the outside. I never have done until it boils over and the self destruct button gets pushed. I’d like to think I’ve moved away from that now after the business last winter but it’s still there lurking over me like a cloud.

I think at the root of it all is my financial situation. If I was stable then I think I’d be a lot happier than I am. I’ve begged them for help getting my debt under control in the past, and now that I’m managing it’s always sly comments about how I shouldn’t have gotten myself into a mess or “we never went into debt for anything”.

The reason I got into financial services for employment was literally to not make mistakes myself again. I’m smashing through exams and I am almost at diploma level, but my parents think it is a Walter Mitty pipe dream that I’ll ever get anywhere with it. Add that to the nasty comments I get from my mam and the “you’re a disgrace”, “you’re a terrible father” etc. really doesn’t help. It’s not like she’s a bad person but she doesn’t think when she comes out with things like this or what impact this has on me.

Then when I mention moving away for a better job when the time comes, I face emotional blackmail “what about the kids”.

Honestly feels like I can’t win with them. Nothing I do will ever be good enough.
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Hiya. Feel the pain. Said about these themes on here before.

Certainly you're not the only one with this issue and I can identify with all you've said

Think it's deep set learnt behaviour in my family. Am resolute my kids won't have this. Breaking the "family cycle" has to be a positive. Doesn't help the present of course
lucky said:
I am so sorry if anyone has messaged me on here as nothing has been showing up :( .
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I don't get notifications from threads on here either. Useful to check in and see what others are feeling etc, but I have to remember to look
 
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rey mysterio said:
Aye. Me dad sort of ignores all that and doesn’t know how to really deal with it with me but is a voice of reason. However my mam has always put me down and been critical, comparing me to others. She reacts badly to pretty much everything I do and somehow I’m never good enough in her eyes. Every time I try to talk to her about how I’m feeling her problems are somehow far worse.


Aye pretty much this. It’s as if they don’t believe me because I don’t appear that I struggle on the outside. I never have done until it boils over and the self destruct button gets pushed. I’d like to think I’ve moved away from that now after the business last winter but it’s still there lurking over me like a cloud.

I think at the root of it all is my financial situation. If I was stable then I think I’d be a lot happier than I am. I’ve begged them for help getting my debt under control in the past, and now that I’m managing it’s always sly comments about how I shouldn’t have gotten myself into a mess or “we never went into debt for anything”.

The reason I got into financial services for employment was literally to not make mistakes myself again. I’m smashing through exams and I am almost at diploma level, but my parents think it is a Walter Mitty pipe dream that I’ll ever get anywhere with it. Add that to the nasty comments I get from my mam and the “you’re a disgrace”, “you’re a terrible father” etc. really doesn’t help. It’s not like she’s a bad person but she doesn’t think when she comes out with things like this or what impact this has on me.

Then when I mention moving away for a better job when the time comes, I face emotional blackmail “what about the kids”.

Honestly feels like I can’t win with them. Nothing I do will ever be good enough.
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Looking at it fairly simplistically from a future perspective, the kids are your future, your parents are your past.
 
CPLforever said:
What does this mean? It's going to be something really obvious isn't it but can't seem to work it out.
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Playing people off against one another with threats/exclusion/manipulation. Some real life examples could be treating children differently to play them off against one another, such as holding them to different standards or acting in a way to favour one child, knowing it will foster resentment between them. It stops them collaborating to cope. So the extremes might be families where there is a golden child and black sheep. Both might resent one another for different reasons, rather than the parent for treating them that way.

Or one that most people have probably done or had done to them at some point in their lives, such as hinting they are interested in a friend or potential love interest, to manipulate the target in to becoming jealous and 'seizing the chance'.
 
rey mysterio said:
Honestly feels like I can’t win with them. Nothing I do will ever be good enough.
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I'm sorry to hear this. A lot of this reasonates with me. My mum has been so negative to me. I remember when I was growing up that she would regularly say I would never come to anything. Told me my father never wanted me etc etc.

I built a good career and I remember ringing her up to tell her about my latest promotion. Instead of telling me I'd done well, which is what I really wanted to hear, she just told me I worked too hard. I put the phone down and thought I just can't win.

When its like that though, you need to make sure you're living your life for you and your wife and kids and not them.
 
DBStar said:
Playing people off against one another with threats/exclusion/manipulation. Some real life examples could be treating children differently to play them off against one another, such as holding them to different standards or acting in a way to favour one child, knowing it will foster resentment between them. It stops them collaborating to cope. So the extremes might be families where there is a golden child and black sheep. Both might resent one another for different reasons, rather than the parent for treating them that way.

Or one that most people have probably done or had done to them at some point in their lives, such as hinting they are interested in a friend or potential love interest, to manipulate the target in to becoming jealous and 'seizing the chance'.
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Oh thanks, makes sense and seems to be especially prevalent in the lives of some who come onto this thread. Obviously very damaging behaviour
 
Feeling fairly lonely; work is like High School cliques, cutting off what I thought was a close pal and my only brother because they bring nowt positive to the table. Never there for me and deeply envious of whatever I have in life that they're lacking.

How heartbreaking is it when folk you care about are absolutely rooting for you to fail. 🙁 Feels like me Vs The World at times.
 
S.S.R.. said:
Feeling fairly lonely; work is like High School cliques, cutting off what I thought was a close pal and my only brother because they bring nowt positive to the table. Never there for me and deeply envious of whatever I have in life that they're lacking.

How heartbreaking is it when folk you care about are absolutely rooting for you to fail. 🙁 Feels like me Vs The World at times.
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You get so many people who want you to fail and it's probably because they don't have the guts to try/do whatever you want to do. Personally I would rather try and fail than not try at all , but what really motivates me is proving people wrong and makes me work even harder. Hang in there mate and we all rooting for you on this side 👍.
 
look out piano said:
After a really long wait I had my first meet with a CPN today, lovely chap and a MLF which was a bonus.
I cried for about 40 minutes on and off but I feel a bit of relief tbh.
Big hugs to you all, keep on keeping on my loves 😘
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That's brilliant. In all honesty, if you can tolerate the wait then you've really achieved something in a system that's a bit broken and seems to be built on if you're not in total crisis they'll just hope you "get better" and go away. That's me being negative admittedly

On another wider topic, sorry I felt I might need to type this tonight for myself - have been noticing some of the panic attack posts on here that have featured lately

And then it happened.

In a meeting today and something triggered me. On it came. Thought I was going to have flee the room. Worst for a long time

Then it got worse thinking how embarrassing that would be and like, shit someone will come after me and then I have to face these people later. And please for god's sake don't direct anything at me or I will have to run.

10 mins dizzy, agitated, heart racing, trying to hide the physical effects, telling myself over and over it'll pass. Then it slowly did and I guess the adrenaline in me turned it into almost joy

It happens to me almost every day on the bus still. Minor ones I can control though

When I was debilitated by them about 4-5 years ago, it was always bus to work and meetings. Every single day. Now I associate those 2 scenarios with panic attacks. Breaking that has to be a goal

It's going to have to be something I seek some help to control - somehow, somewhere

Edit. Eek that's a long post. I also probably said it as I have an Occupational Health appt tomorrow and I was gonna tell them am fine me honest. Maybe I should really admit it. But that has risks
 
de Ruyter said:
That's brilliant. In all honesty, if you can tolerate the wait then you've really achieved something in a system that's a bit broken and seems to be built on if you're not in total crisis they'll just hope you "get better" and go away. That's me being negative admittedly

On another wider topic, sorry I felt I might need to type this tonight for myself - have been noticing some of the panic attack posts on here that have featured lately

And then it happened.

In a meeting today and something triggered me. On it came. Thought I was going to have flee the room. Worst for a long time

Then it got worse thinking how embarrassing that would be and like, shit someone will come after me and then I have to face these people later. And please for god's sake don't direct anything at me or I will have to run.

10 mins dizzy, agitated, heart racing, trying to hide the physical effects, telling myself over and over it'll pass. Then it slowly did and I guess the adrenaline in me turned it into almost joy

It happens to me almost every day on the bus still. Minor ones I can control though

When I was debilitated by them about 4-5 years ago, it was always bus to work and meetings. Every single day. Now I associate those 2 scenarios with panic attacks. Breaking that has to be a goal

It's going to have to be something I seek some help to control - somehow, somewhere

Edit. Eek that's a long post. I also probably said it as I have an Occupational Health appt tomorrow and I was gonna tell them am fine me honest. Maybe I should really admit it. But that has risks
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Go for it if you feel that way. Seek assistance please, tell Occ H. tomorrow so they can offer some direction.
 
de Ruyter said:
That's brilliant. In all honesty, if you can tolerate the wait then you've really achieved something in a system that's a bit broken and seems to be built on if you're not in total crisis they'll just hope you "get better" and go away. That's me being negative admittedly

On another wider topic, sorry I felt I might need to type this tonight for myself - have been noticing some of the panic attack posts on here that have featured lately

And then it happened.

In a meeting today and something triggered me. On it came. Thought I was going to have flee the room. Worst for a long time

Then it got worse thinking how embarrassing that would be and like, shit someone will come after me and then I have to face these people later. And please for god's sake don't direct anything at me or I will have to run.

10 mins dizzy, agitated, heart racing, trying to hide the physical effects, telling myself over and over it'll pass. Then it slowly did and I guess the adrenaline in me turned it into almost joy

It happens to me almost every day on the bus still. Minor ones I can control though

When I was debilitated by them about 4-5 years ago, it was always bus to work and meetings. Every single day. Now I associate those 2 scenarios with panic attacks. Breaking that has to be a goal

It's going to have to be something I seek some help to control - somehow, somewhere

Edit. Eek that's a long post. I also probably said it as I have an Occupational Health appt tomorrow and I was gonna tell them am fine me honest. Maybe I should really admit it. But that has risks
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Admit the panic / stress to them, at least you're covered in case you have a wobble at work in future my love 😘
And I'm sure you can get these worry fiddle bracelet thingies that you can ping when you're feeling a bit triggered. Deep breaths in and out but keep it calm rather than looking like you're hyperventilating.
When I get panic attacks I'm like Ted Stryker from airplane, load of water / sweat starts
pissing down my face :confused:
 
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