• The forum upgrades are now largely complete.
    Please read this thread for more details.
    New user registrations are currently disabled.

Depression

Status
Not open for further replies.

de Ruyter said:
What a pig this is. It's never gone away.

I can usually learn to live with it but every now and then it hits me like a steamroller

Think I was approx 27 when I first got prescribed antidepressants. 20 years later am still no closer to fixing it.

I've so many problems. I either hide or lash out
Click to expand...
Lash out anytime you want mate as its a lot better than hoding things. Scream your lungs our if it makes you feel better. Do anything that helps.
 
de Ruyter said:
The dread. Dread the morning. I've really messed up. Going to have to fix it. Don't think I'm strong enough
Click to expand...
You're much stronger than you think. Just reaching out to us shows strength in itself.
Would it help to describe on here how you've messed up? We could offer our opinions on how it could be fixed. We're all human. If we didn't make mistakes we'd be robots.
A golden rule to remember- how you're currently feeling is not forever. There will be better times. You're thinking of applying a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I need you to do me a favour actually...
 
de Ruyter said:
What a pig this is. It's never gone away.

I can usually learn to live with it but every now and then it hits me like a steamroller

Think I was approx 27 when I first got prescribed antidepressants. 20 years later am still no closer to fixing it.

I've so many problems. I either hide or lash out
Click to expand...

This is why antidepressants aren't for me. They're good for temporarily keeping someone afloat, but not going to solve the root problems or give you healthy coping mechanisms.

Kind of like gubbing a load of painkillers instead of getting dental work.

In some ways I'm grateful I'm miserable for tangible, identifiable reasons; at least I can potentially improve my life and learn to accept things I can't change.

There are people who'll be crippled with low mood regardless of how their life is.
 
Last edited:
Midday Sun Englishman said:
There are indeed - and that's why anti-depressants can be so good (and the newer ones have less of the annoying side effects) for several years. Those meds and competent therapy can really help.
Click to expand...
My problems just stem from terrible life choices

It's like a family joke now. Oh him, the one who screws himself up

I don't think there's therapy out there though

It's been absolutely decimated. If you can even get a GP to ring back it's an achievement

As for counselling. Go on a 9 month waiting list? It's pathetic

How many people have been killed by this shite?

Shouldn't happen
 
de Ruyter said:
My problems just stem from terrible life choices

It's like a family joke now. Oh him, the one who screws himself up

I don't think there's therapy out there though

It's been absolutely decimated. If you can even get a GP to ring back it's an achievement

As for counselling. Go on a 9 month waiting list? It's pathetic

How many people have been killed by this shite?

Shouldn't happen
Click to expand...
100% correct it shouldn't be allowed to happen and really is pathetic.
 
And so my Asperger's story continues.

There was finally a frank conversation the other day between me and my current line manager. She said the Asperger's diagnosis now explains why I do certain things (hyperfocus, freezes, etc. - which don't happen that often to be fair). She said last year prior to the diagnosis that the spike in errors would have probably seen me performance managed out of the business. Things I said at times can be explained now, that it was the Asperger's not me necessarily trying to change the business.

I responded that it wasn't just the Aspreger's but my relationship with my previous manager. I said that I had good reason to believe that the previous manager was also on the Autism scale and perhaps an Aspie and an Autist were never going to be a good mix. I mentioned a senior manager had slipped up, all but giving this point away (noting previous and senior manager have now left the business - I mentioned in a previous post my previous manager had effectively walked off the job - there's also a comment by the Union rep I didn't mention). I added there'd been a massive personality clash between and my previous manager too.

My current manager responded that not everyone is meant to get on and I answered "Yes". I added that the same senior manager who'd slipped up had also explicitley stated that there was a personality clash between me and my previous manager during a meeting with me while I was on the sick through stress.

The penny dropped with me that the only version of events on record are those of my previous manager's. The comments from the senior manager may not be there and also repeated statements before the Asperger's was picked up that I might also have mild AD-HD. I know the previous manager did not believe me, despite me flagging a previous diagnosis as a child when I was nine (the one I mentioned had been lost). AD-HD is very much on the agenda alongside my Asperger's though I've not had a diagnosis for the AD-HD bit - it is still to be nvestigated).

What bothers me is a decent performace under two previous managers follwed by a drop off under this problem previous manager didn't raise a red flag at more senior level. I was the bad guy, end off???

I'm on the waiting list for another job at the moment, which I know will come through sooner or later. My only aim now is to keep things okay until that job offer comes through.

But given the above conversation, I know now that moving on is the right thing and a fresh start is needed. It's been one thing after another.

That said, I'll be leaving with a "reasonable adjustments" passport as it's called and also first aid training on my CV, this to be done within the next few weeks. So the delay in the offer coming through has been of some good.
 
Last edited:
Suspender Sue said:
And so my Asperger's story continues.

There was finally a frank conversation the other day between me and my current line manager. She said the Asperger's diagnosis now explains why I do certain things (hyperfocus, freezes, etc. - which don't happen that often to be fair). She said last year prior to the diagnosis that the spike in errors would have probably seen me performance managed out of the business. Things I said at times can be explained now, that it was the Asperger's not me necessarily trying to change the business.

I responded that it wasn't just the Aspreger's but my relationship with my previous manager. I said that I had good reason to believe that the previous manager was also on the Autism scale and perhaps an Aspie and an Autist were never going to be a good mix. I mentioned a senior manager had slipped up, all but giving this point away (noting previous and senior manager have now left the business - I mentioned in a previous post my previous manager had effectively walked off the job - there's also a comment by the Union rep I didn't mention). I added there'd been a massive personality clash between and my previous manager too.

My current manager responded that not everyone is meant to get on and I answered "Yes". I added that the same senior manager who'd slipped up had also explicitley stated that there was a personality clash between me and my previous manager during a meeting with me while I was on the sick through stress.

The penny dropped with me that the only version of events on record are those of my previous manager's. The comments from the senior manager may not be there and also repeated statements before the Asperger's was picked up that I might also have mild AD-HD. I know the previous manager did not believe me, despite me flagging a previous diagnosis as a child when I was nine (the one I mentioned had been lost). AD-HD is very much on the agenda alongside my Asperger's though I've not had a diagnosis for the AD-HD bit - it is still to be nvestigated).

What bothers me is a decent performace under two previous managers follwed by a drop off under this problem previous manager didn't raise a red flag at more senior level. I was the bad guy, end off???

I'm on the waiting list for another job at the moment, which I know will come through sooner or later. My only aim now is to keep things okay until that job offer comes through.

But given the above conversation, I know now that moving on is the right thing and a fresh start is needed. It's been one thing after another.

That said, I'll be leaving with a "reasonable adjustments" passport as it's called and also first aid training on my CV, this to be done within the next few weeks. So the delay in the offer coming through has been of some good.
Click to expand...
TBF to your ex and current managers, they aren’t doctors or psychologists so aren’t skilled in spotting if someone may have an undiagnosed illness. What they can do is monitor performance and if it drops off manage that which should then lead to an identification of the issue.

It is as much, if not more so your responsibility to bring these issues to them than it is for them to identify them in you.
 
Ciro_DiMarzio said:
Going out with a mate today. Been looking forward to it all week. Now that it's here I'm on the verge of a panic attack about going out for beers with somebody I've been close mates with for 35 years ffs. Always been socially awkward (even with close friends) but it's really gone into overdrive over the last year or so.
Click to expand...
Hope you have a decent day
 
Suspender Sue said:
And so my Asperger's story continues.

There was finally a frank conversation the other day between me and my current line manager. She said the Asperger's diagnosis now explains why I do certain things (hyperfocus, freezes, etc. - which don't happen that often to be fair). She said last year prior to the diagnosis that the spike in errors would have probably seen me performance managed out of the business. Things I said at times can be explained now, that it was the Asperger's not me necessarily trying to change the business.

I responded that it wasn't just the Aspreger's but my relationship with my previous manager. I said that I had good reason to believe that the previous manager was also on the Autism scale and perhaps an Aspie and an Autist were never going to be a good mix. I mentioned a senior manager had slipped up, all but giving this point away (noting previous and senior manager have now left the business - I mentioned in a previous post my previous manager had effectively walked off the job - there's also a comment by the Union rep I didn't mention). I added there'd been a massive personality clash between and my previous manager too.

My current manager responded that not everyone is meant to get on and I answered "Yes". I added that the same senior manager who'd slipped up had also explicitley stated that there was a personality clash between me and my previous manager during a meeting with me while I was on the sick through stress.

The penny dropped with me that the only version of events on record are those of my previous manager's. The comments from the senior manager may not be there and also repeated statements before the Asperger's was picked up that I might also have mild AD-HD. I know the previous manager did not believe me, despite me flagging a previous diagnosis as a child when I was nine (the one I mentioned had been lost). AD-HD is very much on the agenda alongside my Asperger's though I've not had a diagnosis for the AD-HD bit - it is still to be nvestigated).

What bothers me is a decent performace under two previous managers follwed by a drop off under this problem previous manager didn't raise a red flag at more senior level. I was the bad guy, end off???

I'm on the waiting list for another job at the moment, which I know will come through sooner or later. My only aim now is to keep things okay until that job offer comes through.

But given the above conversation, I know now that moving on is the right thing and a fresh start is needed. It's been one thing after another.

That said, I'll be leaving with a "reasonable adjustments" passport as it's called and also first aid training on my CV, this to be done within the next few weeks. So the delay in the offer coming through has been of some good.
Click to expand...

Unless your job is paid higher than average, as long as you're consistently showing up and working and they start whining about performance etc. I'd be quickly telling them to stick the job up their hoop.

Refuse to work with the implication the axe is always hanging over me. When I could be in a secure job where my efforts are appreciated instead of wasting my time with flakes on an ego trip.

Turn the power games on their heed. Casually tell your employer you could get another job on this salary tomorrow. Keep THEM unsure.
Got a pal working retail. Worked there for five years on part time hours. Had new recruits on 40hr contracts. He wrote a polite letter asking for more hours. Told him I'd be howling shelves down as I walked.

Nice guys get bent over.
 
Last edited:
Goat Eyes said:
TBF to your ex and current managers, they aren’t doctors or psychologists so aren’t skilled in spotting if someone may have an undiagnosed illness. What they can do is monitor performance and if it drops off manage that which should then lead to an identification of the issue.

It is as much, if not more so your responsibility to bring these issues to them than it is for them to identify them in you.
Click to expand...
But that's the point, I did. I raised the AD-HD flag as i believed it at the time and the previous manager didn't believe me. I did what I could, but if that person isn't listening then what do I do?

It was union involvement in the end that sorted the issue. That was a bit of a car crash too, but at least sorted it.
S.S.R.. said:
Unless your job is paid higher than average, as long as you're consistently showing up and working and they start whining about performance etc. I'd be quickly telling them to stick the job up their hoop.

Refuse to work with the implication the axe is always hanging over me. When I could be in a secure job where my efforts are appreciated instead of wasting my time with flakes on an ego trip.

Turn the power games on their heed. Casually tell your employer you could get another job on this salary tomorrow. Keep THEM unsure.
Got a pal working retail. Worked there for five years on part time hours. Had new recruits on 40hr contracts. He wrote a polite letter asking for more hours. Told him I'd be howling shelves down as I walked.

Nice guys get bent over.
Click to expand...
As I said, I'm awaiting a job offer now with substantially more money. But I want to complete the reasonable adjustments package (neatly there) and grap the first aid training for my CV before moving on.

When the offer comes, I'll be ready for that new start.
 
Last edited:
Suspender Sue said:
But that's the point, I did. I raised the AD-HD flag as i believed it at the time and the previous manager didn't believe me. I did what I could, but if that person isn't listening then what do I do?

It was union involvement in the end that sorted the issue. That was a bit of a car crash too, but at least sorted it.

As I said, I'm awaiting a job offer now with substantially more money. But I want to complete the reasonable adjustments package (neatly there) and grap the first aid training for my CV before moving on.

When the offer comes, I'll be ready for that new start.
Click to expand...
That’s the key though, we can’t just agree with everything everyone says otherwise we’d all pull the ADHD card every time we were making mistakes.

Glad you got sorted but you have also got to realise it’s not a straightforward situation to deal with.
 
Goat Eyes said:
That’s the key though, we can’t just agree with everything everyone says otherwise we’d all pull the ADHD card every time we were making mistakes.

Glad you got sorted but you have also got to realise it’s not a straightforward situation to deal with.
Click to expand...
But when I say I had been diagnosed as a child and (as I did) was happy to go for a new diagnosis, plus involved the union, then literally I did do everything I could.

Until ASD (on my side) was thrown in the ring by the union guy, she had made her mind up about me and wouldn't budge.

Yes, it was as much my responsibility to raise any problems and that's exactly what I did to manager and union. What else was I supposed to do?
.
You seem to be talking about this from the employer's perspective, as someone who's had to deal with similar.
 
Last edited:
Goat Eyes said:
TBF to your ex and current managers, they aren’t doctors or psychologists so aren’t skilled in spotting if someone may have an undiagnosed illness. What they can do is monitor performance and if it drops off manage that which should then lead to an identification of the issue.

It is as much, if not more so your responsibility to bring these issues to them than it is for them to identify them in you.
Click to expand...
In my view, it would be a joint decision with the company doctor who would definitely be supportive of anyone who Is on the autistic spectrum. The medic who, by agreement, might have access to medical notes, could formulate a letter to management confirming reported areas of difficulty for which allowances in working practice might be called for.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top