The Bridge Lad
Striker
Tha Boxing Voice ftw marra
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Depression
- Thread starter Maravilla
- Start date
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yorkyexile
Striker
Thats basically it Becs. You know what is like, you just need that something to get you going rather than sitting letting yourself retreat.
I`m still having some fairly shite days but at least ive managed to keep meself going this time round rather than just hiding away and letting my head win.Bloody wears you out though battling with your own brain
GTG
Striker
I'm going to miss those walks SO much since I said goodbye to Zak a couple of weeks ago, the really late night ones when everything is so quiet. I'm actually thinking about becoming a proper dog-walker as an alternative to getting another dog.
When I'm out 'working' I usually start off with music to get me going but if I'm halfway through a good book I can't wait until it's 'time'. There are times though when I don't 'use' anything and I just let my mind wander freely. It is amazing what memories/flashbacks emerge, sometimes they make me cry, sometimes laugh out loud but I feel like my mind is joining up a few dots and repairing itself, the detail that emerges is amazing at times, incidents that I'd forgotten about completely. I sometimes wonder if I dwell in the past too much but I also believe that you can't move forward unless you know where you've come from. Fortunately all the bad shit is ironed out somehow, I can remember that there were bad times in my life but I never FEEL those feelings. The good bits, however, can still give me a buzz and make me laugh.
I think a lot of this is probably to do with spending several years caring for me Alzheimer's-stricken mam.
D
Deleted member 5265
Guest
The mind needs to heal itself and it takes time. I know exactly what you mean about those memories and flashbacks coming back in an uncontrolled way but at a gentle and manageable pace. It's like if you cut your knee: it scabs over, and gradually, bit by bit, the flesh knits itself together until all is well again. If you've been the carer for someone with Alzheimers it's not surprising that you're feeling the effects of it. It takes time and proper care to heal. I've never had dogs but if walking the dog has really worked for you, then do think about getting another one or becoming a dog walker.
Walter Ego
Striker
A quick update from me. I'm suicidal as fuck. Definitely the worst I've ever been with it.
B
becs
Guest
Well don't do that man or I'll be cross with you! Definitely go and see your GP as soon as possible if things are that bad.
In the mean time, if you want to write anything that you can't put on here, feel free to send me a PM. I'm going to sleep shortly, but I'll answer in the morning. Take care of yourself xx
Walter Ego
Striker
Yeah, I'm going to have to do something.
I've always been quite open about it because if nowt else, its vaguely interesting how the mind works. It's always been a case of thinking about death and what is the whole point of it all and blah blah blah, but not actually thinking about doing it. This time its different though. Brief flashes of 'You could throw yourself off here' when crossing the bridge on the way to work or 'What would happen if I just stepped out now' when crossing the road and that. Peculiar.
joemcdokes
Striker
It's fine Gus has gone, you can cheer up now, well until Saturday night at least.
Think I am going to start doing this. I normally listened to some during work but haven't for quite a while and might be good for me to do this on a night instead, cheers marra.
Woke up during the night last night feeling surprisingly alright, even when waking up to get a shower/ready for work I felt alright.. Soon as I started driving to work the bad thoughts/memories/regret sets in, wish there was an easy way of getting rid of this f***ing awful thing, I can't imagine how the majority on this thread feel as even though I still feel terrible, it will be nothing compared to how a lot on here feel. Reading about people losing houses/kids and stuff is just unimaginable for me. I know it comes down to how you feel but even still my problems are tiny in comparison.
B
becs
Guest
How you doing today pet?
This is one time you are allowed to be selfish! Sod everyone else and their problems and just concentrate on getting you better. It doesn't matter how tiny the problems seem, they're still enough to be causing problems and need fixing.
hiroftm
Striker
I don't have the time to read through the entire thread to hear what advice has been given etc but I have suffered from severe depression twice in my life so far to date and I don't think it is anything that has actually left me.
I didn't opt for medication (not that this is not an option), and I was referred to some group based therapy which to be honest was horrific and made me feel worse. Instead I opted for 1 on 1 counselling which was the best thing I ever did. There was tears (a f***ing lot of them) but having an opportunity to talk to someone completely neutral (I believe this is why a lot of people take comfort is talking about mental health on an online forum) really helped. The counselor helped me understand why I was how I was which helped me understand why the "dark times" were appearing and be proactive in combating them.
As I mentioned I don't think it has ever left me, in fact I know it hasn't, I still suffer from "episodes" to date and often find my self having to hold back how I feel or act as I believe these to be a consequence of suffering depression. For example, I often find the happier I am the more I can feel depression creeping back (depression really does not like happiness) and it affects things such as my relationship with my girlfriend and my overall mood through. I fear the state of depression I was once in and how alone I felt, and this in turns brings on anxiety which then snowballs and makes me think of and fear the worst.
I barely drink alcohol these days, it really is the worst thing for depression. The amount of time I would end up drinking and find myself ending up in a ball of tears for hours is unreal.
Depression has held me back in life, but it is apart of me now and I won't let it control me or hold me back anymore. Ever since my last bout of severe depression (around 2-3 years ago) my life is better. I have managed to get my own home (gaining some independence), get a new job, gain an amazing girlfriend and have now managed to get back into education (which my first state of depression robbed me of).
I don't know if any of what I just typed made sense, or helped. I hope it did. Just typing it out has already helped me understand how I feel and remember how it has affected me.
One thing I did do, which may help. I really really struggled telling people how I felt, to get around this I kept a blog where I wrote about how I felt. I provided this link to friends and family members who were able to read and understand how I felt without me having to tell them directly. I would always recommend talking to friends and family directly but if you struggle (like I did) then this may help.
Well isn't it funny how things work out?
After talking about the subject yesterday on here I found myself in a right mess last night which I'm struggling to shake. Spent last night just crying for hours on end with little reason. Couldn't get any sleep.
I genuinely believe this to be a consequence of happiness, the darkness returned last night :-(.
I didn't opt for medication (not that this is not an option), and I was referred to some group based therapy which to be honest was horrific and made me feel worse. Instead I opted for 1 on 1 counselling which was the best thing I ever did. There was tears (a f***ing lot of them) but having an opportunity to talk to someone completely neutral (I believe this is why a lot of people take comfort is talking about mental health on an online forum) really helped. The counselor helped me understand why I was how I was which helped me understand why the "dark times" were appearing and be proactive in combating them.
As I mentioned I don't think it has ever left me, in fact I know it hasn't, I still suffer from "episodes" to date and often find my self having to hold back how I feel or act as I believe these to be a consequence of suffering depression. For example, I often find the happier I am the more I can feel depression creeping back (depression really does not like happiness) and it affects things such as my relationship with my girlfriend and my overall mood through. I fear the state of depression I was once in and how alone I felt, and this in turns brings on anxiety which then snowballs and makes me think of and fear the worst.
I barely drink alcohol these days, it really is the worst thing for depression. The amount of time I would end up drinking and find myself ending up in a ball of tears for hours is unreal.
Depression has held me back in life, but it is apart of me now and I won't let it control me or hold me back anymore. Ever since my last bout of severe depression (around 2-3 years ago) my life is better. I have managed to get my own home (gaining some independence), get a new job, gain an amazing girlfriend and have now managed to get back into education (which my first state of depression robbed me of).
I don't know if any of what I just typed made sense, or helped. I hope it did. Just typing it out has already helped me understand how I feel and remember how it has affected me.
One thing I did do, which may help. I really really struggled telling people how I felt, to get around this I kept a blog where I wrote about how I felt. I provided this link to friends and family members who were able to read and understand how I felt without me having to tell them directly. I would always recommend talking to friends and family directly but if you struggle (like I did) then this may help.
Well isn't it funny how things work out?
After talking about the subject yesterday on here I found myself in a right mess last night which I'm struggling to shake. Spent last night just crying for hours on end with little reason. Couldn't get any sleep.
I genuinely believe this to be a consequence of happiness, the darkness returned last night :-(.
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Walter Ego
Striker
Shite tbh. I've said it before on this thread, but I've always found cycling, and walking to a lesser extent, therapeutic. Tore the cartilage in my knee last week which has meant I've just been sitting in the house instead of nipping out for an hour or two.
Drinking more anarl, but not sure about that one.
hiroftm
Striker
Please stop drinking, I know it is difficult but please stop. If you have any in the house, chuck it out.
Walter Ego
Striker
No, I know. Completely agree with you on your comments about drink earlier in the thread. Like, I noticed a while back that I would go out, get hammered for no reason and then feel like shite for 3/4 days after, so I just stopped doing that.
I mean more like one or two here and there. Which is a pro and con thing. Like, last night went and had a couple in a bar while I did work instead of going home and sitting alone feeling like shite.
hiroftm
Striker
Can you not replace a bar with a coffee shop and have a cuppa while you work instead?
Walter Ego
Striker
See my other thread
I actually went last night with the intention of having a coffee, but they had one of my favourite porters on, so hey ho. It's one to keep an eye on, but not an issue atm.
yorkyexile
Striker
Then dont. Find somewhere quiet and let fly. Sounds as soft as shite but it helps sometimes.
hiroftm
Striker
Difficult when at work marra, I did the other night, felt great and woke up in a much better mood the following day. Only for the feeling of loneliness and worthlessness to return within a couple of hours.
yorkyexile
Striker
Yeah i get that.Im lucky i can either lock meself in the van or find a void house nearby and get on with it.best of luck anyway matey and theres plenty of us on here you can pm and whinge at if you need to
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