Depression

[kensplace]

The black dog is scratching at the door, and I am not enjoying it.
Honestly thought I was doing really well, had been reducing my meds to the point of almost stopping, been getting around people, then crunch.
Self image is low, really don't like how I look, know I need to change, didn't help I binged yesterday travelling to/from game. Got home, bought a chinese and was so sick of myself I binned it after 2 forkfuls.
Only person who can sort me out is me, just a bit low today, thanks for reading.

On the bright side, if your bothered one way or another how you look then the depression cant be too serious.
Worry more when you seriously dont care/forget about looks/image.

Been diagnosed with depression. I also have social anxiety disorder and aspergers. Basically I'm pretty fucked.

Ignore diagnosis (but take meds etc)- go with how you feel, a diagnosis does not fuck you, being fucked fucks you.

That's just it Flicky. In my own head, I've known for years. I've openly told people I'm autistic for years too. It should have been glaringly obvious to a professional imho.

But because one person decided that, although he had never in his career seen such high scores on the questionnaires about how you are affected and how you deal with situations, I wasn't autistic, on the basis that I was able to maintain some eye contact with him - something I'd conditioned myself to do in a career in customer service, but isn't natural and feels very uncomfortable - there has been no help or support, and I've been made to feel that I was making it all up.

To be honest, it completely screwed with my head, because in your darkest hours, you start thinking that you must be going mad. You're suffering all these issues, but actually you are normal, so what the fuck is it that's preventing you from doing all the things that seem so easy for everyone else?

Every time work changed my job without giving me proper training/coaching/mentoring, every interview where I was expected to role play without being able to visualise the scenario etc., I should have been protected from, but there was nothing.

I reckon I may be on the autistic or more likely aspergic scale (or is it same scale) how did you get diagnosed, no one listens to what I say unless I go totally mental, and do not feel that mental at the mo.

 

[eddyr]

On the bright side, if your bothered one way or another how you look then the depression cant be too serious.
Worry more when you seriously dont care/forget about looks/image.



Ignore diagnosis (but take meds etc)- go with how you feel, a diagnosis does not fuck you, being fucked fucks you.



I reckon I may be on the autistic or more likely aspergic scale (or is it same scale) how did you get diagnosed, no one listens to what I say unless I go totally mental, and do not feel that mental at the mo.

You can't give up. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have to find a way to adapt to the world now. It feels so alien to me, but I'll do my best to cope and adapt.

 

[kensplace]

You can't give up. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have to find a way to adapt to the world now. It feels so alien to me, but I'll do my best to cope and adapt.

And if you ever find a time where you cant cope, reach out for help - even if its just walking into A&E - i was told that after I once got that bad and did reach out for help by going to doctor but could not get past receptionist as I could not string a sentence together apart from "something wrong with my head".
Told to just walk into a&E.

Good luck - things will get better in time.

 

[Kevin Arnott's right boot]

I reckon I may be on the autistic or more likely aspergic scale (or is it same scale) how did you get diagnosed, no one listens to what I say unless I go totally mental, and do not feel that mental at the mo.

You have to be patient and play the game unfortunately. I knew that going to anti anxiety classes, and CBT was utterly pointless in the sense that the things they were talking about weren't really relevant to me, but you have to go along and keep telling them so in the feedback. It was depressing because you know it's a waste of everyone's time and money for you to be there, but its something you have to do. I attempted suicide in 2011, and was put on anti-depressants which tbh just turned me into a zombie. I just felt totally lethargic.

Eventually, when I got made redundant, I e-mailed an autism charity, who although I knew that they couldn't do anything for me without a diagnosis, I thought they might have some ideas as to how I could get a diagnosis, and I'd use the redundancy to pay for it privately if need be. They sent me details to give to my GP as to how to request funding.

It still took another 6 months to get a referral, but I had a diagnosis within 2 sessions. I found the sessions to be very tough mentally though, because you are asked loads of questions and many of them you can only really answer "I don't know" to. It's better if you have a close friend or family member that can go with you, as they can sometimes see things about you that you don't realise and help to answer, but in my case I was completely on my own.

 

[Abu Dhabi Red and White]

That's just it Flicky. In my own head, I've known for years. I've openly told people I'm autistic for years too. It should have been glaringly obvious to a professional imho.

But because one person decided that, although he had never in his career seen such high scores on the questionnaires about how you are affected and how you deal with situations, I wasn't autistic, on the basis that I was able to maintain some eye contact with him - something I'd conditioned myself to do in a career in customer service, but isn't natural and feels very uncomfortable - there has been no help or support, and I've been made to feel that I was making it all up.

To be honest, it completely screwed with my head, because in your darkest hours, you start thinking that you must be going mad. You're suffering all these issues, but actually you are normal, so what the fuck is it that's preventing you from doing all the things that seem so easy for everyone else?

Every time work changed my job without giving me proper training/coaching/mentoring, every interview where I was expected to role play without being able to visualise the scenario etc., I should have been protected from, but there was nothing.

I agree with you but awareness of these situations (and strategies for dealing with them) by employers will unfortunately probably remain limited in most work situations (at least in the near future) - recognition of and appropriate support for the challenges faced by human 'resources' can only take place if there is knowledge and training given to the employer and willingness shown by them.
It is great that you are so open - perhaps if you give the employer an idea of the support you need, they might try to accommodate you (however, of course this is a risk as some employers want solutions from staff and not what could be perceived as 'problems').

Best of luck!

 

[kensplace]

I agree with you but awareness of these situations (and strategies for dealing with them) by employers will unfortunately probably remain limited in most work situations (at least in the near future) - recognition of and appropriate support for the challenges faced by human 'resources' can only take place if there is knowledge and training given to the employer and willingness shown by them.
It is great that you are so open - perhaps if you give the employer an idea of the support you need, they might try to accommodate you (however, of course this is a risk as some employers want solutions from staff and not what could be perceived as 'problems').

Best of luck!

Indeed, not all employers are good.
Somewhere like google would proably bend over backwards to accomodate someone with aspergers for example, and under law depression/autism/any disability really should be taken into consideration and provided for.
But its not always the case, and sometimes even big global companies are as bad if not worse than small ones.
I for example use to work for the Sage Group in Newcastle (the accountancy software providers just so no innocent firm gets tarred) and when I was diagnosed I had a PRIVATE word with the big boss in the department, he took me back to my seat and walked away (in a massive open plan office) saying very loudly HES ON PROZAC.
I had others walk past called me a 'schizo' I had the company sending me to a private shrink trying to prove i was schizo and they the sage group refused to give me a copy of the findings.
The refused to make reasonable adjustments (in fact they did everything in their power imo to make things worse).
then they screwed me over, fitted me up , broke countless employment laws and ruined my life.

Just dont expect a miracle from a diagnosis, some firms are just pure evil.

 

[Abu Dhabi Red and White]

Indeed, not all employers are good.
Somewhere like google would proably bend over backwards to accomodate someone with aspergers for example, and under law depression/autism/any disability really should be taken into consideration and provided for.
But its not always the case, and sometimes even big global companies are as bad if not worse than small ones.
I for example use to work for the Sage Group in Newcastle (the accountancy software providers just so no innocent firm gets tarred) and when I was diagnosed I had a PRIVATE word with the big boss in the department, he took me back to my seat and walked away (in a massive open plan office) saying very loudly HES ON PROZAC.
I had others walk past called me a 'schizo' I had the company sending me to a private shrink trying to prove i was schizo and they the sage group refused to give me a copy of the findings.
The refused to make reasonable adjustments (in fact they did everything in their power imo to make things worse).
then they screwed me over, fitted me up , broke countless employment laws and ruined my life.

Just dont expect a miracle from a diagnosis, some firms are just pure evil.

Shocking!

 

[Kevin Arnott's right boot]

I agree with you but awareness of these situations (and strategies for dealing with them) by employers will unfortunately probably remain limited in most work situations (at least in the near future) - recognition of and appropriate support for the challenges faced by human 'resources' can only take place if there is knowledge and training given to the employer and willingness shown by them.
It is great that you are so open - perhaps if you give the employer an idea of the support you need, they might try to accommodate you (however, of course this is a risk as some employers want solutions from staff and not what could be perceived as 'problems').

Best of luck!

I'm out of work at the minute, so it isn't really an issue, apart from trying to get into work while having a disability which shouldn't be a problem in this day and age, but there are always times when you are going to come across prejudiced people.

With my last employer, I was very clear with what I needed, and that, when there were certain things that I couldn't do, it wasn't "poor performance", it was that I was physically unable to do these things but, without a diagnosis, they wouldn't make any allowances. In many ways, I can see their point, why should I be given special treatment just because I say I should?

 

[kensplace]

Shocking!

gets worse, lost career, pension, 150k shares, and then the union screwed me over, then the justice system with a judge saying "I dont care about the state of your clients mental health" then the DWP/ATOS etc.
Its a nice world in theory, but theory is just that, reality is often different.
Especially if you stand up against bullies.

I'm out of work at the minute, so it isn't really an issue, apart from trying to get into work while having a disability which shouldn't be a problem in this day and age, but there are always times when you are going to come across prejudiced people.

With my last employer, I was very clear with what I needed, and that, when there were certain things that I couldn't do, it wasn't "poor performance", it was that I was physically unable to do these things but, without a diagnosis, they wouldn't make any allowances. In many ways, I can see their point, why should I be given special treatment just because I say I should?

Because the law says you should.
Because the law says that because many clever people have debated it over a long time and came to the conclusion ANY one of us could be in that position at any time, and any one of us could need that help.
Sadly few people respect law these days.

 

[Kevin Arnott's right boot]

Because the law says you should.
Because the law says that because many clever people have debated it over a long time and came to the conclusion ANY one of us could be in that position at any time, and any one of us could need that help.
Sadly few people respect law these days.

Only once I'm diagnosed. Until then it's just me saying that I should

 

[Abu Dhabi Red and White]

Only once I'm diagnosed. Until then it's just me saying that I should

Sorry - I thought you said you were now diagnosed.

 

[Kevin Arnott's right boot]

Sorry - I thought you said you were now diagnosed.

Was finally diagnosed yesterday.

 

[kensplace]

Only once I'm diagnosed. Until then it's just me saying that I should

Oddly under the equality act as I understand it, you dont even need a diagnosis, it would be up to the adujicatiing body to determine if you have a disablity so you could ask for the help and it would be up to the courts to decide if you fit the definition of disabled.
You dont even need to be disabled, your covered if your gettting hassled/problems just because you associate with a disabled person or are wrongly thought of as disabled when your not.

Its the employers job to take it to court if in doubt if you need the help, not to assume you dont. At least as I see it.

 

[peil]

On the bright side, if your bothered one way or another how you look then the depression cant be too serious.
Worry more when you seriously dont care/forget about looks/image.

Aye, glad I noticed the scratching and started doing something about it rather than retreat into a cocoon like I've done before. Think this is the first time I've noticed the early signs it was coming back, and forced myself to get moving.

 

[Shaw tarse]

Thanks everyone, it means an awful lot.

I've got a brilliant doc for a change now so hopefully I'll get sorted soon. For anyone who knows about bipolar or is interested at all, I'm currently in something called a 'mixed state'. The shorthand version is that I'm depressed & manic all at the same time, it is so tiring!

How are you?

 

[Deleted member 5265]

Just popping in to say hello to everyone who's been on this thread, particularly those who've been through or are going through the mill. Been thinking about this thread and everyone on it.

 

[mackem_jo2]

How are you?

Battling, exhausted, at the end of my tether... Meds side effects are horrific, I can't settle & it looks like my return to work is slipping further away.

Getting more isolated too which isn't helping.

Thanks for asking, it means a lot x

 

[chopsfc007]

million dollar question how do you know if its depression or just feeling down all the time

 

[Deleted member 5265]

million dollar question how do you know if its depression or just feeling down all the time

If in any doubt go to your GP.

 

[mackem_jo2]

having a crappy night, really really tired of fighting this fucker i really am.

just want to go outside and walk and walk and walk, sounds daft i know and once I'm out there i'd feel so exposed and obvious to all that I'm crackers.

I just want it to go away, i want to be normal.