Chemo. Maybe no more

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CatRyan said:
Foggy I really struggle reading your posts. You're legacy is already an embarrassment of riches but is there anything you would particularly wish as your legacy that perhaps the board might be able to bring about?
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For you to get a permanent ban... 😂

Joking, Foggy, an inspirational and moving OP as always.

Cat 😘 you mad bint.
 
foggy said:
I think it would have been 38. I didn’t really say much during the last two as they were tablet form. Nowhere near the hell that is the infusion based stuff that was due to go in now.

A recap. I had a scan back at the beginning of last month which showed control in the peri mets but not the liver. Then I was supposed to go back on to Folfox infusions but a bad liver blood diagnosis put paid to that. Well that and me turning up blinking trying to hide the pain in front of the not to be fooled chemo nurses.

Then a wait to see oncologist last week who said I could go ahead at the risk of damage to my liver. Like the bad type of damage. It’s giving me plenty of gyp anyway so fuck it. I take steroids to try and control the liver ‘capsule’ pain. These keep me awake and have mood affects but they work.

Another call this morning to cancel today’s treatment. Liver still no good. Bollocks.

The rest of my pain has hit new heights meaning a few visits from Macmillan to try and get a hold on it. Next visit is tomorrow. It’s all made worse by eating but I find that as necessary as everyone else. I’ve lost weight again although the steroids have got my sweet tooth buzzing.

I’m also pretty much housebound. No longer able to walk the dog. Movement ramps up the pain levels so unless there is a wonder drug to come then this is my lot. Accept and move on. I have plenty of help with the dog so I can enjoy the company side of things. She goes without nothing in the exercise stakes. My network of family and friends are tippety top. Plus she’s the world’s best dog so they love having her.

The bairn has been up and around before she goes back for post grad. I’m still up in the air about the degree result. When most things in life are a bit tough then the good bits shine out like a beacon.

I’m obsessed with leaving things organised. For her. Inheritance. The homey house stuff. It’s like a big bag pack. I’m long past the scared of death phase. I had anxiety last year but not now. I found the best way was to let the fear and desperation have its time. I couldn’t stop it happening so it was welcome to run its course. And it always did. I can’t stay scared of the same monster. It just becomes familiar. Unwanted but familiar.

I managed two outings to Northumberland. First with Bec in July. Then with our lass at the end of August. Just as Storm Bitchtits was here pissing down. The last one was tough pain wise but the cottage was cosy as.

Just off a video call with GP. The same GP who couldn’t sanction a scan back when I was 47. Yes really. To look and no doubt discover the first tumour. Instead I had an emergency op later on which allowed the baddies to plant themselves elsewhere leading to where I am now. Bygones. I could stress about it but it never helps.


All the best
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Your fortitude is an example to everyone
 
CatRyan said:
Foggy I really struggle reading your posts. You're legacy is already an embarrassment of riches but is there anything you would particularly wish as your legacy that perhaps the board might be able to bring about?
Click to expand...

Thank you for the thought but oh no. I’m slightly awkward with attention as it is. This place has always been my release and I wish for no more than that.

Just be kind to each other. That’s for everyone. Even the politics lot. We already have that club of ours as a common bond. They give us enough angst to be going on with.
 
foggy said:
Thank you for the thought but oh no. I’m slightly awkward with attention as it is. This place has always been my release and I wish for no more than that.

Just be kind to each other. That’s for everyone. Even the politics lot. We already have that club of ours as a common bond. They give us enough angst to be going on with.
Click to expand...
With all the goodwill and love for you on this board, I fear requesting kindness in the political discussions is beyond even your not inconsiderable thrall. Maybe start with something more realistic like an end to Global Warming.
 
foggy said:
I think it would have been 38. I didn’t really say much during the last two as they were tablet form. Nowhere near the hell that is the infusion based stuff that was due to go in now.

A recap. I had a scan back at the beginning of last month which showed control in the peri mets but not the liver. Then I was supposed to go back on to Folfox infusions but a bad liver blood diagnosis put paid to that. Well that and me turning up blinking trying to hide the pain in front of the not to be fooled chemo nurses.

Then a wait to see oncologist last week who said I could go ahead at the risk of damage to my liver. Like the bad type of damage. It’s giving me plenty of gyp anyway so fuck it. I take steroids to try and control the liver ‘capsule’ pain. These keep me awake and have mood affects but they work.

Another call this morning to cancel today’s treatment. Liver still no good. Bollocks.

The rest of my pain has hit new heights meaning a few visits from Macmillan to try and get a hold on it. Next visit is tomorrow. It’s all made worse by eating but I find that as necessary as everyone else. I’ve lost weight again although the steroids have got my sweet tooth buzzing.

I’m also pretty much housebound. No longer able to walk the dog. Movement ramps up the pain levels so unless there is a wonder drug to come then this is my lot. Accept and move on. I have plenty of help with the dog so I can enjoy the company side of things. She goes without nothing in the exercise stakes. My network of family and friends are tippety top. Plus she’s the world’s best dog so they love having her.

The bairn has been up and around before she goes back for post grad. I’m still up in the air about the degree result. When most things in life are a bit tough then the good bits shine out like a beacon.

I’m obsessed with leaving things organised. For her. Inheritance. The homey house stuff. It’s like a big bag pack. I’m long past the scared of death phase. I had anxiety last year but not now. I found the best way was to let the fear and desperation have its time. I couldn’t stop it happening so it was welcome to run its course. And it always did. I can’t stay scared of the same monster. It just becomes familiar. Unwanted but familiar.

I managed two outings to Northumberland. First with Bec in July. Then with our lass at the end of August. Just as Storm Bitchtits was here pissing down. The last one was tough pain wise but the cottage was cosy as.

Just off a video call with GP. The same GP who couldn’t sanction a scan back when I was 47. Yes really. To look and no doubt discover the first tumour. Instead I had an emergency op later on which allowed the baddies to plant themselves elsewhere leading to where I am now. Bygones. I could stress about it but it never helps.


All the best
Click to expand...
Afternoon marra. Where to start? What to say? We are in your corner always. We can never give back what you’ve given us. Perspective, an example of courage and fortitude in the face of this... this thing. Whenever I feel I’m having a shit day ( and there are a few) I think of you and your journey and the shame kicks me arse in gear. I see all the shit going on around us, all the pissing and moaning and arguing and slagging that goes on. And then there’s you. My mrs doesn’t post on here, she has little interest, she thinks we are all nutters ( but in a good way) She does however read your posts since I showed her one of the early ones when her sister got sick ( recovered now thankfully) she’s read every one since then. You have no idea how much positive impact you’ve had and what a difference you have made. She sends you her kindest regards, thanks and very best wishes. Keep at the bastard mate.
 
Dilligaf60 said:
Afternoon marra. Where to start? What to say? We are in your corner always. We can never give back what you’ve given us. Perspective, an example of courage and fortitude in the face of this... this thing. Whenever I feel I’m having a shit day ( and there are a few) I think of you and your journey and the shame kicks me arse in gear. I see all the shit going on around us, all the pissing and moaning and arguing and slagging that goes on. And then there’s you. My mrs doesn’t post on here, she has little interest, she thinks we are all nutters ( but in a good way) She does however read your posts since I showed her one of the early ones when her sister got sick ( recovered now thankfully) she’s read every one since then. You have no idea how much positive impact you’ve had and what a difference you have made. She sends you her kindest regards, thanks and very best wishes. Keep at the bastard mate.
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Thank you kind sir and all the best to your Mrs. It means a great deal to hear of the positive stuff people take out of all of this.

I can honestly say I feel a level a contentment I never thought I would reach. Part of that is having this place and good people like yourself.
 
foggy said:
Thank you kind sir and all the best to your Mrs. It means a great deal to hear of the positive stuff people take out of all of this.

I can honestly say I feel a level a contentment I never thought I would reach. Part of that is having this place and good people like yourself.
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Mate I can’t adequately describe the good you have done and the difference you have made.
 
foggy said:
Thank you kind sir and all the best to your Mrs. It means a great deal to hear of the positive stuff people take out of all of this.

I can honestly say I feel a level a contentment I never thought I would reach. Part of that is having this place and good people like yourself.
Click to expand...
Good to hear Foggy
As I walked up Blencathra today (following your suggestion) I was thinking of the good times walking up there as a kid with my Da and one of my brothers, another ex Lenny that the C took in his fifties, I didn’t feel sad, I had a smile on my face that we had the times we had. We never know when our time will be up but it’s good to be at peace with the time you’re had and what you’ll leave behind.
Keep on smilin” on
 
Billy Fish said:
Good to hear Foggy
As I walked up Blencathra today (following your suggestion) I was thinking of the good times walking up there as a kid with my Da and one of my brothers, another ex Lenny that the C took in his fifties, I didn’t feel sad, I had a smile on my face that we had the times we had. We never know when our time will be up but it’s good to be at peace with the time you’re had and what you’ll leave behind.
Keep on smilin” on
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Takes me back. Plodging across acres of mud to go to the toilet block on the camp site at Bassenthwaite in your wellies and cagoule. Walking up Skiddaw and looking back out over the Lake District. Kendal Mint Cake. The Haflinger 4 wheel drive laying out the trail for the hounds. Dad cooking how many rounds of bacon for our breakfasts. Fishing for perch & pike on the lakeside getting attacked by every critter known to mankind that bites.

Happy days indeed.

I've been sanding down the windows this afternoon so I'm definitely putting it down to dust in the eyes there.
 
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Flared Hicks said:
Takes me back. Plodging across acres of mud to go to the toilet block on the camp site at Bassenthwaite in your wellies and cagoule. Walking up Skiddaw and looking back out over the Lake District. Kendal Mint Cake. The Haflinger 4 wheel drive laying out the trail for the hounds. Dad cooking how many rounds of bacon for our breakfasts. Fishing for perch & pike on the lakeside getting attacked by every critter known to mankind that bites.

Happy days indeed.

I've been sanding down the windows this afternoon so I'm definitely putting it down to dust in the eyes there.
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Don’t forget getting stranded in a rubber dinghy and having to be rescued by the kayakers...! We might have floated all the way to “the other side” scary.
The pair of them loved the hills, would have been in their element today.
 
Hope the lads continue to do the business on the pitch for you Foggy. Been a surprisingly decent start to the season, long may it continue. And maybe you can raise a toast of a milky cup of tea in return!
 
foggy said:
Thank you for the thought but oh no. I’m slightly awkward with attention as it is. This place has always been my release and I wish for no more than that.

Just be kind to each other. That’s for everyone. Even the politics lot. We already have that club of ours as a common bond. They give us enough angst to be going on with.
Click to expand...
 
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