Your favourite Bible story?

[shadowplay]

The one where God said to Abraham go kill me a son, and Abe said man, you must be putting me on.

Anyone fancy starting your favourite Koran story?

OP you game?

A lot of them are the same stories anyway.

 

[PTR]

That the one where Lot's daughters get drunk and shag their old man?

more the bit where he offers his daughters to be gang raped by a mob. I say "offer", actual he "beggeded them" to do it. Nice.

 

[NodsNeph]

There's a moral to that story. Laugh at a baldy and it won't end well

Now there is an example of telling lies.
My favourite book is Genesis where the rogue angels come down and shag the daughters of men, producing giant offspring the Nephalim. It would make a good film.

Without which the best band ever may not have existed... to

 

[shadowplay]

The one where that lad is born into poverty in a manger and morphs into Santa Claus and spends thousands of pounds on gifts, riding in a sleigh that goes around the world in 24 hours.

Saint Nicholas was born in a manger?

 

[Osklen]

The burning bush when some bugga set fire to the Wheatsheaf in Chilton.

I thought it was the singing bush where he had to go to summon the invisible swordsman.

 

[Lukas73]

The one where Moses and all his Marra’s get to this git deep sea n’that...
And they’re all like, ‘no way are
We going through that man, we’ll get our Sandles all wet n’shit’
Then Moses goes all Jedi powers or something...they leave Egypt but miss out on duty free, gutted Camel fags were 2 for 1...

 

[dangermows]

Noah getting his ark built because God was pissed off with Black Eye Friday.

In the modern version he cancelled the metros.

 

[johnna]

Without which the best band ever may not have existed... to

what have i missed here then?

 

[NodsNeph]

what have i missed here then?

Fields of the Nephilim marra

 

[joemcdokes]

The one where God said to Abraham go kill me a son, and Abe said man, you must be putting me on.



A lot of them are the same stories anyway.

Priests and boys?

 

[pillars of hercules]

Kings ? You've got to love the old testament like


There are some missing scriptures from the bible that fill in the blanks on this one

Enoch I believe in the Ethiopian orthodox script.

 

[Vinny the Mackem]

I like the one where they time travel and sit in the car park of an open Taybarns that has been shut for a year.

 

[Kent_Mackem]

Of course it is.

We had one of those huge illustrated family bibles. I remember pouring over the image of Samson pushing over the temple pillars on a day like today. Hellish drama for an eight year old.

We had the Children’s Illustrated Bible. I read it from cover to cover loads of times. Makes me very familiar with what is written in there...... which isn’t great news for the religious authorities and their Marketing department. They prefer ignorance and weak willed people.

 

[Bugsy]

The one where that bloke was going round telling everybody he shad shit loads of money but then when he was asked for some he said he’d spent it on fixing his lift

 

[Strawbs were class]

The feeding of the four thousand, went under the radar due to the ealier shit that went on with the five but the menu was better. Matt 15:32:39

 

[Anthony From Blue]

Story of Job ...

loses control of the company he founded, but comes back to make it the most valuable company in the world.

Aye, after the Devil sent an SMS to God 'that Jerb only likes ya coz he has a sexy wife, loads of stuff and all that'.

 

[Nipple Salad]

The one where Jesus gets into trouble with some rough kids from the neighbourhood, so Mary sends him to live with his Aunt and Uncle. At first he struggles to fit in, but eventually he adopts to their very different life style.

Fresh Prince of Beth Air

Of course it is.

We had one of those huge illustrated family bibles. I remember pouring over the image of Samson pushing over the temple pillars on a day like today. Hellish drama for an eight year old.

We had one of them anarl. As a bairn that story was like my first Hollywood blockbuster. Die Philistine assholes!

 

[OohBaldyBally]

The one where God decides completely out of nowhere to kill Moses, but Moses's wife talks God out of it by quickly circumcising their infant son with a piece of flint and touching her husband's feet with the severed foreskin.

Yes, I too googled "weird Bible stories"

What about the one where David collected the foreskins of a defeated army?

The bible is full of some pretty weird shit isn’t it.

 

[NYMackem]

Ezekial 23:20

"There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose ejaculate was like that of horses."

The bible the Americans read (NIV) is more simplified English than the one we read in school (King James), and explains a lot about why their politics is so f***ing mental.

 

[Mr.Thunders]

The one where everything was perfect before a woman fucked it all up