Worst Ever Christmas Present



My cretinous ex-girlfriend texting me on Christmas morning about five years after we'd broken up asking me if I was dying of aids.

I suppose it's the thought that counts.
 
An Olly Murs CD.

To our lass of me :)

We were having a holiday as a present to each other and she said, 'no presents'. So I bought her nowt but at the time she liked Olly Murs so...

I've never heard the last of it :)
 
My nana a few years ago wrapped a tin of de icer up ( among other things) for me ...

Upside was my sister bought me a fart machine which I tucked down the back of her chair... never realised how much fun it could be watching an elderly woman pleading her innocence after every fart...
 
every year from about '79-85 I got 2 sets of matching vest and y-fronts of my nana wobbly along with some matchbox cars.

When I was 19, my ex told me she was pregnant and gave me a card with thirty quid in it...
 
On the phone to my dad, he’s just reminded me of my little sister getting a doll with a head that came off. When you took the head off there was a massive, sharp metal spike in it.
 
My Dad once bought my Mam a hedgehog that turned into coasters, and a book entitled ‘How To Lose Your Midriff Through Belly Dancing’. Hahahahaha.
Needless to say they were divorced not long after.
It did make a humorous anecdote at his funeral mind.
 

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