Things bairns say......

Discussion in 'SMB' started by becs, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. Tongey

    Tongey Midfield Contributor

    Trying to read some of these at work without bursting out laughing is difficult :lol: been pretending to cough/sneeze to cover it up
    Zig81 likes this.
  2. U22

    U22 Central Defender

    Don't poor that ****:lol:
    daveftm86 likes this.
  3. I'm convinced my 3 year old is a psychopath in training. My missus was annoyed because the older bairn had been cleaning his football boots in the bathroom but had got mud and grass all over the floor and hadn't bothered to tidy it up.

    The missus takes one look at it and says "I'm going to kill your brother". To which the 3 year old replies "it's ok mammy, I'll go and get a gun and I'll kill him for you".
    Arkle and Lambchops like this.
  4. elder

    elder Striker

    our youngest, both said at the top of her voice in public:

    in the supermarket: "mam why does that women have a big bum?"
    when she saw a dwarf: "mam look a medium sized person"
  5. Oh aye, another one from my slightly mad 3 year old. His aunt had a couple of cats. One of them got ill and had to be put down. We went down the road of honesty, just telling the bairn that one of the cats had got poorly and died. My lasses brother went down the road of telling his bairn that the cat had gone to live on a farm where there was more animals for it to play with.

    This backfired when they both stayed at their nanas for the night. My lasses brothers bairn was nicely telling his nana about the cat going to a farm. My bairn overheard this, swaggered up, said "nah, the cats dead, it got knacked by a dinosaur" and walked back off again, leaving the other bairn in tears
    super noodles and Arkle like this.
  6. Dagzd1973

    Dagzd1973 Midfield

    My daughter (7 at the time) came home from school once and after several minutes asked... "Dad... what's a Paedophile?" :eek: :lol: Blew me away. Try explaining that to a 7 year old. Not fucking easy I can assure you.

    My Dad got me a Super Nintendo when I was 9 or 10, but didn't get a game I'd wanted. I wasn't bothered like. I was over the moon, dancing around the room. He laughs says to me... "Are you disappointed?". I gans.. "Nor nor! I'm pointed!" :cool:
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
  7. Lambchops

    Lambchops Striker

    At the inlaws the other week and her aunt came in to see the kids - she said to Atilla, 'if your dad calls the baby his princess, what does he call you? - the bairns response 'shitey arse' and walked out the room
    Big Sharp Teeth likes this.
  8. WildTurkey

    WildTurkey Midfield

    What's this 'Atilla' nonsense?
  9. Arkle

    Arkle Striker Contributor

    Fixed for you...
  10. Lambchops

    Lambchops Striker

    its the boys name
    KarenDent likes this.
  11. WildTurkey

    WildTurkey Midfield

    having a civilised conversation with my eldest about why he doesn't believe in god. He was pointing out all the Hausas of 'why are there natural disasters' and 'why do young kids die of nasty diseases' if they is a god

    Little 'un pipes up, 'yeah, there wouldn't be nettles that sting you either'

    Is this a whoosh?
  12. Lambchops

    Lambchops Striker

    nah, wifes slovak/hungarian and its a family name
  13. Tongey

    Tongey Midfield Contributor

    Similar, both my brothers bairns were stopping at my mam and dads (im still at home), younger of the 2 used to bully the older one a bit (push him, take toys off him etc). One day he walked into the room, said this isnt your grandma and grandad, its just mine, you have none and walked out. Older one just stood there looking shocked and sad. Would have only been aged 2&3 at the time :lol:
    Guinness Guzzler likes this.
  14. Dagzd1973

    Dagzd1973 Midfield

    A few years ago I was in Hendon using the postoffice cashpoint when a granny walked past with 2 under-5 girls. One of them was excitedly telling the Nan a story about something that happened at school, when she blurted out.. "Aye aye, then I said "Fuck off man you black kuntt!". :eek: The Nan didn't even flinch until I turned around in utter shock and went "Eeeee", at which point the Nan pretended to be shocked and mumbled something to the kid. :rolleyes:

    Racism is still rife in Sunderland. :cool:
  15. Tin Soldier

    Tin Soldier Striker

    My grandaughter only 4 had no concept of the death of my beloved Mam who she referred to as 'Pet'.
    When her cat was put to sleep and my daughter was distraught at the vets the bairn asked whether 'Pet' would be waiting with some cat food ?!?
  16. I knar.. but attilla... surely you could have gone Italian.. Asprilia
  17. Lambchops

    Lambchops Striker

    I'll marry an Italian lass next
    Epping likes this.
  18. gan German and have an Adolf
    super noodles and Lambchops like this.

  19. Kids are class, when my lad was about 3 we were on holiday in Cyprus it was greek night and we were queing up for the food, lady in front of me and the bairn was the spit and dab of Esther Rantzen, she turned round to say something to the little un when he looked up and stated loudly as they do "Me likes yours big teeth" :D :oops:
    Cockney Mackem and Lambchops like this.
  20. fecker

    fecker Central Defender

    My 7 yr old grandson said last week, Grandad do you know if you had your legs ripped off your nuts would still be in place. Where that come from no one knows.

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