Things bairns say......

Discussion in 'SMB' started by becs, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. Chappers

    Chappers Striker

    Daughter doing her homework on creating a logo. It's tree with birds flying away from it.

    Me - it's an eagle
    Daughter - no it isn't
    Me - yes it is. That's an eagle
    Daughter - no it isn't
    Me - I'm telling you that Is an eagle.
    Daughter - dad, the school said that if we are allowed to download it and paste it into the word document it isn't illegal.

    Oh how we chuckled.
    KarenDent likes this.
  2. daedalus

    daedalus Winger

    I know this story from a relative.
  3. Sussex By The Sea

    Sussex By The Sea Central Defender

    My daughter during the I want to wear makeup phase and us always countering with you're not big enough.

    We were stood in the queue in Tesco and head "MUM, MUUUUUM" turning round there was our little angel stood next to a dwarf lady, doing the measuring thing with her hand, "Look, she's wearing makeup and I'm bigger than her"
  4. Kevsgreat

    Kevsgreat Striker

    The bairn (3) has come out with some completely unprompted corkers that've got me in the bad books the past few weeks.

    First, when getting told off by his mam, he said "Mammy's always grumpy". She looked at me like thunder and he finished "...when she's tired". I'd have preferred he left it at the pause.

    Again, getting told off by his mam, he comes out with "We'll I don't care because Mammy's always wrong and Daddy's always right."

    She won't be convinced I've never said either of them things to him. He's just an astute kid.
    Doberman likes this.
  5. Spennymackem1981

    Spennymackem1981 Central Defender

    first time abroud when the bairn was 3 when we were down the beach and the lucky lucky man approached with his fake sunglasses

    daughter asked why he was painted glad he seen the funny side i didn't nah where to put me face
  6. Mick Dundee

    Mick Dundee Striker

    My 3 year old came out with a cracker the other night:

    "When I'm a big girl I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to help ladies have babies, I'll take the baby out of the mummy's tummy, then I'll put a nappy on the baby and give it a cuddle." [pauses for a couple of seconds] "Then I'll chop her hands off!"
    moo, Big Sharp Teeth, Epping and 5 others like this.
  7. Watching the world darts final on tele a couple of years back & Gary Anderson having an absolute nightmare phase trying to hit the doubles.
    He's my sons favourite player so the bairn was going apeshit at the box for him to raise his game & improve his current form.
    Me, after about ten minutes of his ranting at the television - "He can't actually hear you ya knar"
    Son, in a thick as fuck quizzical manner - "Gary Anderson's deaf?"
    Arkle and Longy like this.
  8. U22

    U22 Central Defender

    4 year old niece asked me shall we go and hit uncle brent in the head until he bleeds and is dead?

    My reply " no, keep on hitting him after he is dead as well "

    daveftm86 likes this.
  9. b1gals

    b1gals Winger

    My mate gets home from work to be told by his Missus that their 5 year old daughter had told his MIL to piss off and had been sent to her room. He was told to sort it so he went upstairs to give the lecture. Usual stuff followed .... you know it's naughty to should be good for Mammy and Nana etc etc. Then he asked "Why did you use those very naughty words to Nana?"
    His daughter looked at him, threw her arms in the air and said "Cos she was getting on me tits Dad":lol:
  10. Doberman

    Doberman Striker

  11. Amnorrageordie

    Amnorrageordie Midfield

    Mates daughter went missing in b&q. Everybody went daft looking for her. She was found in the kitchen and bathroom dept shouting mam, there's nee paper.
  12. hank williams

    hank williams Striker

    With our lasses daughter & her 4 year old the other day she said to me I look like a tramp Hank

    Bairn just got off the settee to walk out of room & said I kna you dee mam :lol:
  13. She should say Real Madrid and Becks :lol:
    Epping and becs like this.
  14. Fulwellmackem

    Fulwellmackem Central Defender

    Nephew has a small speech impediment and a mag, he's 6.....I think.....anyway he's giving it Sunderland are crap etc, I said come here and watch this, all the goals in the five in a row!!

    Our lass brother comes in and says what you watching.....

    His words: dad I'm supporting Sunderland now! Newcastle are fucking shit ha ha ha
    KarenDent and 123SunTan like this.
  15. :lol::lol:
    When I was a bairn 4/5 year old in the 70s I was on the bus with me mam when a black fella got on and sat behind us. I turned round to him, pointed at him and said "Mam what's that". She was a tad embarrassed and bright red.
    Soz. :oops:
  16. Crook Mackem

    Crook Mackem Striker

    At easter time our 2 were bouncing roubd the house singing the well known Little Mix song.....this is a shout out to my eggs
    Big Sharp Teeth likes this.
  17. Zig81

    Zig81 Striker

    When my oldest daughter was about 3 we were walking through town and we passed someone I was familiar with and he winked and said hello as we passed. My daughter comes out with "daddy, that man was wanking at you" in a rather loud voice. :lol:
    KarenDent and Tongey like this.
  18. b1gals

    b1gals Winger

    My nephew used to sing "Ooooohhhhh Ooooohhhh My Socks Are On Fire" to KOL
  19. Fumf

    Fumf Central Defender

    Took my lad to the Celtic game. On the way to the ground he said, "Sunderland aren't going to let us down today are they, dad?" I just smiled.

    When my daughter was about 3 we walked past a dwarf in Aycliffe. She just stopped dead, eyes wide, mouth open, pointed and at the top of her voice bellowed, "Dad, why is that woman so small?"
  20. daveftm86

    daveftm86 Full Back

    Poor Abe :lol:
    U22 likes this.

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