Things bairns say......

Discussion in 'SMB' started by becs, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. becs

    becs Striker Contributor

    Just cracked up laughing as my daughter randomly said:

    Mam, if you played for Barcelona, we could call you Mumtiti


    Anyone else got any funny ones?
    Marcosplace likes this.
  2. @muggboots Does this mean I have to tell the story about that lad and his kid on the bus again?
    PhilSAFC and muggboots like this.
  3. muggboots

    muggboots Striker

    Yes it fucking does. :lol:
  4. joemcdokes

    joemcdokes Striker

    'If you played for Barca I'd call you Messi'.

    'Get up them stairs and tidy your bedroom you little shit'.
    Tadger and Some Random Guy like this.
  5. Chesterladmackem

    Chesterladmackem Central Defender

    Little lad i know asked me mother if her hearing aid was a fidget spinner she kept behind her ear
  6. Okay, 90% on here prob know it but for those that don't... :lol:

    A lass I used to work with, her brother was on a bus in town one day with his lad who was about 3 at the time.

    This black couple get on with their bairn in a pram and the bairn is sqwaling.

    The lad turns to his Da and says innocently "Daddy, why won't that monkey stop crying?"

    Everyone on the bus turns and looks. The Da just grabs his bairn and rings the bell to get off. Neewhere near his intended destination.
  7. My bairn has came out with a few over the years.

    Top of my head was him telling the nursery nurse "I drink juice, Daddy drinks coffee, Mummy drinks wine".
  8. Lambchops

    Lambchops Striker

    Picked the boy up from nursery, walking home passed a barbers and the missus says 'let's get your hair cut Atilla' - bairns reply 'not there mine has great boobs' - he's not yet 3
    KarenDent, Dubai Si, duff_man and 3 others like this.
  9. waddy999

    waddy999 Winger

    Youngest grandson, just out of the bath, pointed to the wet impression of his bum on the bedroom wall and said...."Look mummy(Cheshire), a beautiful butterfly!"
    Some Random Guy likes this.
  10. Tongey

    Tongey Midfield Contributor


    Not me as don't have kids myself, but my nephew was at a Nursery and said to one of the women who worked there randomly, 'my daddy has a big tail'. Poor lass couldn't look at brother the same way again :lol: never knew he learned to lie at such a young age like
    Some Random Guy likes this.
  11. sad_ken

    sad_ken Central Defender

    "Is fuck a real word?" - 6 year old, loudly, whilst we were in a queue to pay for some clothes
  12. Aldyyyy

    Aldyyyy Winger

    'We have no money and I don't know what I'm doing'

    Oh you said Bairn and not Bain my mistake lollllll banter
  13. Kevj

    Kevj Winger

    My wife took my son out for a walk and he said hello to two passing lasses on horses. She said to him 'That's lovely saying hello'.
    He replied 'Dad said you should always say hello to girls on horses' :oops:
  14. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Central Defender

    In front of the fat bloke fitting our kitchen my daughter asked: "Daddy, why does that man have boobs?"
    muggboots and Some Random Guy like this.
  15. Big Sharp Teeth

    Big Sharp Teeth Striker

    My little girl was on the netty in a campsite in France the other night. I was waiting outside and she was shouting out a stream of questions to check I was still there. Her question of 'Daddy, what do you prefer, having a poo or having a coffee?' was the one that finally made the Dutch woman in the next cubicle burst out laughing.
  16. arthursboy

    arthursboy Midfield

    Not a bad question to be fair, poo for me.
    Lambchops and Big Sharp Teeth like this.
  17. :lol:
  18. Gene Hunt

    Gene Hunt Full Back

    :lol: Class.
    Having 2 boys myself, public toilets are always areas of extreme hilarity. My little one's favourite is laughing uncontrollably if someone lets rip in the next cubicle. Must be a bit embarrassing for the poor occupant.

    It's an unusual variation of daddy or chips in any case
  19. Reminds me of a long time ago, when number one son was on a bus when he was little. The only other people on were two older ladies who perhaps weren't in the best overall shape. They're chatting away about their arthritis and other ailments and number one son keeps looking at them. Then in a lull in the conversation he pipes up, loud enough for everyone to hear: "Dad, I thought only men are supposed to have a moustache..."
  20. I have two little boys, once my mate gave one of them a tenner.

    My mate said make sure you half it with your brother.

    So my little boy went to rip in two to literally give his brother half of it!!
    KarenDent and Eddie Hitler like this.

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