Strange things you've seen people do in public...



One hot summers day I saw an auld bloke walk off Southsea seafront in a git big pair of minging baggy Y fronts, queue up at the ice cream van and when it got to his turn asked the vendor for a pint of lager and lime. Anyhow, vendor telt him he didn't sell beer, only ice cream etc. Bloke said "ah, okay" turned his heels and went back to the beach.

It was more surreal than strange.
 
I seen a peanut stand, heard a rubber band
I seen a needle that winked its eye
But I be done seen about everything
When I see an elephant fly
 
Sitting in my solicitors office which was in itself a surreal experience due to the old oak desk and literally piles and piles of documentation on every conceivable available horizontal place, two tramps sat outside the window in manky tweed suits drinking wine from glass flutes. Little pinky finger aloft. I could hardly concentrate.
 
Saw a bloke try and piss between cartridges on the London Underground with the door wide open. The draft just splashed the piss all over himself. It was 6:30am, serves him right the scruffy twat.

Also a fat woman taking a dump in a bush behind a bench at Osterley station in broad daylight. I guess she thought the eastbound platform was empty and the next train wasn’t for 6 mins or so.... except my train pulled in the westbound platform and a dozen or so of us caught a long look at her squatting and the actual moment a turd fell out. Lots of tutting and giggling.
 
Driving scotch corner to penrith and on a deserted stretch of country road encountered a bloke on his own in full leatherface get up at the side of the road dancing manically and swinging a chainsaw around his head
 
There was a bloke lying in the middle of the LH lane in Curzon St, Mayfair having a coffee and ciggy today. Attention seekers are best dealt with by ignoring them.
 
A bloke i worked with went for a 5hit at Asda. Sat down did the business and realised there was no bog roll. So he decided the best course of action was to remove his socks and wipe his ar5e on them and go sockless instead. Not so bad if he wasnt the pharmacist in the shop at the time
You ‘see’ your works colleagues having shits?
 
Around 96 or maybe 97 was driving back home after midnight and almost at our street. Seen a Chinese lad wearing nothing but a pair of red undercrackers running down the middle of the main road. No one else or anything in sight. Our lass was also in the car and we both burst out laughing at how bizarre it was.

On another occasion I was in a rough pub in Barnsley called the Oliver Twist. Seen a couple with a baby. They bought a half of Guinness, poured it into the baby's bottle and proceeded to feed it the whole lot as if now was the matter.
 

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