Yes I’m here.
6 months ago I was waking up in intensive care with tubes and drains everywhere. They got the cancer out. I was the only person from the north east trust who got the Hipec cytoreductive op on the Nash according to my surgeon. I had to go to Basingstoke. For 3 f***ing weeks. But they cut all of it out of me. This after being told I was terminal and placed into palliative care with chemo to put the brakes on at best.
I got huge support from loads on here. Even prayers for my first shit after my guts had been ripped apart and stitched back up again. The shit eventually arrived and they let me home not long after. I thank you all.
I did say it was my dream to reach a point where I could get to a match and that point is now.
I had my 6 month CT scan on Friday so I am now in Scanxiety, a bit like Purdah but worse. I can’t really plan anything until the results are in. If bits of cancer were missed and have decided they like my abdomen then I think it will show on the scans this time. The biopsy showed it was an aggressive type. My 3 month scan was clear but this is the big one. If I’m clear the chemo port comes out of my chest. I don’t normally write or think ifs. One stage at a time.
I’m anxious. I haven’t been out out for a long time. And there are lots of people here. I’ve purposely come on my own as I want to savour but I feel like I’m watching a film play out in front of me. I don’t feel part of it. I don’t feel part of people. I’ve been at home convalescing and not got further than the cinema, a remote cottage up the Lakes and the odd pub meal.
But now I’m in amongst and while I’m excited I’m going on ridiculous. I’m nearly 50 and I’m nervous. My mate is picking me up after so I don’t have that to worry about. In me I have morphine, anticonvulsants, paracetamol and beer. And a free meal. Yes I’m in the posh bit. Fuck it. But I’m still anxious.
Dear me. What a massive vagina.
Anyway.
I made it.
All the best.
Enjoy mate, delighted for you
My big sis is back in hospital as of yesterday. Her fight goes on...