So a bloke with his wife and daughter walk into a bar in Amble...

I worked on schemes and managed to get a job at Aladdins flask factory in Brenda road. I had a great chance to be taken on and then it closed down.
A few badly paid schemes later and I decided to go scrapping.
I borrowed the money for a small van and went scrapping. The problem was I couldn't afford insurance and tax and test at the time so I just ran around locally just picking up bits here and there and weighing it in a few times a day.

The chances of being pulled up were always there and I managed to have a long run before I was pulled up.
The fines were minimal for test or tax and none of this taking off the road stuff in those days.
The insurance I got fined £90 for and 6 penalty points (I think).

Anyway, the tyres I was fined £25 for.
No test alone was £50.
Tax was back pay and court costs iirc.

The theft was when I had a pickup. I picked up a few railway chairs that were scattered about on waste ground on the docks and was told I was trespassing but also anything taken from the ground was classed as theft and I was fined £95.

The burglary was a right farce.

Scrapping again in the same pickup, me and a mate were told houses in Easington were being gutted and people had flung all kinds of scrap out.
We went up and collected bits but many others had also cleaned up a lot of it.

I was rummaging about in the yards and my mate looked to see if anything was left in the gutted houses.
The police turned up and asked us what we were doing. I said "looking for scrap" and we were from Hartlepool and were told houses up here were being gutted.

He said "you're not supposed to be around here", so we said "ok, we'll go."

He said, "no you won't, you're under arrest."

We were taken to Peterlee station and charged with burglary.
When we went to court a while later my solicitor said the burglary charge was so far off the scale and he couldn't understand why it wasn't just trespassing, given the fact that I was in the yard and the houses were open to the elements.

The judge decided to fine me £120 (I think) and also gave me 3 months in prison suspended for 2 weeks based on my first payment of £2 per week. Work that one out.

The drink driving was me coming home from a 2 till 10 pm shift at the steelworks and deciding to nip into the pub for a quick few pints. I had two pints and decided to go and get a Chinese from the chow kee.

I got pulled up and breathalysed and was found to be over the limit.
I went to the police station and was given a breathalyser there and the reading came out at 42 milligrams in 100 litres of breath. The legal limit was 35 at that time.
I was told if I'd hit 40 they wouldn't have gone any further and called me unlucky.

Later on, I went to court and obviously pleaded guilty. I got a year's ban and a £250 fine with £20 court costs.
I was asked how much a week and I just said £10 a week.
I actually sold my car and just paid it off a week later.

The speeding fines were spread over time and all when I was over 30 to 40.

My fines were £60 penalty notices and 3 points on my licence.

Everything I said is as true as I can recall.
All my cards on the table.

I drive fine.
That’s all incredibly unlucky.

Still none for me


Know a lovely family from Amble their family started with cobles then had a trawler until it wasn't financially viable. They live just along from the little shore. Muckle and such like (they support liverpool)


Central Defender
We all tend to think of Northumberland’s stunning castles, coastlines and gastro pubs / restaurants but generally tend to forget how it’s populated with a high % of village idiots who have huge chips on their shoulders and massive inferiority complexes to people from big towns or cities.
About 20 years ago we ended up in Belford for the night causing no offence to anybody but naturally the squad of local blokes supping in their shit pubs did take offence to a group of lads who did nothing more than simply not being sheep shaggers.
Naturally it kicked off and we battered them.
Soft c***s

Also recently decided it’s my favourite accent in the world.

There’s nothing better than an old man’s Ashington accent.