Making new friends/getting a girlfriend at 42

Ginger John said:
So sorry to hear all that. Have a hug. It's really tough when a relationship breaks down.

Respect your decision on the depression issue but just wanted to say that if you change your mind, please do join us on the depression thread as plenty on there will support you.

Are there any local independant gyms nearby? I've joined one at Birtley which is just run by one lad. It's pretty basic in an industrial unit but what makes it better than all your fancy chain gyms is that the bloke actually cares about people, not just in the gym but helping with diet, emotional issues and all sorts. I'm training there three times a week now and have made some good friends with people I've met there. I'm shy too but once I got over the first couple of sessions, I just felt like I fit in there. Ask around and see if there is a similar set up nearer to you.

Do you go to the match at all? There's a group of us meet up before the match for a natter. You're more than welcome to join us. All very nice people and I've made good friends there too. Shame it's the close season now mind!

I've got free time this weekend if you fancy a natter over a cuppa/pint/walk on the beach etc.
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Looks like the “getting a girlfriend” bit is being taken care of!
 


Tex said:
Sorry to hear this JT. You will get past it. PM if you want a bit crack. Some good advice up above so give it some thought.



Errr ... I think he knows a little bit already about coffee shops mate!
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Any tattoo shops round your way looking for an artist mate?

Mickdundee said:
Looks like the “getting a girlfriend” bit is being taken care of!
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She’s far too good for me. She’d soon get fed up with my relentlessly pessimistic outlook! Surprised my ex lasted 23 years if I’m honest.
 
Enjoy the peace and quiet and being master of your own gaff. If you want a buck, go on tinder. When you’re finally ready for a lass, go on plenty of fish.

Oh, and start drinking again or lasses won’t be interested and blokes won’t trust you.
 
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Dave Herbal said:
Enjoy the peace and quiet and being master of your own gaff. If you want a buck, go on tinder. When you’re finally ready for a lass, go on plenty of fish.

Oh, and start drinking again or lasses won’t be interested and blokes won’t trust you.
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They’d be right not to. I’m a sinister twat.

In all honesty I can’t enjoy anything at the moment. I loved my life and the family and home we’d built. I’d never in a million years have thought she’d do this, but obviously I’m the mug. I’ve spent over half my life as part of a team and now that’s gone I’m feeling empty. I’m sure time will help, but I’m just a bit broken at the moment. I’d probably have a nervous breakdown if I tried to buck anybody at the minute. That’s the worst thing, I’m not in control of myself fully because I’m not who I thought I was. It’s weird.
 
There are a couple of apps out there that are basically “find a player” for exactly the situation mentioned when you have 9 for 5 a-side and need that extra player.

Or I think the entrance at goals used to have like a “players wanted” section for teams. Might be worth giving them a call. It’s about 5 years since I played there though.
 
jedi_toaster said:
They’d be right not to. I’m a sinister twat.

In all honesty I can’t enjoy anything at the moment. I loved my life and the family and home we’d built. I’d never in a million years have thought she’d do this, but obviously I’m the mug. I’ve spent over half my life as part of a team and now that’s gone I’m feeling empty. I’m sure time will help, but I’m just a bit broken at the moment. I’d probably have a nervous breakdown if I tried to buck anybody at the minute. That’s the worst thing, I’m not in control of myself fully because I’m not who I thought I was. It’s weird.
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I split up with the wife 9 years ago and I’ve been living happily on my own ever since. Dating in your 40s is great cos all the women are filth.
 
I’m a 42 yo single man and was glad when our lass fked off, now I can do what I want.
 
I know what its like living "at home" but all your mates living hundreds of miles away.

I moved back after 4 years at uni. All my uni mates moved onto jobs around the country (none up here of course), and all my old school friends had done exactly the same. I was the only one who ended up back here.

Got a crap IT helpdesk job, and started to make a couple of friends. One's now my best mate.

Are you working? If not, get a job mate! (sorry!)
But that offer of meeting up with people before the match sounds like a cracking idea. But don't feel obliged to start drinking again mate, even the alcohol free beer isn't too bad these days.
 
Here fella, if you can play footy to a level where the ball goes straight when you kick it feel free to join my game on a Wednesday night. We play at The Beacon at 19:30.

When I first moved to Sunderland, none of my mates were here. I joined the boards 5 a side team.
 
Dave Herbal said:
I split up with the wife 9 years ago and I’ve been living happily on my own ever since. Dating in your 40s is great cos all the women are filth.
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Word

Sorry to hear you've had such a shit time @jedi_toaster but it sounds like you aren't really ready for a relationship at the moment.

Get bucking though xxx
 
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jedi_toaster said:
I’ve avoided talking about this on here for a few months as I’m not really in a place to deal with the inevitable piss-taking, but I really need to talk to people now. My wife has left me after 23 years of relationship and 17 years of marriage. It was totally out of the blue for me and came after I had been silently suffering from depression for the best part of a year (probably as a result of my selfishness, but she could have at least asked me if something was wrong or if I needed some help). I don’t want to go into that f***ing shit show of a mess, so I’ll leave it at this - I’m now a 42 year old man living at his mum and dad’s house in Fulwell (thankfully they’re in their house in France until September so I’m pretending it’s my house), I have 2 kids - 15 and 18 who visit me when they can, but obviously I can’t confess my despair to them. I’m totally broken-hearted and trying to deal with it on my own.

Due to growing up down south, all my proper friends live 250 miles away and I really don’t have any good friends in Sunderland. This means I don’t go out anywhere, and just sit stewing every night, trying to watch everything on Netflix before I eventually die. So my question to the SMB is - how do I make new friends, and how do I meet women (fuck tinder and that bollocks...I’m an analogue 20th century boy)? I’ve lost my best friend in my wife, and she used to be enough for me to be content. But now I’m so lonely and bored that I can feel myself ageing minute by minute.

I’d like to get back into playing sport, badminton, 5 a side, anything really, just to start living. I hate the idea of just walking into somewhere that I don’t know anybody as I come across as an extrovert, but I’m really as shy as most of us feel in those type of situations.

I’m rambling on now, so if you got this far thanks. I think I just need people to talk to, to reassure me that life will go on and one day I’ll feel happy again.
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Maybe try joining some groups, or going to night school to learn some new skills and you'll meet people there.
I've been on plenty of courses to improve upon or learn new skills and get qualifications.
I've been on IT courses, a Health and safety in the workplace course, a food safety & Hygiene course for catering, a Maths improvement course, and am currently doing a weekly Spanish course.
All good opportunities to meet people and make new friends while learning new skills, and it's a good way to fill your spare time.
I'm still working on the "find a girlfriend" bit.
Give it a go, you might find you enjoy it.
Best of luck and try to keep your chin up.
 
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