Making new friends/getting a girlfriend at 42

jedi_toaster said:
Sorry mate, I realise I was the catalyst for the game but I won’t be here. I’m in the process of moving back to where I grew up, got a job in another tattoo shop down there (pays double) and all my old friends are welcoming me back with open arms!
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Best of luck with everything marra xx
 


jedi_toaster said:
Sorry mate, I realise I was the catalyst for the game but I won’t be here. I’m in the process of moving back to where I grew up, got a job in another tattoo shop down there (pays double) and all my old friends are welcoming me back with open arms! Looks like I’m Dave Herbal after all.
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Good luck Jedi, I’m pretty sure that life will turn out all good!
 
jedi_toaster said:
Sorry mate, I realise I was the catalyst for the game but I won’t be here. I’m in the process of moving back to where I grew up, got a job in another tattoo shop down there (pays double) and all my old friends are welcoming me back with open arms! Looks like I’m Dave Herbal after all.
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Where exactly is that, I know it's South somewhere?
 
jedi_toaster said:
I’ve avoided talking about this on here for a few months as I’m not really in a place to deal with the inevitable piss-taking, but I really need to talk to people now. My wife has left me after 23 years of relationship and 17 years of marriage. It was totally out of the blue for me and came after I had been silently suffering from depression for the best part of a year (probably as a result of my selfishness, but she could have at least asked me if something was wrong or if I needed some help). I don’t want to go into that f***ing shit show of a mess, so I’ll leave it at this - I’m now a 42 year old man living at his mum and dad’s house in Fulwell (thankfully they’re in their house in France until September so I’m pretending it’s my house), I have 2 kids - 15 and 18 who visit me when they can, but obviously I can’t confess my despair to them. I’m totally broken-hearted and trying to deal with it on my own.

Due to growing up down south, all my proper friends live 250 miles away and I really don’t have any good friends in Sunderland. This means I don’t go out anywhere, and just sit stewing every night, trying to watch everything on Netflix before I eventually die. So my question to the SMB is - how do I make new friends, and how do I meet women (fuck tinder and that bollocks...I’m an analogue 20th century boy)? I’ve lost my best friend in my wife, and she used to be enough for me to be content. But now I’m so lonely and bored that I can feel myself ageing minute by minute.

I’d like to get back into playing sport, badminton, 5 a side, anything really, just to start living. I hate the idea of just walking into somewhere that I don’t know anybody as I come across as an extrovert, but I’m really as shy as most of us feel in those type of situations.

I’m rambling on now, so if you got this far thanks. I think I just need people to talk to, to reassure me that life will go on and one day I’ll feel happy again.
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Very brave post mate, you do right in staying away from digital dating, I went through 10 years of that and with 1 exception which I blew through drink, it's a very very empty existance. Can you get back into studying at all, or maybe gym classes? One thing is for sure 42 isn't old by any stretch and you sound like a decent chap, I know I haven't been much help but I'm sure it'll work out for ya bud, even golf can be canny on the social side of things, maybe have a lesson or two or join a club as a social member, best of luck with it marra and chin up.
 
jedi_toaster said:
Sorry mate, I realise I was the catalyst for the game but I won’t be here. I’m in the process of moving back to where I grew up, got a job in another tattoo shop down there (pays double) and all my old friends are welcoming me back with open arms! Looks like I’m Dave Herbal after all.
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Good news this mate. Glad things look to be improving for you.
 
jedi_toaster said:
I’ve avoided talking about this on here for a few months as I’m not really in a place to deal with the inevitable piss-taking, but I really need to talk to people now. My wife has left me after 23 years of relationship and 17 years of marriage. It was totally out of the blue for me and came after I had been silently suffering from depression for the best part of a year (probably as a result of my selfishness, but she could have at least asked me if something was wrong or if I needed some help). I don’t want to go into that f***ing shit show of a mess, so I’ll leave it at this - I’m now a 42 year old man living at his mum and dad’s house in Fulwell (thankfully they’re in their house in France until September so I’m pretending it’s my house), I have 2 kids - 15 and 18 who visit me when they can, but obviously I can’t confess my despair to them. I’m totally broken-hearted and trying to deal with it on my own.

Due to growing up down south, all my proper friends live 250 miles away and I really don’t have any good friends in Sunderland. This means I don’t go out anywhere, and just sit stewing every night, trying to watch everything on Netflix before I eventually die. So my question to the SMB is - how do I make new friends, and how do I meet women (fuck tinder and that bollocks...I’m an analogue 20th century boy)? I’ve lost my best friend in my wife, and she used to be enough for me to be content. But now I’m so lonely and bored that I can feel myself ageing minute by minute.

I’d like to get back into playing sport, badminton, 5 a side, anything really, just to start living. I hate the idea of just walking into somewhere that I don’t know anybody as I come across as an extrovert, but I’m really as shy as most of us feel in those type of situations.

I’m rambling on now, so if you got this far thanks. I think I just need people to talk to, to reassure me that life will go on and one day I’ll feel happy again.
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Do you know how to play an instrument ? Or enjoy any particular type of music that you would be interested in learning. I’ve never been in your situation, but in my experience getting involved in any particular music ‘scene’ is a brilliant way particularly because if you’re interesting enough and good enough age is literally invisible. In fact any form of art is brilliant for this. One bit of advice I would give is that many in here are saying the ‘pub’ and where that will work to a certain degree best friendships are always built sober and solidified drunk so don’t start that way if you want something more meaningful. Most pub groups are usually built on convenience, routine and discontentment with life. That’s the opposite of what you need right now.
 
Manuel said:
Where exactly is that, I know it's South somewhere?
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Near Cambridge, place called Royston.

Thanks to all the well wishers! Things are still shit tbh, but they’re not so shit that I won’t keep at it and every now and then I see light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes find myself slightly looking forward to what’s to come rather than dwelling on what has been. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gone to the gym or joined any clubs or anything really, as I know I’m a lazy shit at heart and quite enjoy it. I have learned to drive though and have been zooming around in my Audi A4 convertible for 3 weeks now (not a mid life crisis). So thanks for the concern fellow SMBrs and sorry if you messaged me with lovely offers of going for a drink etc, and I didn’t take you up on it.....looks like I’m what I always thought I was....a lazy, rude bastard. But I’m trying to be better. :)
 
jedi_toaster said:
Near Cambridge, place called Royston.

Thanks to all the well wishers! Things are still shit tbh, but they’re not so shit that I won’t keep at it and every now and then I see light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes find myself slightly looking forward to what’s to come rather than dwelling on what has been. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gone to the gym or joined any clubs or anything really, as I know I’m a lazy shit at heart and quite enjoy it. I have learned to drive though and have been zooming around in my Audi A4 convertible for 3 weeks now (not a mid life crisis). So thanks for the concern fellow SMBrs and sorry if you messaged me with lovely offers of going for a drink etc, and I didn’t take you up on it.....looks like I’m what I always thought I was....a lazy, rude bastard. But I’m trying to be better. :)
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You are what you are, never thought of you as lazy or rude though. You certainly seem to have grabbed life's opportunities Coffee shop, bar/music room and now body artist, have I missed any? Good luck, and remember it's a local town for local people.
 
Manuel said:
You are what you are, never thought of you as lazy or rude though. You certainly seem to have grabbed life's opportunities Coffee shop, bar/music room and now body artist, have I missed any? Good luck, and remember it's a local town for local people.
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Security to various early-00’s pop stars.

Thanks Mano. X
 
jedi_toaster said:
Near Cambridge, place called Royston.

Thanks to all the well wishers! Things are still shit tbh, but they’re not so shit that I won’t keep at it and every now and then I see light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes find myself slightly looking forward to what’s to come rather than dwelling on what has been. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gone to the gym or joined any clubs or anything really, as I know I’m a lazy shit at heart and quite enjoy it. I have learned to drive though and have been zooming around in my Audi A4 convertible for 3 weeks now (not a mid life crisis). So thanks for the concern fellow SMBrs and sorry if you messaged me with lovely offers of going for a drink etc, and I didn’t take you up on it.....looks like I’m what I always thought I was....a lazy, rude bastard. But I’m trying to be better. :)
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Sounds like you're in a better place though fella.

Not like, "He's gone to a better place", like, dead and that, more like, got plans and stuff to look forward to, that kind of better place.
 
jedi_toaster said:
Near Cambridge, place called Royston.

Thanks to all the well wishers! Things are still shit tbh, but they’re not so shit that I won’t keep at it and every now and then I see light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes find myself slightly looking forward to what’s to come rather than dwelling on what has been. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gone to the gym or joined any clubs or anything really, as I know I’m a lazy shit at heart and quite enjoy it. I have learned to drive though and have been zooming around in my Audi A4 convertible for 3 weeks now (not a mid life crisis). So thanks for the concern fellow SMBrs and sorry if you messaged me with lovely offers of going for a drink etc, and I didn’t take you up on it.....looks like I’m what I always thought I was....a lazy, rude bastard. But I’m trying to be better. :)
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I don't think you're lazy, those ideas just didn't work for you. You've taken steps to make things better by moving where most people know you, the friends people make as a couple tend to vanish after a breakup so I think it's a smart move.
 
We're going for a pint in the Grangetown bworkmans club at 3, we'll be in the back room.
 
jedi_toaster said:
Near Cambridge, place called Royston.

Thanks to all the well wishers! Things are still shit tbh, but they’re not so shit that I won’t keep at it and every now and then I see light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes find myself slightly looking forward to what’s to come rather than dwelling on what has been. I’m not going to lie, I haven’t gone to the gym or joined any clubs or anything really, as I know I’m a lazy shit at heart and quite enjoy it. I have learned to drive though and have been zooming around in my Audi A4 convertible for 3 weeks now (not a mid life crisis). So thanks for the concern fellow SMBrs and sorry if you messaged me with lovely offers of going for a drink etc, and I didn’t take you up on it.....looks like I’m what I always thought I was....a lazy, rude bastard. But I’m trying to be better. :)
Click to expand...
You'll get where you feel you need to be, eventually.
Steady away, and hopefully life will start to improve for you in the not too distant future.
The trick, is to keep looking forward, rather than backwards, which is sometimes easier said than done, but persevere, and try to remain positive.

It's not our past mistakes or failures, which define our strength.
It's our decisions to move forward, and start again, which does !

Best of luck for the future.
 

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