Making new friends/getting a girlfriend at 42

Discussion in 'SMB' started by jedi_toaster, May 17, 2019.

  1. jedi_toaster

    jedi_toaster Winger

    I’ve avoided talking about this on here for a few months as I’m not really in a place to deal with the inevitable piss-taking, but I really need to talk to people now. My wife has left me after 23 years of relationship and 17 years of marriage. It was totally out of the blue for me and came after I had been silently suffering from depression for the best part of a year (probably as a result of my selfishness, but she could have at least asked me if something was wrong or if I needed some help). I don’t want to go into that fucking shit show of a mess, so I’ll leave it at this - I’m now a 42 year old man living at his mum and dad’s house in Fulwell (thankfully they’re in their house in France until September so I’m pretending it’s my house), I have 2 kids - 15 and 18 who visit me when they can, but obviously I can’t confess my despair to them. I’m totally broken-hearted and trying to deal with it on my own.

    Due to growing up down south, all my proper friends live 250 miles away and I really don’t have any good friends in Sunderland. This means I don’t go out anywhere, and just sit stewing every night, trying to watch everything on Netflix before I eventually die. So my question to the SMB is - how do I make new friends, and how do I meet women (fuck tinder and that bollocks...I’m an analogue 20th century boy)? I’ve lost my best friend in my wife, and she used to be enough for me to be content. But now I’m so lonely and bored that I can feel myself ageing minute by minute.

    I’d like to get back into playing sport, badminton, 5 a side, anything really, just to start living. I hate the idea of just walking into somewhere that I don’t know anybody as I come across as an extrovert, but I’m really as shy as most of us feel in those type of situations.

    I’m rambling on now, so if you got this far thanks. I think I just need people to talk to, to reassure me that life will go on and one day I’ll feel happy again.
     
  2. Mackem00

    Mackem00 Striker

    When did you move up here? You should learn French and move into your mam and dad's other house when they come back. Good luck either way mate.
     
  3. MackneyHackem

    MackneyHackem Midfield

    Make friends? The pub
    Meet women? Also the pub. But seriously get yourself on Tinder.

    An odd response. :lol:
     
    DJP and jedi_toaster like this.
  4. JAZZMANB

    JAZZMANB Striker

    Its tough mate ,my marriage ended with little warning,luckily I had plenty going on and after immediately needing to prove I was still a man at 50 years of age I've settled into a great single life .
    I would give something like Match a go ,its canny for a distraction ,see if you have any messages etc bit flirting . Few dates and a 18 month relationship for me before I finished it .Other lasses I've been seeing were social meets . Sport is a good idea,there's a 5 a side thread on here ,you can always jump on a game without knowing anyone . Drinking on ya todd isn't for me but plenty do .The Avenue and Howard seem to have a good "local" crowd with single drinkers getting in .I play in a band and see plenty single blokes watching live music and likewise lasses so check out where gigs are on.Better than just having a pint with nothing happening .live footy in pubs is another for good one cracking on top lads
    chin up mate
     
    RokerRye, LondonMackem, BRMC and 6 others like this.
  5. alexander

    alexander Striker

    Haven't played badminton for a few years but am up for a match when am back over next. Happily have a pint or two as well.
     
  6. jedi_toaster

    jedi_toaster Winger

    I packed in drinking a few years ago, but it sounds like I’ll have to get back on it!
     
  7. JAZZMANB

    JAZZMANB Striker

    I'd open up to your kids as well ,you need support mate
     
  8. The Exile

    The Exile Striker

    Is there a real world dating scene these days? Doesn't seem like it.

    Have you got the money to bugger off on holiday for a bit?

    There's someone out there for everyone.
     
  9. MackneyHackem

    MackneyHackem Midfield

    I would highly recommend getting a dog if your work circumstances allow for it.

    It'll stop you feeling lonely and the lasses will be all over you like a flies round shit.
     
  10. Keawyeds

    Keawyeds Striker

    When I moved to Westhoughton I didn't know anyone except Mrs K's family. That was years ago. I'd go out for a pint and end up speaking to a lot of the bar staff there. I knew more bar staff than anyone else when I first moved!
    When a new pub opened, I started going there and they soon developed a quiz. I used to go even though I didn't know anyone. I was a team of one for quite a few go's and then you get to know people and become a regular.
    I've been in a team now for a canny while. Amusingly enough with someone else originally from Bishop!

    You've got to put yourself out there. You'll make friends. Just be yourself.
    If there's a match on at the pub go and watch, you'll end up having a chat with other people watching.
     
  11. CraigyLee

    CraigyLee Striker

    Golf is great for the old mental health and also a great way to meet new people in comps/societies etc

    You have to avoid the bellends .. which is easy enough to do as you can normally hear them gannin on like tits in the car park or club house
     
  12. So sorry to hear all that. Have a hug. It's really tough when a relationship breaks down.

    Respect your decision on the depression issue but just wanted to say that if you change your mind, please do join us on the depression thread as plenty on there will support you.

    Are there any local independant gyms nearby? I've joined one at Birtley which is just run by one lad. It's pretty basic in an industrial unit but what makes it better than all your fancy chain gyms is that the bloke actually cares about people, not just in the gym but helping with diet, emotional issues and all sorts. I'm training there three times a week now and have made some good friends with people I've met there. I'm shy too but once I got over the first couple of sessions, I just felt like I fit in there. Ask around and see if there is a similar set up nearer to you.

    Do you go to the match at all? There's a group of us meet up before the match for a natter. You're more than welcome to join us. All very nice people and I've made good friends there too. Shame it's the close season now mind!

    I've got free time this weekend if you fancy a natter over a cuppa/pint/walk on the beach etc.
     
    Plank, Roker Mackem, JJH and 34 others like this.
  13. Keawyeds

    Keawyeds Striker

    One of our quiz team doesn't always drink. More not than does as she drives. You're 42. There shouldn't be any judgement about whether you drink or not
     
  14. Harry Angstrom

    Harry Angstrom Striker

    Bit late now but ALWAYS keep up a social life that is separate from the missus.

    Just have to get out there mate but I if you are after a new lass then the internet is the place.

    Are you working?
     
  15. __howdy__

    __howdy__ Winger

    Why not reply to one of the threads in the 5 a side forum on here?
     
    Sossidge Rerls likes this.
  16. Join a group. Theatre? Even if you're not into acting, there are lots of things to get involved in - props, scenery, advertising and so on.
     
  17. Harry Angstrom

    Harry Angstrom Striker

    What a hero you are.

    If I ever get binned by the missus I'll buy a dog and go for a walk on the beach with you.
     
    naughtynose, TopCat, Dodgy and 11 others like this.
  18. jedi_toaster

    jedi_toaster Winger

    Had one. Now he lives with the ex in my old house because my daughter loves him so much I couldn’t split them up.

    I’m self employed mate, and work with pretty much my only friend up here. It’s the only thing I miss about working for a big company - being amongst loads of people that you can crack on with. My problem is that I’m a terrible misanthrope and have a tendency to approach everything as if it’s going to be shit so why bother...I’ve got a lot of work to do on my personal growth if I’m honest.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
    Stray Cat and Flared Hicks like this.
  19. Biscuitz

    Biscuitz Midfield

    I don't really have much of an answer for you but do thing that make you feel better about yourself. It's always easier to meet people when you are happy and people will be more attracted towards you if you are a happy person.

    The sport you suggest would be a great way of feeling happier, helping your brain a bit while also mixing with others
     
    cornish mackem and zinedine like this.
  20. As others have said, keep yourself busy socially..........especially with interests you enjoy.

    Local badminton club?

    I play twice a week with a group I just fell into. I'm generally quite shy but after a few weeks got into the swing of things with the social side.
     

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