Little things that make your day

[Thurston]

Saw a corker on the tube last week. Got off and was walking to the exit. Couple came pelting in front of me from the left trying to get on the tube. He got half squashed in the door but got on. She was left on the platform. She started crying as the tube pulled away. Don't think I helped matters by saying "that's a harsh way to get dumped like"


Does that still feature on the signs at swimming pools?!

Aye. There was a similar one on the train the other week. The train was massively delayed. Pulled into Newark and loads of people were getting off. The train driver obviously decided he'd had enough of letting people get off after a couple of minutes and just shut the doors. There was a bloke and a couple of bairns between six and eight years old on the platform waiting for the mother who was taking forever pissing about with bags as the doors shut. The look on her face as she realised what was happening was tremendous. She was protesting to the staff on the train who just couldn't give a fuck and the more she went on the funnier it got to be honest. The train they were going to send her back on was delayed aswell. Would've loved to have seen the full on meltdown by the end of it.

 

[Son of Stan]

Saw a corker on the tube last week. Got off and was walking to the exit. Couple came pelting in front of me from the left trying to get on the tube. He got half squashed in the door but got on. She was left on the platform. She started crying as the tube pulled away. Don't think I helped matters by saying "that's a harsh way to get dumped like"


Does that still feature on the signs at swimming pools?!

Bloke from work apparently threw himself onto a metro as the doors were closing, believing, as I did, that they would have to open. Wrong. He ended up half in and half out with his hand holding a carrier bag outside. He had to travel from Central Station to the Monument like that, pretending that everything was normal. He's a very skinny bloke, before and after that happened.

 

[Thurston]

Bloke from work apparently threw himself onto a metro as the doors were closing, believing, as I did, that they would have to open. Wrong. He ended up half in and half out with his hand holding a carrier bag outside. He had to travel from Central Station to the Monument like that, pretending that everything was normal. He's a very skinny bloke, before and after that happened.

Would've been even funnier if the next platform the Metro pulled into was doors alighting on the other side and they just left him stuck for a bit.

 

[Son of Stan]

Would've been even funnier if the next platform the Metro pulled into was doors alighting on the other side and they just left him stuck for a bit.

I never thought of that! Poor bloke. Very British of him though, and apparently no one said anything either and just ignored him. Which is probably even worse.

 

[Thurston]

I never thought of that! Poor bloke. Very British of him though, and apparently no one said anything either and just ignored him. Which is probably even worse.

No-one even pointed and laughed? Disappointing. It wasn't like he'd actually be able to swing for them.

 

[Wilfy]

There are strict protocols on the Metro as described in the Latecomer section on this blog. Got to admit that I'm a nonchalant stroller.
http://wp.me/p7HlGl-80

Canny read that, there's a queue jumper tries to get on before me regularly at South Gosforth. He normally bounces off me the little arsehole.

 

[Son of Stan]

No-one even pointed and laughed? Disappointing. It wasn't like he'd actually be able to swing for them.

I admire him still hanging on to his placcy bag - it only had his sarnies in there. I bet they all laughed when he got off though!

 

[RestlessNatives]

Canny read that, there's a queue jumper tries to get on before me regularly at South Gosforth. He normally bounces off me the little arsehole.

Used to be a couple regulars at University. You're always going to get a seat at University so there's no need.

 

[dangermows]

Getting a blow job on the waste land near the harbour view

 

[Guinness Guzzler]

Used to be a couple regulars at University. You're always going to get a seat at University so there's no need.

When I used to have to get the metro I was an arsehole (well, I still am, just not on the metro anymore). I was a bit of a queue jumper. Firstly, I don't really think there is a queue as such, no one knows for certain (although with experience you can get quite close) where the doors are going to be. Doesn't matter how early you are, you could have been waiting ten minutes but if the doors don't stop near you, no one is going to let you on first, so everyone is a queue jumper of sorts.

Plus, I don't see why there should be a queue for something that comes at a set time. If you're first to finish your shopping it's only right that you're served first and on your way. A metro however comes at a set time, why should someone get on first just because they're daft enough to get there early? I had it timed to a tee and could always get there just before the metro came (unless it, as was often the case, was delayed). Just because I'm organised doesn't mean I shouldn't get a seat at a busy stop.

I'd jump on even at the start of my journey at millfield. Why bother when I knew I'd get a seat anyway? Simple, if I could get one of the sideways seats next to the door I actually had half a chance of getting off at Gateshead. If you get a random seat halfway up the carriage you're fucked having to fight through loads of people (worse if you had a laptop bag) to try and reach the doors before others started piling on or the doors closed. As I saw it, regardless of when I turned up, I was getting that seat ahead of some school kid who I knew would be getting off first or someone who was likely going to Newcastle. It wasn't necessarily right but fuck it, I put my comfort ahead of trying to be a nice guy up a bunch of people who didn't give a fuck about me and would ignore me all the way there, no reason to be nice to them, I was having that seat

 

[RestlessNatives]

When I used to have to get the metro I was an arsehole (well, I still am, just not on the metro anymore). I was a bit of a queue jumper. Firstly, I don't really think there is a queue as such, no one knows for certain (although with experience you can get quite close) where the doors are going to be. Doesn't matter how early you are, you could have been waiting ten minutes but if the doors don't stop near you, no one is going to let you on first, so everyone is a queue jumper of sorts.

Plus, I don't see why there should be a queue for something that comes at a set time. If you're first to finish your shopping it's only right that you're served first and on your way. A metro however comes at a set time, why should someone get on first just because they're daft enough to get there early? I had it timed to a tee and could always get there just before the metro came (unless it, as was often the case, was delayed). Just because I'm organised doesn't mean I shouldn't get a seat at a busy stop.

I'd jump on even at the start of my journey at millfield. Why bother when I knew I'd get a seat anyway? Simple, if I could get one of the sideways seats next to the door I actually had half a chance of getting off at Gateshead. If you get a random seat halfway up the carriage you're fucked having to fight through loads of people (worse if you had a laptop bag) to try and reach the doors before others started piling on or the doors closed. As I saw it, regardless of when I turned up, I was getting that seat ahead of some school kid who I knew would be getting off first or someone who was likely going to Newcastle. It wasn't necessarily right but fuck it, I put my comfort ahead of trying to be a nice guy up a bunch of people who didn't give a fuck about me and would ignore me all the way there, no reason to be nice to them, I was having that seat

It's called manners.

 

[raindog]

Good manners

 

[Guinness Guzzler]

It's called manners.

Thing is I'm very well mannered the rest of the time, it's just the metro that got to me. Just to be well mannered I'd let some kid get the seat I wanted, even though I knew there were loads of other seats for them, they were only going a couple of stops, and me missing that seat would mean having a battle to try and get off? Nah, a bit burst of speed to get the seat first was in order. And like I say, manners? The amount of times I'd been first in the "queue" but ended up halfway between two sets of doors and how many people said "ah you were here first mate, go ahead of me, there's not many seats left, only right you get one"? Not one. Send manners only apply of the person has been waiting and happens to be near the doors. Fuck it, I was happy for them to think I was an arsehole, they weren't the ones who could hardly get off at Gateshead

 

[humbug]

finishing my tea and pressing the button on the side of my chair to recline and watch some telly with my feet up. absolute bliss.

 

[RestlessNatives]

Thing is I'm very well mannered the rest of the time, it's just the metro that got to me. Just to be well mannered I'd let some kid get the seat I wanted, even though I knew there were loads of other seats for them, they were only going a couple of stops, and me missing that seat would mean having a battle to try and get off? Nah, a bit burst of speed to get the seat first was in order. And like I say, manners? The amount of times I'd been first in the "queue" but ended up halfway between two sets of doors and how many people said "ah you were here first mate, go ahead of me, there's not many seats left, only right you get one"? Not one. Send manners only apply of the person has been waiting and happens to be near the doors. Fuck it, I was happy for them to think I was an arsehole, they weren't the ones who could hardly get off at Gateshead

That's the thing about manners, they do occasionally slightly inconvenience you. I suspect you aren't really well mannered the rest of the time if you only apply them when there is no impact on yourself.
Anyway, as you seem to wet your Y Fronts at the thought of getting off the Metro there is a blog just for you. Read the 'Alighting the Metro' section and you never need to worry again.
http://wp.me/p7HlGl-9v

 

[Guinness Guzzler]

That's the thing about manners, they do occasionally slightly inconvenience you. I suspect you aren't really well mannered the rest of the time if you only apply them when there is no impact on yourself.
Anyway, as you seem to wet your Y Fronts at the thought of getting off the Metro there is a blog just for you. Read the 'Alighting the Metro' section and you never need to worry again.
http://wp.me/p7HlGl-9v

Nah, I'm genuinely well mannered. Hell, I hold doors open even after that point where you think "fuck, that person's actually further away than I thought, this is awkward" I think the fact that metros are shit, always late, end up overcrowded, I have to get up early to get them (I'm not a happy person in the morning!) and I know that they're taking me to work just brings out the worst in me! I did once give up my prime seat when a blind person came on, so there's limits to my bellendary

 

[safcforever]

Some knobhead left his McDonald's cup on my desk at work. My day improved when I put the monopoly number in the computer and won £10. I made sure everyone knew so the knobhead would have found out

 

[Kevsgreat]

It makes my day when the sandwich shop round the corner from work have some hot food on that I really fancy. Nice corned beef pie today.

 

[Binternet]

It's amazing how quick the obese can shift themselves onto the metro when there are only a couple of spare seats to be had. Also recently had a driver stop at Monument station and refused to pull away until the twat who jumped on through the closing doors got off.

 

[AlpineExile]

Bloke from work apparently threw himself onto a metro as the doors were closing, believing, as I did, that they would have to open. Wrong. He ended up half in and half out with his hand holding a carrier bag outside. He had to travel from Central Station to the Monument like that, pretending that everything was normal. He's a very skinny bloke, before and after that happened.

We had a case like that when I worked for London Transport.

Some Canadian tried to force himself onto the last Central Line tube of the night. Unfortunately for him, instead of leaving one arm hanging out he only got one arm in and the rest of him was hanging out. Fortunately for him, as it was the last tube the station master was on the platform and pulled the emergency cut-off switch.

His first words to the rescue team prising him out were "Please don't tell my mother" but as he had fractures in the double figures I suspect she found out anyway.