Little things in life that fuck you off


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These black toilet attendants that say "£1 to smell nice to ride the punani"

My best mate has a boozer and was telling me they are there to stop vandalism and people puking all over which makes sense but I hate the fact you have to give some fucker £1 to pass the soap.
 
Bloke opposite me in the office - ridiculously bashing the keyboard when typing. Slamming the enter button when he has triumphantly completed a sentence. Twat :evil:

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Cabbies who think that by just sitting in their taxi you have somehow said: "Yes, I'm really tired because I've just travelled 300 miles, but do please starting moaning about every last thing in life that annoys you, even if that is a list some four hundred items long and it does make you sound like you regularly dig shallow graves in woodland."

People who eat food in shops.

People who talk on their mobiles when they're being served in shops.

People who can't walk IN A STRAIGHT f***ing LINE.

People who get to the top of an escalator, and stop to look around.

People who don't indicate. People who do indicate, but do it wrong. People who do indicate, do it right, but drive a car that annoys me (anything from a Multipla to a Subaru), have a fat exhaust, have anything to do with 'princess' on their car, or have their name in letters on the back.

People who stink of deodorant spray. People who stink of sweat.

Women who think that sucking in their cheeks as if someone's just vacuumed out their insides somehow makes them look sexy. Men who call women 'females'.

Headphones that spend every moment plotting in your pocket about how to tangle when you're not looking.

People who think they are right.

Pleather. Litter. Spines. People who don't know when to shut up. Hangnails. The new bog roll dispensers at work that are like tiny anuses that shit bits of paper at you if you are lucky and they are not constipated. Celebrity magazines. Lifestyle articles in newspapers. Snots that you think will be cornflake snots but turn out disappointing. Religious people knocking at the door on Saturday morning, and looking like they have escaped from the cast of Freaks. People who gossip about celebrities like they know them. Really? Divorced? Never! Who are the fuck are these people again?

Novelty tee-shirts. Is it really beer o'clock? Are you really 'champion pussy eater' or are you just a very overweight man who looks like he interferes with children?

:lol::lol: Spot on.

People who have either just been to the cinema or have just watched a film, and proceed to tell you the entire plot. "And then <enter main characters name> goes and fights <enter bad guys name> and saves the world". I'm not f***ing interested you boring bulls knacker, if I was I would have watched the shit boring pile of pish of a film already. Dull cunts.
 
These black toilet attendants that say "£1 to smell nice to ride the punani"

My best mate has a boozer and was telling me they are there to stop vandalism and people puking all over which makes sense but I hate the fact you have to give some fucker £1 to pass the soap.

They're also there to monitor any obvious drug use. Or facilitate it depending on how loyal they are to their employers.
 
They're also there to monitor any obvious drug use. Or facilitate it depending on how loyal they are to their employers.

Aye he mentioned that, he also said a lot of people dont wash their hands as they dont want to pay
 
Lads who use cubicles to get a piss in the first place (what are they hiding??)

People who used the word "obviously" all the time, when clearly what they are on about is not! I always ask them why it's obvious.

gav! :lol:
 
The way that when you have to decipher that online cryptic crap, it's always two words that are nonsensical anyway, like 'bumwadz humperd1nk' - and it takes 20 attempts to get it right.
 
People who stop dead in the centre of supermarket aisles. People who leave their trolley parked diagonally across the aisle while they hold it with one hand while checking the price of balsamic vinegar with the other.

Oh, and indicate you bell!
 
Signs that say 'we apologise for any inconvenience caused'. An overused cliche from people who clearly dont give a fuck. :evil:
 
Lads who use cubicles to get a piss in the first place (what are they hiding??)

.

Depending on what troosers i have on, then i use a cubicle, splashback is a bitch, especially if it's a trough and not a urinal, my own splashback i can handle, others i cannot.
 
When you've wiped, wiped,wiped and wiped again, only to find you still have a lovely skid mark in your knicks.:oops:
 
Aye he mentioned that, he also said a lot of people dont wash their hands as they dont want to pay

i just finnish my piss, wash my hands as normal and just ignore the fuckers when there standing there with there hand out
 
i just finnish my piss, wash my hands as normal and just ignore the fuckers when there standing there with there hand out

Me anarl, nobody is gonna stop me washing my hands and i certainly dont intend to pay for it

If they don't like it they can fuck off.

"Freshen up for the Punani" :oops:
 
Chavs who walk around with a stupid f***ing smirk on their face and their hand down the front of their pants. Bell ends.

When you're in an Indian restaurant and the poppadoms get served, and some twat breaks the whole lot up before you get the chance to take yours off the pile.
 
The amount of repeats on the telly. It's taking the absolute piss. I've already seen Michael f***ing McIntyre/Jo f***ing Brand/Jack f***ing Dee Live at the Apollo. Why do ye show the same things over & over & over again?

It's not just those 'comedy' channels. Channel 4 & the others are the same.

There should be a law against it.
 
Automated phone lines.

Press 1 for sales, 2 for a balance...........................

but theres never a number to speak to a human/indian bloke called Ian pretending to be sat in Dudley, who you cant f***ing understand!
 
People taking forever at cashpoints!! I could have launched skynet in the time its taken you to withdraw a tenner.

Packaging!!

Packets of bacon in which your meant to peel the corner, always ends up with a knife through it.

Cartons of milk with the foil circle under the lid 50% of the time the pull tab snaps.

Electrical packaging e.g Headphones, Joypads, Cables, impossible to open by hand, ends up with a knife through it.

Tablet packaging, no matter which end of the box I open, I end up staring at the folded up instructions.

Some good ones there :lol:. Those joypad packets are dangerous.
 
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