Just because I dress like this doesn't make me a Communist

[Mickeys Chicken Leg]

You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.

 

[Millfielder]

If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applaud at my offside.

 

[praha12]

I'm going back to church tonight
Just like back when I was eight
But I don't mean to pray
I'm going to nick a collection plate

 

[AlpineExile]

Up in the hills above Bradford, outside the napalm factory

 

[Some Random Guy]

Imagine his surprise when he opened his eyes and I'd run the lawnmower over his thighs

Get a load of Caroline Flack.

 

[Surrey Mackem]

See if I was in your blood, then you wouldn't be so ugly

 

[englishman abroad]

Just seen its already been mentioned so anything else in that song

This morning at 4.50. I took her rather nifty.
Down to an incubator....

All I get in bitter and a nasty little rash

 

[Surrey Mackem]

....
But it's hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country

 

[Cow]

Stone me why can't you see
You're a no one nowhere washed up baby
Who'd look better dead.
Your tongue is far too long
I don't like the way it sucks and
Slurs upon my every word.

 

[andysfootball]

and so it's my assumption i'm really up the junction

And there's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now: two game wardens, seven hunters, and a pure bred Guernsey cow.

She took me to her parents for a Sunday meal, her father took one look at me and he began to squeal

Words to memorize, words hypnotize, words make my mouth exercise, words all fail the magic prize, nothing I can say when I'm in your thighs

England 1936, the grip of the Sabbath day, in London town the only sound is a whisper in an alleyway


Just because I dress like this, doesn't mean I'm a communist. FFS!

keep clam and curry on

 

[Old Prestonian]

England 1936, the grip of the Sabbath day, in London town the only sound is a whisper in an alleyway

The opening line to one of my favourite songs and a fantastic way to start a gig.

 

[mini-x2]

Writing frightening verse to a buck toothed girl in Luxembourg

There’s a mirror on the table if you think you could use it, don’t be ashamed go ahead just do it

Son I’m thirty I only went with your mother cause she’s dirty

 

[Unbalanced Views]

The warmth of your hand and a cold grey sky​

It fades to the distance​

 

[jaxaxe]

Careful with that spliff Eugene, it causes condensation.

 

[AB22 Easy Tiger]

Some odd definitions of one liners in this thread.

So I'll do a two liner

Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh

 

[black cat in france]

Ernie I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest.

 

[moo]

I can see me, bound and gagged,
dragged behind a clown mobile.

Shy submissive male genius as an opening line by Uncle Warren